Archive for January, 2008

Well, That Was 20 Seconds of Reading Time We’ll Never Get Back

Hot chick on cell: Yeah, no… Like, I’m pretty convinced that Patrick* is, like, totally gay. Well, because when we, like, dated, he would always want to go shopping and take, like, the longest time, like always studying how tight jeans made his ass look. And, like, he told me how his best friend ended up being, like, uber-gay, and like, he would always say, like, random shit like, ‘Y’know, like, people you don’t even, like, know could be gay.’ I’d be like, ‘O-M-G — what?!’ And, like, the entire time we went out, we only had sex, like, once, and that was when I, like, lost my virginity… No, I didn’t consider it the official, like, time I actually lost my V-card because he couldn’t even, like, get it up… No, we were not drunk! I’m not like that big of a slut… Or at least, I wasn’t then.

–Chelsea

Promises, Promises

Passenger #1: Antenna-Man is in the next car, and he’s coming this way. That dude is crazy!
Passenger #2: Alright! I gave that guy money last time I saw him ’cause he said he was going back to Mars and he’s taking George Bush with him!

–Manhattan-bound L train

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Tell Us All about It, Dear

Professor: So, what did you all think of the Bodies Exhibit? Is there any part of the human anatomy you think you’d change if you had the chance?
Hipster guy: I’d get rid of nipples on guys. They’re kind of pointless.
Professor: That’s true. Although some men have very sensitive bosoms and enjoy being touched there. Have any of you ever been with a man who had a sensitive bosom? [One student awkwardly raises her hand.]

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

She Learned Her Lesson from the “You Kids Like Rape?” Guy

Suit to teen couple: You kids like drugs?
Girl: Um… Is that a trick question?

–Union Square

Headline by: MrCandey

Runners-Up:
· “Because I Only Trick for Cocaine” – ToddS
· “Like “Find America on a Map?” – Krisztina
· “Listen, Are You Getting In This Van Or What?” – gib
· “No, but Speak Closer to My Tie…” – Danny the Mullins
· “Worst Narc Ever” – samson


Click here to see the new Headline Contest