Crackhead: Excuse me, miss, but you don’t look so good. Are you okay?
Hot, drunk chick vomiting in a trashcan: I’m supposed to be asking you that!
–66th St, Lincoln Center station
Archive for February, 2008
Demolition of My Conscience Is Almost Complete
Law student #1: How was your summer?
Law student #2: Off the hook. Italy is the third fucking world. Poverty kicks ass when you don’t have to deal with it, like, every day.
–Mercer & 3rd
Wanna See Me Stop My Heart?
Girl #1: Oh, look, they have yoga.
Girl #2: Yeah, but it’s all ‘Breathe in, breathe out.’ I hate that shit.
–Shake Shack line, Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Jacqui
Um… Nail Gun!
Customer: Got anything to kill a mouse?
Clerk: Hammer!
Customer: Yeah, tried that.
–True Value Hardware Store, Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: I Prefer A Circular Saw
They’ll Have Their Own Reality Show within a Year
Man yelling from upper floor: Bitch! You lucky I can’t come down there and beat yo’ ass!
Woman yelling up from street: That’s why yo’ ass is in there!
–Brooklyn House of Detention for Men
Overheard by: Jimbo Jones
We’re Too Weird to Be Racist
White man to another: Before he shows up, you should probably know this guy’s a top 100 digger.
Black man: What’d you call me?!
White man: Uh, I just said… We’re nerds. It means we’re nerds.
–Starbucks, Astor Pl
It All Started with That Damn Gene Kelly Movie
Thug #1: Look at all them people with umbrellas.
Thug #2: They all a bunch of chumps.
Thug #1: The only reason they have umbrellas is peer pressure!
–45th & Lex
Overheard by: EthanK
Is It Your Time of the Month, Josh?
Female clerk: Do we have Skinny Bitch down here?
Queer clerk: Oh, I don’t know. What does she look like?
Female clerk: It’s a book.
Queer clerk: Oh, we have books here, too.
–Barnes & Noble
But Isn’t That Malt Liquor in Your Carriage?
Black woman with baby carriage to people trying to push in: What’s the matter with you mothafuckahs? Are the goddamn stairs broken?
Old black man: You take the stairs, bitch! I’m a veteran! I fought for my goddamn country, and now you won’t make room for me in a goddamn elevator?! [Doors close, leaving old black man out.]
Black woman with baby carriage: Fuck his old ass. Women and children first.
–Civil Court, 141 Livingston St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
But Haven’t That Collie’s Tits Been through Enough?
Girl: What are you doing later?
Guy: Well, I was gonna go home, eat something, do some schoolwork, and then smoke some weed and do some coke. Want some?
Girl: Absolutely.
Guy: Really?
Girl: Only if we can do lines off Lina’s* tits.
Guy: … Oh my god, I want to date you.
–The Met