Archive for February, 2008

But Isn’t That Malt Liquor in Your Carriage?

Black woman with baby carriage to people trying to push in: What’s the matter with you mothafuckahs? Are the goddamn stairs broken?
Old black man: You take the stairs, bitch! I’m a veteran! I fought for my goddamn country, and now you won’t make room for me in a goddamn elevator?! [Doors close, leaving old black man out.]
Black woman with baby carriage: Fuck his old ass. Women and children first. –Civil Court, 141 Livingston St, Brooklyn Overheard by: Big Larry

They Jerk Their Meat

Puerto Rican girl #1: I really hate the way she eats.
Puerto Rican girl #2: Yeah, but she’s Jamaican. You know how they are. –Bergen St, Brooklyn Overheard by: Dumbfounded Headline by: Gutterlush Runners-Up:
· “At Least She Isn’t Dominican.” – Jon
· “Even Their Chickens Are Jerks.” – Howard Bannister
· “Psychic?” – Beryl
· “Racism! It’s What’s For Dinner” – Goldielox
· “You’re Just Jealous You Can’t Use Your Dreads As a Fork” – Chels
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Along with Blue Balls and Shame

NYU brat #1: So, did you guys end up hooking up, or what?
NYU brat #2: Yeah, we dry-humped for, like, an hour.
NYU brat #1: Dry-humped?! What are we, back in, like, eighth grade?
NYU brat #2: What, you haven’t heard? Dry-humping is sooo back in. –NYU Overheard by: CK

Over 1 Billion Wednesday One-Liners Served

Guy to friend: Yo! I’m mad hungry! I want some anus! [Passengers stare.] … Awww, shit! I meant that shit from McDonald’s — angus! Angus! –4 train Enthusiastic queer: This train smells like McDonald’s! Someone’s being a chubby chicken! –Queens-bound N train Overheard by: Onion Hobo: Just so you know, they don’t got liquor stores in heaven. They don’t got no McDonald’s, neither. –1 train Overheard by: Galen Girl on cell: He’s obsessed with America’s Next Top Model… And he watches What Not to Wear… What? No… Mom, he said that McDonald’s fries are his weakness, but they go straight to his thighs! How much gayer do you need him to be?! –Pratt Institute Mom to crying kid in stroller: Well, if you don’t want McDonald’s, I don’t know what I can get you. –207th & Broadway