Man: Do you have ID?
Teenagers: Huh?
Man: ’cause you gotta be high to be in here!
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: the imbiber
Archive for March, 2008
In Russia, That’s Like a French Kiss
Man #1: I was cashing my check in Brighton Beach and this Russian dude almost hit my little brother. So I went and tapped on his window and you know the first thing I did?
Man #2: What’s that?
Man #1: I spit in his mouth. He opened up his mouth and got a mouthful of my spit. Then I started walking away and he got out of his car and was like 6ft 9, all basketball style.
–Nathan’s at Coney Island
Overheard by: Brad Benson
Was He Actually Talking about *That*? Because That Would Be Sad.
Wannabe gangster, on opposite Up escalator, watching couple in their mid-20s kissing on Down escalator: Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.
[Girl flashes a thumbs-up behind the guy's back.]
Wannabe gangster: Yo, that bitch is COOL!
–AMC Theatre, Times Square
Overheard by: just eating popcorn
Dog: “Ugh! She Wants it AGAIN? I’m Only Canine!”
Girl #1: She wants a doggie.
Guy: A doggie?
Girl #1: Yeah, a doggie.
Girl #2: She likes it doggie?
Girl #1: That’s the only reason she lives for.
–Fort Green, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rat
Lately Jesus Finds Himself Obsessively Playing ‘Dead Rising’
Guy #1: The Jehovah Witnesses say the world is ending and the good will inherit the earth… So then what? The less good people will be the bad people, and little things will seem worse?
Guy #2: I don’t get it, these religions are inconsistent. Is Jesus taking the good people with him or do the good people inherit the earth? I hope he takes them with him.
Guy #1: I spoke with Jesus and he doesn’t know what’s going on: he just got the Xbox 360 and said he could care less.
Guy #2: He sounds like a good guy.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Bobby
The Grateful Ones Are Best
Ghetto man, sticking his head into the car and yelling to no one in particular: Are you single? [Nobody replies.] Are you single?!
Ghetto girl: Yeah, I’m single.
[he walks over to her.]
Ghetto girl: My husband left me. After five years he just left. Said “I love Frank.”
Ghetto man, announcing to the rest of the car: Did you hear that? This woman’s husband left her for another man! [to the woman]: What’s your phone number? [She gives out digits]
–F train
Overheard by: and she wonders why…
He Was Talking about His Son’s Slutty Girlfrined
Southern tourist #1: Oh my god! Look! It’s Junior’s Cheesecake!
Southern tourist #2: Oh yeah! I’ve heard of them. They serve it at the Cheesecake Factory!
–Minskoff Theatre
Overheard by: Renee
Won’t You Please Donate to Help These Poor Victims of Time Travel?
Shirtless old guy, walking over to a group of friends: Looks like you got a nice circle there, mind if I join you guys?
Stranger: No, I think we’re good…
Shirtless old guy: Well, I’ll be back…[looks up at the trees.] Do you see the pterodactyls? …up there, the dinosaurs? [Wakes up a hobo on the benches.] Sir, you see them, don’t you? …pterodactyls…pkawww pkawww [flaps his arms.]
[back to the group of friends]
I’ll be back. pkawww!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Arvind Chandra
Finally, Someone Understands That the Terms Are Mutually Exclusive.
Dude: I don’t want coffee, I want Starbucks!
–Bleecker & Thompson
Overheard by: office peon
Headline by: desire
Runners-Up:
· “And For The Last Time, I’m Not From The Bronx; I’m From Riverdale!” – Gutterlush
· “Howard Shultz: Don’t Call It a Comeback, It That Easy, G!” – Drewp
· “I Can’t Decipher That Small, Medium, Large Jargon They Use Everywhere Else.” – Jessie Birks
· “Overheard in Seattle: Shit, They Know” – digital hash
· “The Top Conerns Of the Nation: War, Peace, and Finding a Starbucks” – abbitt the rabbitt
· “Yeah, Well I Really Don’t Think We Have Time For a Handjob, Joe.” – Idiocracy
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Especially Ryan Adams
Hipster #1: No water?!?!
Hipster #2: I can’t believe they’re denying us the most basic necessity … I hate everyone right now!
–McCarren Park Pool