Archive for March, 2008

In Russia, That’s Like a French Kiss

Man #1: I was cashing my check in Brighton Beach and this Russian dude almost hit my little brother. So I went and tapped on his window and you know the first thing I did?
Man #2: What’s that?
Man #1: I spit in his mouth. He opened up his mouth and got a mouthful of my spit. Then I started walking away and he got out of his car and was like 6ft 9, all basketball style.

–Nathan’s at Coney Island

Overheard by: Brad Benson

Lately Jesus Finds Himself Obsessively Playing ‘Dead Rising’

Guy #1: The Jehovah Witnesses say the world is ending and the good will inherit the earth… So then what? The less good people will be the bad people, and little things will seem worse?
Guy #2: I don’t get it, these religions are inconsistent. Is Jesus taking the good people with him or do the good people inherit the earth? I hope he takes them with him.
Guy #1: I spoke with Jesus and he doesn’t know what’s going on: he just got the Xbox 360 and said he could care less.
Guy #2: He sounds like a good guy.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Bobby

The Grateful Ones Are Best

Ghetto man, sticking his head into the car and yelling to no one in particular: Are you single? [Nobody replies.] Are you single?!
Ghetto girl: Yeah, I’m single.
[he walks over to her.]
Ghetto girl
: My husband left me. After five years he just left. Said “I love Frank.”

Ghetto man, announcing to the rest of the car: Did you hear that? This woman’s husband left her for another man! [to the woman]: What’s your phone number? [She gives out digits]

–F train

Overheard by: and she wonders why…

She Understands Accessories

Man in paper hat, leather jacket covered in soda can tabs, and poofy skirt over jeans: She comes in and she comes home and breaks my heart, and the worst part is that I don’t understand her language. I’m better off with… [Steps back to peer at magazine a girl is reading] I’m better off with that one. What’s her name? Turn the page back one. Yeah, her. Tyra? Tyra. I’m better off with Tyra.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl