Chick #1: I’m nostalgic for the ’40s.
Chick #2: You can’t be nostalgic for an era you never lived through.
Chick #1: Fine. Then I long for the ’40s to the very depth of my soul.
Chick #2: From your loins?
Chick #1: Yes. My loins… They long for the ’40s.
–Herald Square
Archive for May, 2008
Wasn’t “Jesus” His Stage Name, Anyway?
Girl #1: She asked us once if Jesus had a last name.
Girl #2: Oh. [Pauses.] Wait, I know this one.
–Penn Station
Yet I’m Oddly Hungry
Woman in elevator: So then he just bit off the hamster’s head.
Man in elevator: That’s gross.
Woman in elevator: I’m telling you. That’s what happens when you don’t feed babies. They just bite off hamsters’ heads and eat them. It’s disgusting.
Man just entering elevator: This is so disturbing.
–Elevator, Ripley-Ggrier Studios
Overheard by: a poor victim of this conversation
Better Not Make Her My Happy Place
Girl yuppie: Isn’t it crazy how rapidly presidents age over eight years?
Guy yuppie: Oh I know, all the stress.
Girl yuppie: If Hil wins president, she’s gonna be a hot mess.
Guy yuppie: She’ll look like Margaret Thatcher after three months!
–Metro North
Overheard by: Sromeo
At the Rationalization Quarterfinals
Insurance guy #1: Man, I love this weather!
Insurance guy #2: Yeah, I love global warming… That’s why I drive an SUV. We’re tropical animals, we’re supposed to be in tropical weather!
–25th St & Madison Ave
Exactly.
Four-year-old girl, jubilantly: The letter y!
Father: Z.
Four-year-old girl: Good-bye.
Father: Four.
Four-year-old girl: What?
Father: Yes.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Christin
I Save That Kind Of Talk for Our Appointments with Mistress Stephanie
[A couple are looking in the mirror.]
Man: Why don’t you ever say anything when my glasses are all wonky?
Woman: Say anything?
Man: Yeah, like you wonky cunt.
–Bloomingdale’s, 3rd Ave
Would Also Help Solve the Problem of What to Put in My Video-Will
Old man: By this time of day, my left buttcheek always starts hurting! Not the right one, just the left one. In the morning I feel fine, but by the afternoon… It hurts!
Old lady: I don’t know what to tell you, Earl. Maybe you need to shake it more.
–Bay Terrace
Overheard by: Sov
The Day Dad Realized Kids Don’t Get Sarcasm
Little boy holding a box of cupcakes: Dad, I need money.
Dad: Just run.
–Magnolia Bakery
Overheard by: Mike
Is This the One Where She Wears a Hat Made of Fruit?
[Just before the curtain rises on the opera Carmen.]
Guy: Do you know the show?
Girl: Uh-uh.
Guy: It’s sooo sad. Like Rent.
Girl: Oooh. Wow.
–The Met