Archive for July, 2008

And on the Third Day, George Carlin Rose

Crazy guy in camouflage: And I was like: “Fucking…what the fuck, man! Fuck it!”
Teen passerby (very seriously): I love that man.
Preppy friend: Oh my god, me too! (gives thumbs up) –48th & 6th Headline by: Golf Widow Runners-Up:
· “Everyone Loves a Good Fuck” – melly
· “How Billy and Tommy Knew What Love Really Means” – Stellina
· “I Hear He’s Speaking at Graduation!” – fucking fan
· “Schizophrenia Is the New Black.” – Josh
· “Tourette’s Groupies” – TheSchilsk
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Chicks with Wednesday One-Liners!

Chick on cell: In the past three weeks, I've been to more tranny-hosted parties than non-tranny hosted parties. –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Mini-Asian teen: Well he's not a real man in the sense that he has a penis, or like, male reproductive organs. –6 Train Loud woman: I can't tell whether he's a lesbian or just gay. –Bamboo 52 Overheard by: Aidan Angry man: Suck my pussy dick! –Canal St Overheard by: Kaitlen Black woman to group of friends, after watching an attractive black man walk by: Mmmmm, he so fine! I wanna stick my dick up that ass! –Duane Reade Bum on subway: (singing) when I go into space, I'ma take a stripper wit' me!
(woman puts a dollar bill in his cup)
Bum: I'ma take a trannie too, but the trannie cost extra!
(man puts a dollar in his cup)
Bum: La dee da! –L Train from Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Fall Far from the Tree

Girl on cell passing by: That sounds great, honey, but there is no possible reason you'd need to shove an entire lime in the garbage disposal. –Lafayette & Houston (tourist lady eats banana)
Ferry bag lady: Why are you eating that banana? You know it's not healthy for you. They say you need potassium but you don't need no potassium. You don't want no banana, it's nasty and mushy. Throw it out. Throw out that banana. You don't want no nasty mushy banana.
(bug-eyed tourist lady continues to eat banana) –Staten Island Ferry Terminal Five-year-old girl, sitting in the grocery cart next to her twin sister, as their mother pushes them around the store: You're squishing me like a pineapple! You're squishing me like a pineapple, I said! –9th St Market Overheard by: Elle Woods (Chelsea Huckabay) Old man with Boston accent to prepubescent boy: Squirt that in your nose and it's like you have a blueberry bush. –42nd & 5th Overheard by: Anniemal 20-year-old bakery chick: I was in Brooklyn yesterday on 18th Ave. There were three Mexicans on bikes. One was dressed like a banana. So then I walked up to him and I was like: "Dude, you're dressed like a banana and you're on a bike, that's awesome. Can I take a picture of you?" –Bakery, Staten Island Overheard by: Traci Cuccurullo Loud girl: I never wash my fruit! I eat things that have fallen on the floor! And that's why I don't have allergies! –375 Hudson St. Overheard by: Harriet Vane