Barnes & Noble employee #1: Some bum is washing his ass in the men's restroom.
Barnes & Noble employee #2 (in horror): Oh god.
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Yesenia
Archive for September, 2008
Men and Women Define “Relationship” Differently
Woman: It's almost impossible to have a relationship in this city. I make more than most of the men I find attractive.
Man: If you weren't my boss…I would hit that.
Woman: Yeah but… What?
Man: I'm just say'n.
–59th St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: BobbyKane
Which May or May Not Have a Minimum Height Requirement
Old guy: I heard they have a ride for kids over there.
Ghetto guy: Are you kidding me? The only good ride you can get around here is nine chicks and one dude!
–Nostrand Ave & Ave Y, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Amber S
“…So I Can Go Into Clown Porn!”
Guy #1: Yeah, I was at the national unicycling convention.
Guy #2: It's sad that you couldn't put your skills to use… You could be a stuntman, or a sex slave. But no! You said, “Daddy, I want a unicycle!”
–F Train
We Imagine a Young Katherine Hepburn in This Role
Hot chick: You are never gonna get a job talking like that.
Thug: Yeah, you know, I can turn dis shit off and talk all professional and shit if I have to. (in professional voice): I can speak in a manner which is becoming to a young professional and present myself as an upstanding member of society (now back to thug speak) nawmsayin'?
Hot chick (sarcastically, enunciating each word): Yes. I know what you are saying.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Joey Cards
There Are Eight Million Stories in the Naked City
Crazy guy: Hello.
Girl: Hi.
Crazy guy: You know, yesterday I had a nervous breakdown. My girlfriend kicked me out of the house forever.
Girl: Oh…
Crazy guy: It was nice talking to you. Bye.
–Union Square
Is It Even Legal to Turn Down Catherine Zeta Jones?
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: (gasp) All I know is (gasp) that I would fuck the shit out of her.
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #2: (silence)
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: Are you honestly saying (gasp) you wouldn't fuck the shit out of her?
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #2: If she was a man…
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: Fuck that shit! (gasp) I'm not hearing that.
–Subway Stop, 168th & Broadway
Overheard by: I Would 2
Does She Still Live in a Van Down by the East River?
Blonde girl: I mean this in the nicest way possible, but she looks exactly like Chris Farley.
Brunette girl: Oh my gosh, you're so right! I can't believe I never noticed before!
Blonde girl: I know! But I totally mean it as a compliment.
–Nobu Restaurant, W 57th
Overheard by: sromeo
Every Brilliant Idea Has a Catch
Waitress #1: Do you have any tampons?
Waitress #2: Yeah, I have regular and super.
Waitress #1: Are they the plastic kind? The cardboard snags my vagina.
–Restaurant, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Unappetized
Poor Guy's More of a Houndstooth Czech
Gay guy #1, checking out another guy: That's a cute outfit.
Gay guy #2: Not with that face.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Oobs