Hobo with jar around his neck reading “TIPS” is approached by another hobo wearing a sign reading “CLASSIC BUM.” An American Apparel employee comes out and takes a Polariod. “TIPS” hobo: This is a Bum War, lady. But you like what you see? Spare some change? –Houston & Orchard
30-something fag hag: I mean, cum is a fine substance. In small quantities it can even be kind of pleasant. But you wouldn’t want a bucket of it.
Queer: Speak for yourself. –Miracle Grill Overheard by: Trying not to choke on my nachos
Tourist suit: Excuse me, can you tell me where the Empire State Building is?
Guy: Just look up, man. –32nd & 5th Overheard by: still looks up
Filipino girl #1: So, he’s from Bangladesh, right?
White guy: Really? Are you sure? ‘Cause he looks white…
Filipino girl #2: Yeah, but he’s really Filipino. Bangladesh is in Asia, right?
Filipino girl #1: Yeah, but not our part, which is why he doesn’t look completely white like me. –1 train
Girl: He’s gross.
Guy: Well, he likes you.
Girl: He’s like Jabba the Hut! –79th & Lex Overheard by: Shivvers
Little girl #1: What’s your name?
Little girl #2: No!
Little girl #1: Want a cookie?
Little girl #2, snatching it and shoving it in her mouth: No! –Sandbox, Prospect Park Overheard by: braincurve
Chick: Hey, how’s it going?
Dude: Hey, wassup?
Chick: Not much. It’s so weird to see you outside.
Dude: I know. I told you I lived near you.
Chick: Oh, yeah. I remember now.
Dude: What are you doing here?
Chick: Heard the coffee here is pretty famous.
Dude: Yeah, it is.
Chick: Anyways, I gotta go, but do you even know my name?
Chick: What? I know yours. Tony, right?
Dude: No. I’m Dennis.
Chick: Oh, shit. Okay, Dennis. I’m Sonia. Anyways, gotta go. I will see you again, okay?
Dude: Alright. Bye.
Chick: Bye. –Central Park
Straight Jewish boy: Oh, man, with going now to see the Assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford, plus I saw 3:10 to Yuma last week, I’m going to have seen two westerns in the past two weeks. I feel so manly.
Hipster girl: Don’t worry, we can go get you a throw pillow later. –Outside the Angelika
Dwarf with walking disability: Could you go upstairs and get me a glass of water?
Man: Water? To drink?
Dwarf: Yeah, to drink. What do you think I’m gonna do with it, wash my hair?
Nearby woman: You could swim in it, I guess. –Abington Theatre Lobby Overheard by: Chris
Hippie kid: Hey, man, do you know which way North is?
Club kid: Wow, I’m bad with directions…
Hippie kid: So, does that mean you don’t know how to get to 15th Street?
Club kid: Oh, yeah! I can give someone the right directions for once! It’s that way [points to 13th Street. –14th & 8th