Archive for 2008

None of That Explains Carrot Top

First man: So after Cain killed Abel he was sent from exile and went up Europe way.
Second man: Not Asia?
First man: No, the Caucus mountains… that’s up Europe way.
Second man: Oh, you mean like Turkey.
First man: And since black people don’t like the cold, Cain went to live in a cave and started to grow and was the first caveman. Now at that time there was dinosaurs but they weren’t really dinosaurs, we call them dinosaurs but that’s just how God made animals, you know, until you start messin with the DNA of ‘em.
Second man: Oh!
First man: Then Cain met his sister and they had a baby together but since Cain was cursed for being the first murderer their baby came out an obino.
Second man: An obino?
First man: Yeah, a red-headed blue-eyed obino and that’s where white people come from. Then they went to the north pole and you know it’s light there six months and it’s dark there six months and the wind is always blowing and that’s where Asian people come from. That’s why they eyes is like that because the wind was always blowin in they faces.

–D Train

And Don’t You Dare Insult Crack

Taxi driver to colleague: Man, you know I don’t smoke that marijuana. How could you say that? It doesn’t do anything for me. So, I smoke crack. [turns to a young woman with bags] Want a taxi?
Young woman: No, especially if you smoke crack.
Taxi driver: It doesn’t matter what I smoke. If you can’t afford a taxi, just say that. Don’t insult me.

–In front of the Pathmark on Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn