Archive for 2008

Is That a New Gay Bar in Chelsea?

Tourist: Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to MoMA from here?
Suit: Fuck you, what do I look…
Tourist, indignantly interrupting: No, fuck you, you motherfucking piece of shit. You don’t want to answer, you say “I don’t know”. All you New Yorkers are a bunch of cock-sucking assholes.
[Suit, stunned, gives directions.]
Bystander to tourist
: Where did you learn to do that?

Tourist: The Midwest.

–Outside the Guggenheim

Overheard by: Ehem.

He’d Been Wearing His Fat-Invisibility Cloak at the Bar

[Guy walks by and elbows girl in head.]
Girl
: Ow!

[A drunk girl is passing by.]
Drunk girl
: I’m sorry!

Girl: No, some guy just elbowed me in the head.
Drunk girl: Don’t worry about it. One time I met this guy here and went home with him, but it turned out he lived in Brooklyn. And he was fat.

–Bar, 14th & Ave A

Unless You Plan to Back It Up with Action

Man: What’d you think?
Woman: Just another story about how guys can’t keep their golden horns in their pants.
Man: We can’t help it if our golden horns start to glow whenever we get near a vagina cave.
Woman: Don’t ever let me hear you say that again.

–Leaving IMAX Theatre After Beowulf, Lincoln Sqaure

Overheard by: The Professor