Archive for 2008

Tourist Season Is New York’s Hunting Season

Conductor: Attention, passengers. This is the last stop on this N train. For service to Brooklyn, please exit and take the R train. Again…
Tourist: Wait, is this the N train?
Passenger: Yes.
Tourist: Does the N train go to Brooklyn?
Passenger: Yes.
Tourist: Does this train go to Brooklyn?
Passenger, exiting: No.

–N Train

Overheard by: Still searching for the logical flaw

Little Girl: Mom, Why Do Fat Girls Wear Tight Clothes?

Chick #1, passing little girl on the street: Did you see that little girl?
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: She gave me the stink eye! That little four-year-old bitch gave me the stink eye!
Chick #2 (turns around to look at the little girl who’s still staring at them): Holy shit, she’s still looking! That bitch is crazy. Run!

–Union Square

Didn’t You Wonder Why the Entry Exam Has an Interior Design Section?

College girl #1: Jake is the kind of gay where you don’t know he’s gay and when you find out, it makes sense. Nobody can be that hot and that straight. It wouldn’t be fair to every other girl out there if you were dating him. He’s the kind of gay you cry over when you find out.
College girl #2: Every guy is gay here. How did you not know that he was? It’s like, a prerequisite to get in.

–Fordham University Lincoln Center

Noxema: *Shrug* Any Press Is Good Press.

Large 20-something tough-looking man: Dude, you have bags under your eyes, are you okay?
Large 20-something man: Yeah man, I’m just tired.
Large 20-something tough-looking man: Dude, I’m going to take you over to Duane Reade. We are going to get you this great stuff -it’s called Noxema! You just put some on your eyes before you go to bed and your bags will disappear!”

–A Train

I Mean, Maybe If It Was Your Birthday or Something

Guy #1: I mean, maybe I would spoon with you if it was really cold or if it was winter and we were in the mountains or something. But I’m really not that interested in spooning with you or anything. That’s the last thing on my mind.
Guy #2: Dude, I wasn’t offering.
Guy #1: I mean, I really don’t want to spoon you at all. Like, at all. That’s not my thing.
Guy #2: I really was not offering at all.

–1 Train