Archive for 2008

More Fun Than Anything I Could’ve Done on Long Island

Chick #1: So, what happened with you and that guy from the bar last night?
Chick #2: Oh, him? We went back to my place and had sex.
Chick #1: Oooh… How was it?!
Chick #2: Eh, it wasn’t the best. He wanted to do anal, and I was tired and drunk, so I was like, ‘Whatever…’
Chick #1: Oh my god, really? I would never do anal…
Chick #2: Eh, I thought so, too, but turns out it’s really not that bad. It’s just like shitting… only in reverse.

–LIRR

Come On! College Kids Don’t Wake Up in the Morning!

Ice cream man: Yo, man, can I get a cigarette?
Male student: Uh, sure. They’re cloves — is that okay?
Ice cream man: Yeah, man. Just need some air in my lungs [lights up in the ice cream truck]. Yo, you must love going here. You must wake up in the morning and be like, ‘Mmm, smells like…’ Hahaha

–Outside F.I.T.

Overheard by: Monochrome

And He’s about to Mace You

Old lady, to two-year-old: … And what a sweet little girl you are! [Lady turns to child's father] It’s nice to see that in this day of child molesters and perverts your daughter isn’t afraid of playing with complete strangers.
Old lady’s old hubby, whispering: Honey, that’s a little boy.

–La Bagel, 15th & 1st

Where the Meth Comes Sweepin’ Down the Plain

Bimbette: Not a lot of people do meth anymore. It’s like one in ten million.
Guy: What?! It’s like the crack of the Midwest. Everyone does it.
Bimbette: No, it only seems like that because they’re all in one state.
Guy: Which one?
Bimbette: Oklahoma.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Is Kathy Ireland, the designer, one of them?