Archive for 2008

Unless You Plan to Back It Up with Action

Man: What’d you think?
Woman: Just another story about how guys can’t keep their golden horns in their pants.
Man: We can’t help it if our golden horns start to glow whenever we get near a vagina cave.
Woman: Don’t ever let me hear you say that again.

–Leaving IMAX Theatre After Beowulf, Lincoln Sqaure

Overheard by: The Professor

What Was Wrong With “Bob Dylan”?

Literature prof: Carlos Fuentes and Octavio Paz were two Mexican intellectuals who wrote essays concerning what it meant to be Mexican. Can anyone name some equivalent American intellectuals who were concerned with what it means to be American?
Student #1: Steven Spielberg?
Student #2: J. K. Rowling?
Student #3: Bob Dylan?
Student #4: C. S. Lewis?
Student #5: Stephen King?
[silence]

–Fordham University Classroom

Overheard by: [Embarrassed] to be an American

I’m Like, Oh No, You Vatican’t!

Sassy gay guy: Have you seen how ghetto the Upper East Side has gotten?
Girl in yoga clothes: Um.
Sassy gay guy: And everyone is a bitch. A freakin’ nun pushed me out of her way one time.
Girl in yoga clothes: Ha! Really?!
Sassy gay guy: Yes mam! [Snaps his fingers.] So I pushed her all the way down, girl. Whatever. I don’t care. I’m not Catholic!

–50th & Broadway

“No” Is the Safest Default Response for a Woman

Dude: Oh hey: Love Actually. Have you ever seen this movie?
Chick: No. [Pauses and looks at the movie he is holding.] Oh, yes. Yes, I have.
Dude: You know, you always answer “no” first. No matter what I ask, you always answer “no” and then change your answer to “yes” when you actually realize what I said. You can actually think about the question before you answer, you know. The outcome would be the same.

–Barnes & Noble