Archive for 2008

Hardly. I Studied with the Bejing Opera

Black chick: What kind of soup do you got?
Chinese deli guy: Uhhh, we got some chicken noodle soup.
Black chick: Oh, just chicken noodle soup?
Chinese deli guy, singing and dancing: With a soda on the side! [Black chick glares at him in silence.] Uhhh, yeah, that’s all.
Black chick: That’s fuckin’ ign’ant, man.

–106th & 2nd

Since When Is That “New” in the Bronx?

Black chick, hysterical: Hahaha, and what did the guy say — hahaha — when he fell from the building? Hahaha, what he say?
Black dude: Um… I don’t know…
Black chick: Hahaha, he said, ‘Ouch!’ Hahaha, I’m so hyper!
Black dude: Yo, there’s a new energy drink — it’s called crack.

–Hunter College, 8th floor balcony

Overheard by: Liza

Ah, the Eternal Question

Blonde: So, I went home for Thanksgiving, and my grandmother told me that only ugly girls apply to grad school, because they can’t find a husband. Then she said she would pay for me to get a boob job so I could find a husband.
Adoring friend: Wow, your grandma is so cool!
Blonde: Yeah, but like, I wouldn’t know how big to get them, ’cause I don’t want back problems or anything, but I’ve always wanted boobs!

–NYU bus

Overheard by: Sarah

Thanks, Brainiac — Now We’ll Never Know What His Cock Was Like

Blonde sex addict: I mean, I met him at my AA meeting. That’s truly what kept me going there.
Brunette sex addict: Hey, whatever keeps you in the program.
Blonde sex addict: Yeah, but after we made love the third time, I just knew he was a survivor of incest, and since I am a survivor I can just tell. I mean, he didn’t tell me or anything, but I knew.
Brunette sex addict: Oh… But was the sex good?
Blonde sex addict: Ohhh, yeah. I mean, it was hot — since we are both addicts. I mean, his cock was sooo–
Father with four young kids, interrupting: –Stop! Have you people no souls?!
Blonde sex addict: … So, yeah — I’ll be at the meeting Friday and Monday, too…

–1 train, after a Sexaholics Anonymous meeting

Also, I May Need to Be Changed

Thug: Yo, I need to get this shit cashed.
Clerk: Do you have an account, sir?
Thug: Yeah, but I ain’t got my card or my number.
Clerk: Sir, I need your social security number, then.
Thug: Aight, hold up. [Pulls out phone] Hey, Mommy, what’s my social again?

–Chase Bank, Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: Tabitha