Archive for 2008

Open-Toed Sandals Don’t Make ‘Em Cream Like They Used To

Hot straight guy #1: Geez, what size shoes do you wear, dude?
Hot straight guy #2: They’re size fourteen.
Hot straight guy #1: And how tall are you?
Hot straight guy #2: Oh, I’m 6’1″.
Hot straight guy #1: Damn, dude — you must have a huge cock!
Queer: Dude…
Hot straight guy #2: Man, I thought you were gonna say what I always hear — ‘Dude, big feet — you know what that means? Big shoes!’ I hear that all the time.
Hot straight guy #1: I know, right?
Hot straight guy #2: I like to say, ‘Yeah, it means a big cock, right?’ but that always leads to an awkward silence. I applaud you for coming right out with that.
Queer: Um…
Hot straight guy #1: Yeah, I left my shoes at my girlfriend’s the other day, and her mom made a comment on them — ‘Big shoes…’ I mean, her mom!
Hot straight guy #2: That’s crazy.
Queer: Guys, look — unless you’re gonna whip ‘em out, can we stop talking about your gigantic cocks, please?

–1166 6th Ave

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

And Stop Fondling Yourself

PA announcement: Passengers with over-sized packages must check them at the end of the jetway.
Traveling dude #1: I have an over-sized package… But I can’t check it, baby! Woo-hoo!
Traveling dude #2: You’re a jackass.

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: octoserge

Fine, I’ll Count My Blessings. Whatever.

Woman receiving massage: Do you fix a broken heart?
Chinese masseuse: What? What you say. Heart? Pain? Heart not good?
Woman: I said, do you fix a broken heart?
Chinese masseuse: Hmmm… You heart is good! No bad! No worry! You healthy — very, very good!
Woman: Oh… Good…

–Massage parlor, Mott St

Nice Hat, Though

Preppy guy #1: Oh, man, I can’t believe you. You’re just such a… a gay cowboy.
Preppy guy #2: Haha, Brian’s* not a cowboy.
Brian*: Oh, thanks, dude. Thanks.

–Macy’s

Overheard by: greg