Archive for 2008

She Is So Going To Regret Being Named Scat Now

Twentysomething woman to friends: Yeah, I was thinking I should really google myself too, so I can finally like…
Friend: See what you do?
Twentysomething woman: Yeah! –122nd, between Broadway and Amsterdam Overheard by: amarg Headline by: Del Runners-Up:
· “Debbie From Dallas Will Be in For a Shock…” – BareNakedLady
· “Google: Solving Existential Crises Since 1998” – Ely Henry
· “Put a Towel Down First” – Kevin P
· “Stacy Finds Out What All Those Little Blinking Red Lights in Her Boyfriend’s Bedroom Were All About.” – danielle
· “Vanity, Thy Name Is Google!” – fester60613
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Won’t Somebody Please Think of the Wednesday One-Liners?

Little boy: But I was really excited for her to get a hernia! –35th & 6th Overheard by: alix Eleven-year-old boy, to classmate that he just hit with a ball representing "responsibility": Oooooooo!!! You just got pounded in the face with responsibility!!! –Bushwick, Brooklyn Overheard by: Their Proud Counselor Ten-year-old girl, about figures: Why do they all have to be boys? –Bodies: The Exhibition, South Street Seaport Overheard by: Robert Young child crossing the street while holding his mothers hand: [Singing] Please… Don’t… Enter me. –70th St & Columbus Little boy: It’s not illegal to jiggle. –6th & 17th Preschooler to daddy: Can I get that three hundred dollars now? –UES

Wednesday One-Liners Spin Fat into Muscle

African man, yelling into cell: I am not riding a bike! I’m not a machine! I’m not a machine! I’m not a wheel! –W 23rd St Overheard by: I’m a train! Loud chick on cell: So I told him he’s gotta do some exercises or something to keep up with me. I mean, he doesn’t do any foreplay or anything, just climbs his fat ass on top of me… –37th & Broadway Guy on phone at sandwich shop: How am I? Well, that’s a complicated quesion -do you mean right now, or in general? Because right now, Lisa’s got a really bad cold and is all set up on the couch and I just got back from a eulogy for a friend’s pop. So now I’m getting a coffee and then I plan on riding the bicycle at the gym -’cause that’s the closest I can get to heroin. How are you? –85th & Columbus Ave Lady, to marathon wheelchair participants: Don’t just sit there, go go go! –99th & 5th, NYC Marathon Grown woman, clapping and bouncing up and down: Yaaaaaaay, I get to go on the slide! –76th & York Ten-year-old girl leaving the midnight showing of Harry Potter: Ugh. I am never working out again! –68th & Broadway Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Thank God the Wednesday One-Liners’ Strike Is Over

Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives! –LIRR Overheard by: Poogins Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is "Desperate Housewives" on?! –10th Street & 3rd Ave Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: "I wanna forget you!" I was like: "Whaaaaaat? For real?" It was crazy, you gotta catch it! –Times Square Office Building Overheard by: SUSAN Redhead: The "Brady Bunch" world is a world without urges. –Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2nd Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech. –On the Bus Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: "I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van." –15th between 6th and 7th Overheard by: Disunionsquare Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.] –Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square