Archive for 2008

Like a Bowling Ball Hitting the Lead Pin

Drunk guy #1: I haven't really done anything past missionary.
Drunk guy #2: Dude, why?
Drunk guy #1: Well I did do this one where she bent over and my balls kept on smacking her ass.
Drunk guy #2: Doggie style?
Drunk guy #1: No, not doggie style, I've seen dogs fuck, and it wasn't like this, like my balls were really smacking her ass, it made a sound. I watched dogs, their balls don't make a sound like that. It was like a smack, you know. –PATH Train

So That's What Happened to the Ghost of Rodney Dangerfield.

Woman #1: Have you ever been with a married man?
Woman #2: No. Not even when I was married. –23rd & 9th Ave Overheard by: C-Belle Headline by: Rob Runners-Up:
· “…But My Husband Has.” – Jen
· “Among the More Common Transexual Paradoxes” – Leary Blaine
· “I Could Never Schedule an Appointment With His Secretary” – Lizzay
· “I Knew There Was a Reason I Shouldn’t Have Married a Priest…” – Lukas
· “What Are You Trying to Say, Mom?” – dazed and confused
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

And I'm Still Smarter Than You. That's Gotta Burn

Hip 18-year-old daughter: Mom, stop laughing! I'm like the least funny person I've ever met.
Mom, laughing: No, you're so funny! You always have been! It's like you have an extra chromosome or something. (walks into an apartment and closes door behind her before her daughter and her friend can follow).
Girl's friend: So, you're retarded. You have an extra chromosome. You're fucking retarded. –87th & East End Overheard by: Sophie

Three Blind Wednesday One-Liners

Homeless man, watching cute little mouse: That mouse is aggressive! It'll attack you if provoked. –Central Park Concerned Long Island tween, pointing at a rat in the tracks: Oh my god, how did a squirrel get in here? Seriously, we should help it. –W 4th St Station Father to daughters, with head cocked up listening to dark void in the platform: Hear that, girls? The rats are playing. –96th & Broadway Subway Platform Overheard by: sueinthecity Random blond chick: I don't wanna be the fricking mouse. –Asian Restaurant, Chinatown Dude: I was raised with rodents. –Hunter College Eight-year-old Italian kid to another: Hey, you know that bracelet you got at the feast? The next day I saw a mouse with it around his neck, swear to god! –Lorimer & Maujer, Williamsburg Overheard by: Natalya Petrovna

Maverick Wednesday One-Liners Take on the Washington Establishment

Woman: So my friend was going to vote for Obama, but now, since her boyfriend is from, like, Alaska, she's going to vote for McCain instead. –Store, 2nd Ave Woman to friend: Joe says he weighs 145 but he's a Republican. You can't trust anything he says. –Pinetree Lodge, 35th & 1st Hobo on street corner: Vote for McCain. Get nuclear rockets shot up your ass and eat moose burgers all day! –W 3rd & MacDougal St Overheard by: Matt 60-something woman dressed like teenybopper, talking about Sarah Palin on cell: She proves you can be pretty and smart. She's more than a bulldog in a pantsuit; she's like Alaska Barbie! –Penn Station Yuppie dad to whiny daughter: Barack Obama doesn't like it when his daughters whine. –Caroll Gardens Middle-aged, white man on cell: Do not call me at this number again. Never call me at this number again. Listen, if you call me at this number again I will, in fact, vote for John McCain. –Tea Lounge, Cobble Hill