Archive for 2008

Then He Wiped His Butt on It and Crotch-Walked Down the Street

American history professor: One of the Southern patriots even drafted a proposal to free several hundred slaves and form an army regiment with them in the revolution.
Student: Did it happen?
American history professor: Well he handed it in, but Washington took one look at it and was like “psssssssh, fuck no!” –Classroom, NYU Overheard by: kiss martha with that mouth?

Stand Clear Of the Closing Gryffindors, Please.

Conductor: Hello, and welcome to the Hogwarts Express. This is platform 9 3/4, and we will be leaving shortly for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Preteen holding Harry Potter book, to suit holding Harry Potter book: Oh my god! I knew they would come for me!
Suit holding Harry Potter book, to himself: I did too. –C Train

“Heterosexuality” – New to the PSP

Guy #1: Oh my god, dude!
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: I just lost the game.
Guy #2: Faggot! –Hudson & Leroy Overheard by: Jason Smith Headline by: David S Runners-Up:
· “After Every Game in the Detroit Lions Locker Room” – PeterG
· “It’s All in the Wrist.” – Coyoty
· “Thanks Overheard, Now We’ve All Lost! Http://” – Jen
· “This Is the Last Time Bob Played Homo / No Homo” – BabakganoosH
· “Well, the Game WAS “Only Hit on the Girls”…” – Punzie
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

What Is It About a Wednesday One-Liner in Uniform?

Security guard to another: I know it's habitual to act retarded. –Time Warner Security Check Overheard by: spandangle Security guard: The door's that way, people. I know that when you see a door you want to go through it–it's human nature. –Crown Plaza Hotel, Times Square Overheard by: GJL Female security guard: What does my sexual genitalia have to do with it? –Brooklyn Library Little boy: Mommy, mommy, look! They've got security guards! Must be a rich people place. –86th & Brooklyn Security guard, after metal detector beeps: Ma'am, would you please remove your wooden bracelet and walk back through the metal detector again? –Liberty Island Overheard by: heather linford Crazy security guard: I have so much gas. I'm going to take all my gas and send it to Iraq and end the war. (gets distracted by a girl walking past with an ice cream cone) Hey, you're stomach's gonna freeze! –NYU Dorm Overheard by: Honest Truth

Wednesday One-Liners Are Bringin' Sexy Barack

Security guy to suit: Why do you all feel like congratulating me for his win? Just cause I'm black doesn't mean I should be congratulated. Why do you keep doing that? What the fuck did I do? –Rockefeller Center Overheard by: pop pop little boy to father: When are the bad people leaving the White House so Obama can be President? –Grocery Store, 71st & 1st Ave Overheard by: Rena FedEx guy to shipping clerk: Obama's gonna go uptown and say, "that's right, niggas, I'z here!" –W 26th & 6th Ave Angry black woman on cell: Excuse me! Obama is our President now and I won't be calling you "massa" anymore. You understand? –Worth & Broadway Middle-aged black man sitting at bus stop: Not "yo mama," not "Osama," "Obama!" They should paint the White House black. No…that would be irresponsible. Maybe caramel. –125th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: Nicole Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. I want to wish you all a dry, cozy, Obama weekend. Now could you please spare some change for a hungry man? (young black man gives him change) Now that is an Obama voter. (looks around at white people) I will also accept change from McCain voters. –Uptown 1 Train Overheard by: Steph Guy on phone, announcing to the bar: My baby can say "Obama"! –Lucky Jack's, Orchard St Overheard by: Karin

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: I can't believe you broke a nail on your own ass hair! –Church & Chambers Three-year-old boy to another: I like you but I don't like your baby because your baby grabbed my hair. –Central Park, Great Lawn Girl: Oh, I'm so glad this is all working out. (gets up and sees her reflection) Fuck! Why didn't you tell me my hair looked like a dead beaver? –Prince St Cafe Overheard by: It DID Black woman to infant held by her mother: Where did you get all of that hair? I want some of that hair. (pats her head) This ain't my hair, I could really use yours. –Harlem Polling Station Overheard by: Joe Girl yelling into cell: He's not even hairy! –Times Square Overheard by: Well then why do they call him that? Chick: I thought we were made for each other, but he's too bearded. –113th St Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred