Archive for 2008

That's One Word for It

9th grade girl #1: Yo, this shit is mad boring. This school's a damn waste of ma time. Plus, it's grimy and nasty, all the girls have that thing that begins with a “c,” what's it called?
9th grade girl #2: Cooties?
9th grade girl #1: Nah.
9th grade girl #2: Chlamydia?
9th grade girl #1: Yeah, that's it! That shit is annoying. –M86 Bus

And Now Here's Al Roker With the Wednesday One-Liners!

Homeless guy, giving umbrella to random white girl: This is for you. In case it rains. This (holding up alcohol bottle) is for me. You know why? Because I'm an alcoholic. –Penn Station Man to friend, about the Bruce Springsteen concert that night: You know what? If it starts raining, I'm just going to take off my shirt and scream the whole time. –Penn Station Girl: We're on an island, it doesn't snow here. –St. John's University, Staten Island Overheard by: Ang Vendor: Man, I know why we're having to pee so much! It's because it's colder and our bladders are shrinking. –Flea Market, 82nd & Columbus Overheard by: EthanK Woman yelling to complete stranger: It's not raining anymore! It stopped raining! You're the only one with an umbrella! –Port Authority

Wednesday One-Liners, Actually

Homeless guy hugging another: I love you, old school! You got a cigarette? –14th St & 8th Ave Drunk, fighting with another and punching phone booth: I will fuck you up, man! I love you, man! –E 11th St & 9th Ave Sloppy drunk dial outside gay club: I love you so fuckin much, mom…like…*more* than Anna Nicole! –Valda, Gay Bar, NYC Female NYU student: You don't love Joe Biden as much as I do. Dude, Joe Biden is awesome! He should be gay! –Tisch Hall, NYU Overheard by: Blair Guy leaning against light post, to girlfriend: Listen, I love you…but you're so fucking mean. –47th St & 8th Ave Overheard by: J&J

“Don't Hate Me Because I'm Wednesday One-Liner”

Female hipster, loudly: I hate those two! They're egomaniacs with low self esteem! –Staten Island Overheard by: Johnny Drongo Sullen-looking girl: I guess it's just incumbent on me to be cheerful regardless of the fact that I hate everything. –Warren St & W Broadway Overheard by: Tha WB Girl at Dali exhibition: I hate people. I hate museums. I really hate Spaniards. –Dali and Film Exhibition, MoMA Overheard by: Andi C. Concerned girl to friends: Maybe if we stopped singing Simon & Garfunkel so loudly, people would hate us less. –Grand Central Teen girl: I just hate her so much! I'm not even going to Facebook friend her, I hate her so much! –B Train Overheard by: Jen European woman wearing I Love NY shirt, holding Sex & the City box set: I hate Americans. –Canal & Lafayette

Wednesday One-Liners Do It Via Text

Girl on cell: My ex-boyfriend used to call the subway "The MTA," and I was like, "Yeah…this isn't working out." –Penn Station Overheard by: I would've dumped him too Teenager on cell: If, hypothetically, what we had been doing was dating, then technically, hypothetically, he just broke up with me. Fucking douche. –Finacial District Cute girl: Don't you know the rules of break-ups? You have to clean out the drawer. You can't bring old lube to a new relationship. –Essex & Grand Overheard by: yaletownkid Guy to friend: So you're telling me that I broke up with her because of lube? –Park Slope Guy on cell: Look, I know I said "forever." It's not your fault! To be honest, I just never really liked you that much! –West 4th St. Subway Entrance Preppy boy: That was the worst part about breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. She got a 50% discount at Polo! –Bloomingdale's

So Are You a Wednesday or a One-Liner?

Gay guy to friend: The men in my family die young while the women live much longer. I don't know where that leaves me. –W 4th St & Bank St Daughter to mother: There are only boys and girls, right? –M60 Bus Math geek to another: I think society benefits more from cross-dressing than murder. –Outside Tisch Hall, NYU Overheard by: shaun Woman to man: You did know she had a penis, right? –Broadway Overheard by: Jessica Guy, to another standing up: Sit down, sugar tits, this ain't our stop! –G Train Overheard by: Matthew & Aaron Guy to another: Hey, how're the bumps on your cervix doing? –Thompson & Bleecker Overheard by: office peon

Wednesday One-Liners Are 99.9% Effective When Used Properly

Middle-aged lady to guy handing out Obama and McCain condoms: Now I've got something to play with tonight! All I need is a man. –42nd & Broadway Overheard by: I Hate Times Square 30-something dad on cell pushing small child in stroller: You know, I'm all in favor of that Plan B medication. –Park Slope, Prospect Park Overheard by: Alex Girl in elevator to friend: I don't even know why you need condoms, they break anyway. But I didn't get pregnant! –Pratt Institute, Brooklyn Overheard by: Kar Guy at the sidewalk: Anybody wants McCain, Obama and Palin condoms? McCain, Obama and Palin condoms…get it here! Because either way, you're screwed! –Times Square Overheard by: non voter Girl to bartender: Can I get some of those condoms? (bartender takes out two) I mean, like a bunch? I'm a big dirtbag. –Boss Tweeds Suit on cell: You just wrap it in duct tape and put a condom on it. –7th St & Ave A Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman

Eric Cartman: “Wednesday One-Liner My Authori-tay!”

Disrespectful dude: We don't respect our old people here. Just makes more sense. –Penn Station Boisterous, deep voiced, West Indian woman: Miss, if you want respect, you must give respect! (pause) What the fuck are you gonna do about it? (pause) Miss, we will fight and we will die on this bus! –Bus, Church Ave Overheard by: Dena C. Conductor: Please step away from the doors. (pause) I'm asking you in a nice way to please step away from the doors. (pause) If you do it out of respect for me, or, um, I guess, you don't have to, but at least respect the other passengers. –Downtown 6 Train Overheard by: Vivi Guy: Yeah, I would never fart in her face, that's disrespectful. –Madison Sqaure Garden Overheard by: adelynn Emphatic bakery delivery man to store manager: You guys don't respect my bread. –46th St & 43rd Ave, Queens Overheard by: Anna Rose Guy on cell: I lost all respect for her after she fucked the ice cream man. –Dust Bowl, Central Park Overheard by: Jay Softe