Archive for 2008

Shake That Wednesday One-Liner! Watch Yo’self!

Ghetto girl to booty-smacking friends who knocked into passerby: Damn, girl! See what happens when you got a big ass? Innocent bystanders get hit! –7 train Overheard by: bill R Young guy: I don’t know names, I just know booties and faces. –11th St Pier Truck driver to old lady standing off curb: Back that ass up! –Houston & Broadway Overheard by: Christine Hobo to girl in striped spandex leggings: Ummm… Um, that’s some ass. I wish I could develop lockjaw and never let go! –E 5th St, between 1st & 2nd Middle-aged guy: … And so she’s like, ‘Why do you want a house in the Hamptons when you have a house in the city?’ Why? Because I can’t look at fine ass in the city. –Chinatown Overheard by: Rosie

The Rich Get Richer While the Poor Get Wednesday One-Liners

NYU fashionista: Oh my god — I am, like, so poor that my parents might sell my horse! –Washington Square Park Hipster girl: He grew up in a neighborhood so poor his purebred dog got stolen! –Williamsburg, Brooklyn Confused hippie: Wait, Mexicans carry Louis Vuitton bags? I thought that they were poor. Isn’t that why we’re supposed to feel sorry for them? –Alligator Lounge, Williamsburg, Brooklyn Salvation Army bell ringer: Donate money for the poor! Do something good for once in your life! –5th Ave Overheard by: Katrina Lady in fur coat to friend without one: Just go to Mexico — you won’t feel so poor there. –Leaving Henri Bendel, 5th Ave

Counterfeit Wednesday One-Liners

Tourist on cell: So, what do you want me to bring you back from NYC? A fake Louis Vuitton bag? Or fake Chanel perfume? –57th & 7th Bimbette: I just don’t have the energy to have a fake conversation. –LIRR Overheard by: tired Large black man laughing to self: They thought I was a fake doughnut. –1 train Overheard by: Craig Offended girl: Look at this fake snow! It mocks us! Fuck you, fake snow! –Houston & Bowery Overheard by: In complete agreement

Under the Influence of Wednesday One-Liners

Drunk Santa to drunk female Santa: I didn’t know what to do! I don’t know anything about kids! –Rockefeller Center Overheard by: James Tipsy LI teen to friend buying LIRR ticket: Is the machine gonna give you a bunch of Sacajaweas? … Dude… Sack-a-ja-wee-wee! She’s gonna be all up in your piece! –LIRR Overheard by: pri Drunk girl sobbing to another: You’re my opposite! You’re my everything! –Sala One Nine Overheard by: And I’m in the fifth dimension… Drunk man: My penis can touch my asshole! –12th & 3rd Drunk girl: You know what would be really weird and sort of pointless? A life-size map. –12th & 2nd Drunk white guy to passerby: He act like is my fault that I’m drunk. –39th & 8th Overheard by: How odd is that

Suitable Wednesday One-Liners

Handsome suit: He can totally clean my gutters anytime. He’s got the whole package. –Exiting Sheraton hotel, 7th Ave Suit on cell: It’s when someone urinates on you… –19th & 7th Overheard by: Golden Slumbers Suit: No one ever wants any of my gum. It’s not poisoned! I might put something in your drink at a bar, though. –A train Overheard by: emilyc Suit to another: That’s because all you eat is fully-cooked, non-contaminated food. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it… –24th & 6th Overheard by: Angi Suit holding sexual harassment pamphlet, to HR department: I have conquered sexual harassment! –102nd St Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

The Tongue in Your Ear Is All Part of the Experience

Professor: You should really consider going to Europe. It may be boring, but it’s cheap!
Ghetto girl in back: Fuck that shit! I’d rather go to Disney!
Professor: Europe is actually less expensive to go to than Disney.
Ghetto girl: Yeah, but only if you stay in a brothel!
Ghetto boy: Don’t you mean ‘hostel’?
Ghetto girl: Same thing, right? –Fordham University-Rose Hill Overheard by: Megan