Archive for 2008

Motorboatable Wednesday One-Liners

20-something woman to friends: I mean they said they’d pay me $20 for it. I would show them one for $20, why not? One boob for $20? I mean, maybe they thought it was a big deal since we were at work.

–N Train Platform, 34th St Station

Overheard by: Regina

[Two young woman crossing the street. One turns to the the other and grabs her breast.]
Grabber girl
: Honk!

[Both giggle and cross street into Victoria’s Secret.]

–34th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chockita

Female boss to employee in low-cut shirt: Your boobs are awesome. But -I’m just gonna have to do this. [Pulls up employee’s neckline.] Because…I just wanna dive in there. Head-first.

–Theater, St Marks Place

Overheard by: fhqwhgads

Professor: So you see, men only like women’s boobs because of cleavage.

–Bard High School Early College

Tourist girls: [In unison from the door] Booooobies! [Run to the big naked lady sculpture and poses to take a picture].

–Columbus Circle

Teen girl to friend: Julia! Put your titties away!

–14th & 6th

Bored, drunken guy in a silent train cart: So does anyone wanna show their titties?


–NJ Transit


Overheard by: Not drunk enough to flash

Wednesday One-Liners Eat Xanax Like Popcorn

Conductor: Use all available doors, please. Don’t be afraid of open doors.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Man looking at the BDSM exhibit: That’s not scary. I have one of those!

–Museum of Sex

Overheard by: Rachel K

Big black man to his big black friends: Yo, and I was totally afraid he’d crush my vagina.

–Starbucks, 9th & 57th

Overheard by: newsyspice

Homeless guy: I don’t know why all you people are looking at me scared! This is my game face! Halloween is over!

–G Train

Overheard by: drum

It Takes a Lot of Effort To Make Wednesday One-Liners Look This Good

Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.

–1st St & 5th Ave., Brooklyn

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Dara

Middle-aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty

–59th St Subway Station

Overheard by: nickporjr

Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]
Bum
: Feel better, pretty.


–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Middle-aged, Chelsea-fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…

–21st St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Sean

Middle-aged man: You know who was good-looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!

–104th & West End

Overheard by: communist!

Youth Is Wasted On The Wednesday One-Liner

Teen dude: You just can’t be tall and survive on a mountain!

–Halloween Adventure, 11th St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Teenage boy: Girls are so lucky… They can feel themselves up whenever they want.

–LIRR

High school girl: I said to her: "What they call you?" … And she said, "TND". And I said, "’TND’?, What’s ‘TND’"? And she said "Top Notch Diva". [Howls with laughter.] She said "Top notch". Nobody say "Top notch"… That was like, last summer… Top notch… [laughs and snickers] and then she say: "What they call you?" and I said "BB"… "Betta bills". [Howls with laughter.]

–#1 Train

Teen boy, with a sigh: Sometimes the world just isn’t as shiny as you want it to be.

–42nd St

Teenager to Mexican friend: Don’t make me call immigration on you.

–Q train, to 57th st

Overheard by: LoRna

Teen: I like the beginning part of the Dido song "Thank you", you know, the depressing part, because I can relate to it. Well, aside from the parts about missing the bus because I have a car and paying bills because my parents do that for me.

–Union Square

Overheard by: UCB

Wednesday One-Liners, Plus Puerto Rico

Douchebag college student to girl: The cop looked at my ID and said "Come on, Mr California!" and I was like: "Mr California? Come on! I’ve been here for like four months!"

–G Train

Overheard by: Guy who puts 4 months to shame

Jersey girl: I don’t do Arkansas.

–Tram to Roosevelt Island

Eight-year-old to uncle: Please don’t move to Connecticut… It’s too hard to spell!

–38th & 2nd Ave

Aging queen to record store clerk: Oivia Newton-John’s fine and all, but she’s like 55 and living in Connecticut, so she lost her edge.

–Rebel Rebel Records: Bleecker and Christopher st.

Suit on cell: Do they make you sterile? Can you have sex? When you’re on the pills, can you have sex? You should go to Utah. They have great sex in Utah. The Mormons are famous for it. I think we should have easter dinner at 4.30 at Fekkai’s.

–43rd St between Madison & 5th

Black man, pulling up his pants while being chased out of the library by two Hispanic security guards: I’m sick of dem Hispanics, man! I’m sick of ’em! I love California.

–New York Public Library, 42nd St branch

Overheard by: Jason

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Understand the Caucus System

Bleach-blonde: I would totally vote for McCain if Miley Cyrus were his running mate.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Democrat

Woman: Oh, I am definitely a single-issue voter. And right now, that issue is: Which one of the candidates can get me to a bathroom soonest?

–7th Avenue, Park Slope

Overheard by: Chuckell

Drunk hobo to a group of pigeons: And they’re all Democrats. Can’t trust them Democrats.

–Washington Square Park

Young African American woman speaking animatedly on cell: … Vice president? Why should I run for Vice President, I’m doing better than you, bitch! "Dream ticket!" That’s why I hate white liberals. They don’t know when they’re fucked up. Republicans don’t give a shit about you, but they know it.

–124th St, Harlem

Drunk wheelbo, shouting across the entire ferry terminal: Hillary, Hillary, she’s our man! If she can’t do it, no one can!

–Whitehall Ferry Terminal

Lady on cell: When you done turn Governor, you can’t play dat shit…

–Associated Supermarket, Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: PdQ

Wherever Wednesday One-Liners Go, There They Are

Man on cell: I’m at the bad Duane Reade right now… Yeah, the one on 14th street…I know that’s the good one, but it’s in danger zone.

–Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd

Overheard by: not in danger zone

Girl on cell: I’m in like the Middle East somewhere… Where are you?

–56th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: dnuggets

Hipster on cell: No, I swear to god I am not in Montreal!

–Outside Alligator Lounge, Williamsburg

Overheard by: miles

Lady yelling into pay phone, by platform: I’m in Yonkers! I’m right by the train!

–W 242 & Broadway, Bronx

Overheard by: Krisztina

Harried guy in suit on his cell: Yeah well, I’m at the Port Authority…I hear this is where the buses leave from.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: JoBell

Screaming man on pay phone: Yo -I told yo ass to meet me on 33rd and 5th. I be standin’ here and you ain’t here. [Pause.] What the fuck do you mean!? I be on da corner waiting for yo ass for the past fifty minutes. I only get an hour for lunch. Now you gone and messed up my day cuz yo ass ain’t show up. [Pauses, speaks more calmly.] I’m on da corner of 33rd and 5th. [Screaming again.] Don’t tell me yo ain’t see me! I’m standing right here!

–35th & Madison

Wednesday One-Liners Tend to Ramble On

Old man at the bar: Everyday that I wake up and see that my name isn’t in the obituaries is a good day.

–Cafe des Artistes Bar

Older woman, to friend: Then we’re going to have to do the suntan lotion thing, and that’s going to be a nightmare.

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: EthanK

Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old people on this train. I bet they’re all wishing they were our age again. Suckers!

–N Train

Overheard by: Hannah

Old lady, to man playing steel drums as she dances along to the music: Shalom! That was awesome, my man!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Courtney Messer

Elderly woman to elderly friends: So then Andy comes down in his bikini, and of course all the old women go crazy…

–56th & 1st Ave

Old lady looking into fancy cafe: Another shithole!

–74th near Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Old lady: Geraldine, do you want to come up later and play… With my wireless router!

–Clark & Herny

Overheard by: Lacy