Archive for 2008

I Didn’t Have the Heart to Correct Her When She Used It in the Garden

NYU smoker chick #1: You know, she doesn’t even do it at all.
NYU smoker chick #2: Like never? Wow, no wonder she’s so unhappy.
NYU smoker chick #1: Yeah, that’s what I said! I even bought her a vibrator, but she won’t use it!
NYU smoker chick #2: Really?
NYU smoker chick #1: Yeah, it was cute and everything. It looks like a flower. It was called the petal pleaser.

–NYU, University Place

I’m Beginning to Regret Teaching You That Word, Granny

Girl: I saw that movie when it came out, The Passion of the Christ.
Grandma: What movie?
Girl: The Passion of the Christ. You haven’t heard of it?
Grandma: Yes, but I’m not interested in watching it. Mel Gibson produced it.
Girl: Oh. So it’s a principle thing.
Grandma: No. It’s an I-don’t-like douchebaginess thing.

–JFK Airport