Archive for 2008

Kosher Cheetos Now!

[several jews are chanting and marching in times square, waving yellow flags.]
Guy #1: What are they protesting?
Guy #2: I don’t know. It’s in hebrew. –Times Square Headline by: Q6 Runners-Up:
· “At Least They’re Supporting the Troops” – Eli
· “They’re Saying, “Can You Believe the Yellow Ones Were 50% Off?”” – seven5suited
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Keep Our City Afloat (Unfortunately)

Bossy, fanny-pack-wearing tourist lady: No, no… That map is wrong. We want Broadway and it’s … That way! [Points emphatically toward 8th avenue and storms away.] –West 47th b/w Broadway & 8th Avenue Overheard by: tinyfoo Tourist, whispering to friend: There are a lot of Jewish people in here. –B&H Photo Tourist girl: Dad! Look! It’s Times Square! Walk this way. –Rector St & Broadway Overheard by: Jax Tourist lady peering in shop window: Ooooh, calendars! Ooooh, t-shirts! Oh, we’re gonna have to come back here! –48th & Broadway Overheard by: Rose Fox Tourist: Oh honey, look at this purse I bought! It’s a real coach bag and it was so cheap. I bought it on Canal street. You should see all of the Gucci, Prada, and Louis Vuitton they’ve got. I can’t believe you can get the real thing for so cheap. –Times Square Overheard by: Johanna Tourist, in disbelief: People are buying shoes at 11 o’clock at night! –33rd & Seventh Overheard by: Gasp!

Wednesday One-Liners With Leather Patches on Their Elbows

Professor, matter of factly: In next week’s film you will see a cock. And it will ejaculate. I hope that’s okay with you all. –Cantor Film Center, NYU Professor: I guess I can’t trust you guys to write papers on something scandalous. Good thing I brought a pornographic film for later. –Manhattan Campus, Pratt Institute Overheard by: Norma Desmond Contracts professor: So do you think Paris Hilton is a sucker? –Brooklyn Law School Professor to class, as he writes on board: …Moro Islamic Liberation Front, known for its acronym. [A few students get it and laugh.] –Fordham University, Rose Hill Overheard by: Krisztina one of the first to laugh Professor: On this index card I’d like you all to write your name and major, as well as your career fantasies. I say career fantasies because when you graduate I’ll see you paying off your loans working at the kwik-e-mart. –St. John’s University Overheard by: Erum Korean professor: Here’s how you calculate the intercept shit… –NYU English professor: You will find that English critical theory is the key to understanding not only literary perspectives, but also everything on YouTube. –Fordham University Overheard by: sromeo

Wednesday One-Liners Will Kick Your Ass at Beer Pong

Frat boy on cell: Next time this happens, just grab him by the penis and drag him into bed. –Grand Central Frat boy: I mean, STDs are nothing to worry about. There are more Pokemon than there are STDs! –Bryant Park Overheard by: Pikachu Enthusiastic frat boy: Sure, sure, but back in history when there were no diseases… –57th Street & 8th Overheard by: Rose Fox Frat boy on cell: If I were him, I’d tell her to get her boobs put in too, as long as she’s already under. –Mercer & 8th Incensed frat-type dude on cell: Dude! I didn’t fingerbang your sister in Tijuana! I’m not a snake like that. I fingerbanged her in Cancun, so it was on American soil… And you were in the next bed. Tell me you don’t remember any of this?! –NR Train

Wednesday Doing-Liners

Socialite-in-training: So all I had in this stupid bar in Las Vegas is a vodka tonic and a whiff of cocaine and before I know it I’m making out with a guy that I distinctly remember saying "I don’t like you" to. Yeah… That happened a lot this summer… –116th & Broadway Yuppie: I’m in fucking Penn station, I don’t know if it’s fucking snowing outside. I hope six falls up my nose tonight. –Penn Station Student on cell: I mean, I could say there are people going into finance doing lines of coke on a Monday night and here I am, doing work. –114th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam Kid, walking out of middle school: Man, I could really use some cocaine! –East Village Model to friend about styling team: Yo, before I knew they were from California, I thought they were on coke… –Crwon Heights Overheard by: Cuttie Yuppie to friend: No, seriously. He’s not a jerk at all. He’s a cokehead. You’ll love him. –Essex & Rivington

Cirrhosis of the Wednesday One-Liners

Hot chick dragging male companion: But you’ll like it this time, you were drunk yesterday… –19th & 8th Disheveled homeless woman: Fuck that shit! I’m looking for a real drunk! –42nd & 9th Overheard by: Mike Man on bike, swerving down street: Look out, get out of the way! Drunk driver coming through! –Washington Square East and Washington Place Overheard by: Out of the way! Appreciative preppy girl: Even though he’s a thug and a drunk, he’s a real intellectual. –Art Fair at the Armory Overheard by: Gina Beavers Drunk guy about to chug: This reminds me of middle school. Got to get the 40 down before second period! –Stan’s, Bronx Young woman on cell: No, I do not need to get drunk more often, stop saying that mom! –Union Square Overheard by: McCrum