Archive for 2008

Though I Am a Bit of a Dick

Giant rasta to his dick: Man, I know one thing for sure, I ain’t needing no more to drink tonight! I’m trying to enjoy my night with you, Woody. Woody? Woody? You awake, Woody? Man, I needs me one of them diamond pills already?
Onlooker #1: Is he talking to his shit?
Onlooker #2: I’m sure as hell not Woody.

–The Coffee Shop, Union Square

Overheard by: Schreibz

You Look Slightly Less Chubby in This Bridesmaid’s Dress. How’s That for Supportive?

College girl #1: Ugh, I can’t believe I have to go to my uncle’s wedding. It’s his fucking third one!
College girl #2: His third one?
College girl #1: Yes! Why can’t he just go to some deserted island and get married by himself?!
College girl #3: Well, you can’t really get married by yourself.
(pause)
College girl #1
: Will you please just be supportive? You know what I mean.


–MetroNorth, Harlem Line

Overheard by: rpk

Why Oscar the Grouch Hired Bouncers

Conductor: Yes, here’s the bathroom. And if someone’s in there (points to the garbage can in the wall) you can go right in there, I don’t care.
Guy standing near the garbage, to another passenger: Hey, hey! Not while I’m standing here.

–Train Departing from Penn Station

Headline by: Rachel

Runners-Up:
· “And the Waterfountain Is a Bidet on Really Busy Days” – bdayfox
· “I Guess It Really Is Better to Be Pissed Off Than Pissed On” – Mark
· “Let Me Lay Down and Get Comfortable First” – ddv
· “Please Stand Clear Of the Emptying Bowels” – Mr. Hedge
· “So That’s What They Mean by “Business” Class.” – Jessie Birks
· “Wait Till We Get to Newark, When I Can’t Tell the Difference” – Barry P.


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

The Threshold of Outrage Is a Lot Higher This Century

Girl: You’ll never guess what I saw in the Delancey Street station today. I was about to sit down on the bench when I noticed that someone had drawn swastikas all over it with a marker.
Guy: That’s distasteful.
Girl: Tell me about it. I’m sure people come across that and have their day completely ruined. Luckily, I was only slightly annoyed.

–G Train

Overheard by: greg*