Archive for 2008

Nobody's More Prejudiced Than the Victims Of Prejudice

Young man #1: You know, I don't get it. Why am I being ostracized?
Young man #2: Those girls.
Young man #1: So what if I hang out with those girls! I like girls as… you know… friends. It's not like I'm straight or anything.
Young man #2: But, Jerry… You fucked all of them! You're not gay.
Young man #1: Just because I like to fuck girls doesn't make me straight, Okay? Geez!
Young man #2: Really? And all this time I thought that's exactly what it meant.
Young man #1: It just means I don't like assholes.
Young man #2: You're still not going with us to the drag show. Get over it.

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Tara O'Sullivan

How the Handsome Prince Came to Be Cursed by the Witch

Old lady: Excuse me, could you help me move these bags?
Young teen (looking a bit confused and pissed off): Um. Sure.
(the teen moves the bags around the cart)
Old lady
: Thank you. Could you help me pull up my pants?

Young teen: No, I cannot help you pull up your pants. I came here for some Advil, not to help you pull up your goddamn pants.

–CVS, 92nd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Jayla M

How Piss Fights Originated.

(Asian guy cuts in front of black guy in suit and starts peeing into toilet)
Black guy in suit
: I was here first.

Asian guy: I have to go more.
Black guy in suit: Move or I am going to piss on your back, motherfucker.
(Black guy now stands side by side with Asian guy at toilet, both actually peeing into same toilet while trying to push each other away)

–W 4th Pizza Place

When I'm Still Too Hungover to Care About the Customers

Foreign guy: And listen, this coffee, it's for my friend. And he doesn't want it black, but he doesn't want too much milk in it. Can you handle that, my friend?
Cashier: We don't put milk in your coffee, sir.
Foreign guy: What? My friend needs milk!
Cashier: You put the milk in yourself, sir. It's right over there.
Foreign guy: He also wants Equal. No sugar. My friend, my friend, do you think you can handle that?
Cashier: The sugar is right over there.
Foreign guy: I need a cup for this milk and sugar because I don't know how much my friend wants.
Cashier: I have to start working the morning shift.

–Starbucks, 40th & Lexington

Overheard by: clp