Archive for 2008

How the Handsome Prince Came to Be Cursed by the Witch

Old lady: Excuse me, could you help me move these bags?
Young teen (looking a bit confused and pissed off): Um. Sure.
(the teen moves the bags around the cart)
Old lady
: Thank you. Could you help me pull up my pants?

Young teen: No, I cannot help you pull up your pants. I came here for some Advil, not to help you pull up your goddamn pants.

–CVS, 92nd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Jayla M

How Piss Fights Originated.

(Asian guy cuts in front of black guy in suit and starts peeing into toilet)
Black guy in suit
: I was here first.

Asian guy: I have to go more.
Black guy in suit: Move or I am going to piss on your back, motherfucker.
(Black guy now stands side by side with Asian guy at toilet, both actually peeing into same toilet while trying to push each other away)

–W 4th Pizza Place

When I'm Still Too Hungover to Care About the Customers

Foreign guy: And listen, this coffee, it's for my friend. And he doesn't want it black, but he doesn't want too much milk in it. Can you handle that, my friend?
Cashier: We don't put milk in your coffee, sir.
Foreign guy: What? My friend needs milk!
Cashier: You put the milk in yourself, sir. It's right over there.
Foreign guy: He also wants Equal. No sugar. My friend, my friend, do you think you can handle that?
Cashier: The sugar is right over there.
Foreign guy: I need a cup for this milk and sugar because I don't know how much my friend wants.
Cashier: I have to start working the morning shift.

–Starbucks, 40th & Lexington

Overheard by: clp

If Only There Were a Hallmark Card…

Woman #1: So how did Becky’s insemination go?
Woman #2: Oh, didn’t you hear? She’s pregnant.
Woman #1: Oh, that’s great!

–F Train

Overheard by: katherine

Headline by: SAtCW

· “I Knew If That Man Could Do It She Could Too!” – J
· “Labrador or Lesbian? You Make the Call” – joaquin carvel
· “Now She Can Have the Abortion She Always Wanted” – JohnAustin
· “Remember When It Used to Be Called “The Prom”” – Powder Blue Tuxedo
· “She Was So Drunk, But We Thought It’d Be Funnier Than a Tattoo” – Thug Auditor
· “The Best Part? Her Husband Thinks It Was Immaculate!” – Jim

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wait!….Can I Have Your Broken Shoe?

Crazy bag lady in Burger King crown: Oh look, you broke your shoe, and you're pregnant.
Hugely pregnant woman: Yes.
Crazy bag lady in Burger King crown: Well bitch, just go to the ATM, get $20, and get a new pair of shoes. White folks got all the money.
Hugely pregnant woman: (silence)
Crazy bag lady in Burger King crown: You know what? God broke your shoe. He broke it cause you hate black people.
Hugely pregnant woman: Umm, this is my stop.

–2 Train

Overheard by: courtney