Archive for 2008

Least of All My Roommate's Audible Masturbation

Chick: So I e-mailed my building manager to complain about my jerk roommate, and she wrote back that the solution to all my problems is to chant. And she sent me the chant! Listen to this: “Nam yo ho ren ge cho.” And if I do this every day, I'll be happier, wiser, and in rhythm.
Dude: There are two possibilities here. Either she's enough of a flake to believe this, or she thinks you're enough of a flake to believe it.
Chick: None of this is good!

–151st & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

I Think We've Stumbled Upon the Idea for a Sci-Fi Flick

Girl #1: What do you call a person who delivers newspapers?
Girl #2: A “delivery person.”
Girl #1: Fine, be the non-conformist.
Girl #2: What would the conformist say?
Girl #1: “Paperboy,” and then get confused because what if it's an old woman?
Girl #2: Oh right, so, “paper person.” But then it sounds like those paper people chains I used to make as a kid, except mine were always awful and deformed…because you make one little mistake and then they're all fucked up. Suddenly I've got a chain of twenty-one legged freaks and can't sleep at night.
Girl #1: “Twenty one-legged freaks.” Not “twenty-one legged freaks.”
Girl #2: Though both terrifying.
Girl #1: The heck you talking about?

–Union Square

Could I Use Your Vagina As a Stunt Gorge?

(little boy has a Hot Wheels car and he's rolling it all over everything around him)
Boy
: Mom, can I roll it on your head?

Mom: No, you'll mess up my hair.
Boy: Your arms?
Mom: Yeah, sure.
Boy: Your chest?
Mom: No, that's not appropriate.
Boy: Okay…your nipples?
Mom: That's definitely not appropriate.
Boy (disappointed): Aaww…

–6 Train

Overheard by: 1-800-mattres