Archive for 2008

If by “Discount Shopping” You Mean “Anonymous Barebacking”

Young girl with Texan accent #1: What’s Soho?
Young girl with Texan accent #2: Oh, that’s like where they have all the discount shopping places.

–R train

Headline by: dan

Runners-Up:
· “Bush Twins…….Activate!” – stephie

· “In Texas, We Call It Mexico…” – Michael Haigh
· “There’s a Wal-Mart in SoHo?” – Chuckles
· “They Were Disappointed with DUMBO, Too.” – nick


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners, by Calvin Klein

Girl yelling to friend across street: Hey, guess what? I smelled it! I smelled it from here!

–Fordham University

Blonde on cell: So, I just took my hair down, and all I smelled was Dove and crack.

–JFK

Overheard by: spanky

Man to no one: It smells like my ex-wife in here!

–Highline Ballroom

Hootchie on cell: No joke — it smelled ripe down there. I be all, ‘Jimmy… D-A-M-N! I’m too busy gagging from the smell to gag on your bits.’

–W Broadway

Girl crying on cell to boyfriend: How could you fuck her?! Her pussy stinks!

–Union Square

Overheard by: SplendidConfusion

Thug on cell: Yo, I’m sure she smells better now, bro!

–Harlem Meer, Central Park

Overheard by: mj

Wednesday One-Liners Are Here to Fix the Cable

Guy: So, I saw this video online of a chick who tied her beef curtains in a knot…

–Astor Pl

Chick: Maybe I should scrap my dissertation and just write erotica?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Chick: My favorite porn line, and possibly my favorite movie line ever, is, ‘Suck it, my queen. Suck it.’

–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Intern to another: They do too make gay pornography!

–42nd & Madison

Overheard by: Nicolas Agrait

Cube neighbor on phone with friend: So, the first thing she needs to do is throw it out — get rid of all the porn. I mean, she has closets and closets full of it!

–Midtown

20-something woman on cell: I may be too analytical for erotica.

–Outside Century 21

Overheard by: McFreaky

Wednesday One-Liners Read Overheard in the Office

Conductor: Are you going to work? Are you going somewhere? Let us know by getting out of train doors.

–R train, Lexington Ave stop

Bartender swinging nipple tassels: Can you believe they wouldn’t let me do this at my old job?!

–Bar, Broadway, between 76th & 77th

Overheard by: Lezbotron

IT guy: I can break whatever I want, because I fix it!

–Office, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: beans

I-banker to two others: He got the bonus for people that don’t get bonuses.

–Metro-North

Comedy club flyer guy: I hate my job, and it’s all your fault!

–Times Square

30-something hippie at show: 2008 is the year that I get a job.

–New Year’s Eve concert

Overheard by: Smash

Wednesday One-Liners Get Their Learn On

Teen to another: Yo, if I pass in June, I’ll only be in high school five years! [Pounds fists with pal.]

–F train

Chick: I used to be a straight-A student until I realized I was just learning how to get A’s.

–Diner, Chelsea

Frat boy: There are still wedgies in Quaker school.

–19th & 5th

Overheard by: Jeff McCrum

Lunching chick: I mean, I only feel sort of responsible for their illiteracy. I am their teacher…

–Dishes Restaurant, 45th St

Overheard by: Literate

Teen: No lie, my nigga — I wrote a perfect essay! I wrote a perfect essay, nigga!

–Marte Valle Prep School, Stanton & Norfolk

Teacher giving tour: Back then it was very difficult to graduate from high school, and it still is, judging from the amount of people who drop out. Although a tree stump could graduate from Saint Ann’s… Okay, no one put that in the school newspaper quotes… Please…

–Chinatown

Just Wait ‘Til You Have Wednesday One-Liners of Your Own

Thug dad to toddler after bumping stroller down stairs: I call that there ride ‘The Earthquake.’ You like that? … Well, see, you’re too young to appreciate the magnitude of what just happened.

–A train

Overheard by: Stephie

Ghetto mom to seven-year-old kid: You don’t know how to hustle! You ain’t no hustler, she ain’t no hustler… No hustlin’.

–137th & Broadway

Overheard by: should she be saying that to a 7 year old?

Mom to eight-year-old daughter: This is not about apostrophes! This is about verbal agreement!

–F train at Broadway-Lafayette

Mom to son climbing on ferry railing: You wanna jump? I’ll throw you. Then I ain’t gotta buy you no Power Ranger.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: autumn

Mother to three-year-old trailing behind: Stay close, baby, you know how ferry men like to take little boys.

–Whitehall Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: Ryn

Mom: Boy, don’t you listen? I swear, I will tear your ass up on this bus in front of everyone if you don’t behave. [Kid ignores her, and mom pulls out cell.] Fine, I’ll call Santa on yo’ misbehavin’ ass.

–BX 21 bus

Woman holding child’s hand: You’re my daughter, right? Okay, good.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Nervous

Wednesday One-Liners Join the AARP

Old guy with gray hair: I used to be an old guy with gray hair!

–Mott & Canal St

Overheard by: Will

80-year-old man: What is rough sex? Do I put her against the wall? I don’t know.

–10th & 3rd

Overheard by: Liz

Old lady struggling to get layers of scarves and coats off: I’m not used to having to put clothes on.

–New York Historical Society

Old lady on cell: Old people like sex! I’m 85, and I still like me some sex!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: imerikaf

75-year-old lady to hobo on bench: Oh, wow, you look so cozy!

–Central Park

Old man with cane to 20-ish girl who just nabbed the cab he hailed: Happy holidays, you dumb bitch!

–62nd & 2nd

Old white guy: Fo’ shizzle!

–Outside Nederlander Theatre