Pretend to Enjoy It and You Can Have the Whole Cup

Boyfriend: Mmmm… Coffee…
Preggers girlfriend: What?! You got coffee? Give me a sip…
Boyfriend: No, baby… No caffeine for you…
Preggers girlfriend, trying to wrestle cup away: Just a sip? Pleeease?!
Boyfriend: No! Bad for the baby…
Preggers girlfriend: I’ll suck your dick for a sip! [Boyfriend immediately hands the cup over.]

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mike

One-Liners Sit Around on Their Wednesdays

Middle-aged man to two year old boy: You can't scratch your butt in the street, man. Yeah, I know you've got an itchy, but the chicks just don't dig that!

–Prospect Park West, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Marina

Mom to son: Extend your ass over here!

–Park Slope South, Brooklyn

Old man to younger date: She had a sweet ass and a nice rack, but somehow it didn't work out…

–55 Bar

Overheard by: SB

Young, macho Hispanic worker to another: My tushie is cold.

–W186 & Bennett Ave


Wednesday One-Liners and the Utterly Unsatisfying Conclusion

Guy, in chinese: Do you think I'm Harry Potter?

–Vivi Bubble Tea Bar

Girl on cell outside art bar: And I was like "Dumbledore, try some jeans."

–8th Ave & Horatio St

Overheard by: Jean Ann

Cute girl graduating to friend: I hate gowns… How does Harry Potter stand it?

–Columbia University Business School Graduation

Overheard by: Jen

Guy, after watching new Harry Potter movie: Man… that's it? That was a lap dance!

–42nd Street Movie Theater

Crazy woman wrapped in shawls: I'd kidnap and fuck Harry Potter for an eight ball of coke. (to onlooker) Why aren't you at work?

–Brooklyn Theater

Overheard by: JesseJack (I've got a Job)