…To Be Blunt

Tall man: Why?
Short woman: Because I want to.
Tall man: Why?
Short woman: Because I want to!
Tall man: Why?
Short woman: Because I want to, and I want a cigarette too!

–5th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Don Willmott


Let’s Catch a Flick, Wednesday One-liners

Man: I charge you with this sacred drink, and with this straw: I call this straw Excalibur, straw of destiny. –Sony Lincoln Square, 68th Street Overheard by: timothy wolfe Bald man: See, the Joker was the first real villain Batman had to face… –Le Pescadou, King Street Overheard by: emdashes Guy: Uh-uh. This nigga would be outta town. I see lightnin’ goin off and holes in the ground. No way! I will grab my purse, a bottle of water, my sister, and my gun and get the fuck outta Dodge. Peace, aliens! –Sony Lincoln Square, 68th Street Guy: There’s really no way to tell someone that’s the seat’s taken without sounding like a complete douchebag. –Loews Kips Bay, 2nd Avenue Overheard by: Jonathan Weiss

“Nobody Puts Baby in the Wednesday One-Liner!”

Hoochie to another: If Jenel's gonna be fucking him she better be helping pay for my baby.

–7th Ave

Woman to man: I want you to stop calling me "babe," baby…

–Hancock & Malcolm X Boulevard

Overheard by: Sara Jane

Black guy on cell phone: What? You mean that girl from the other night? No no no! It wasn't all baby got back! It was all baby got flat!

–Staten Island

30-something woman on cell: He has babies with two different women! He must've had sex with them, at the same time! Their birthdays are at the same time; same year, three days apart. You can pull babies out his ass!

–Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn

Overheard by: K.C.

30-something woman to husband: Okay, let's go. I lost a baby, and I need money.

–Brooklyn Flea, Fort Greene


What Is It About Alt-world Neil Patrick Harris?

40-something woman #1: Look at his little face! Look at his little pink face!
40-something woman #2: Oh. My. God.
40-something woman #1: Look at his little pink face!
40-something woman #2: Isn't he cute?! Look at him!
40-something woman #1: So cute.
40-something woman #2: On my god! I can't believe how cute he is.
40-something woman #1: He is so cute! His little pink face!
40-something woman #2: So cute.
(pause)
40-something woman #1
: Isn't he cute?!?!

40-something woman #2: Oh. My. God. So. Fucking. Cute.
40-something woman #1: I love him! He's so cute!
40-something woman #2: So cute.
40-something woman #1: I just can't stand it!

–14D Bus