Stewardess: Please keep all your bags underneath the seat in front of you, cause I’m the bag Nazi and I’ll come back and yell at you! –Plane, LaGuardia
Yuppie: …and I spent Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday teaching them the Golden Rule. –Into cell phone, Lexington & 53rd
A drunk guy picks up an abandoned bouquet of roses. Lush: 74. 1980. 84. Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan. George Bush. Bill Clinton. These roses should go to a sweetheart. I have no sweetheart. Not now. But they’ll get to a sweetheart. They’ve been neglected. Put them in some water, they’ll come back to life. New York is something else, right? –D Train
Teen girl: Do you wanna get cookies?
Teen guy: Nah. Look, it says “serves four”. Those must be some bigass motherfucking cookies. –KFC, 14th St.
Screaming Black woman: Don’t you raise a knife to me! Don’t threaten me! That is not professional service! Don’t you know how to serve customers? Never raise a knife to a customer! You’re just lucky that there isn’t a black man in here. –To the man behind the counter in Dunkin Donuts, downtown Brooklyn
Fashionista guy: Did you hear about Ange?
Fashionista girl: No, what?
Fashionista guy: She’s pregnant!
Fashionista girl: Oh my god! The whole world is pregnant!
Fashionista guy: Seriously. –Midtown elevator
Girl #1: I hate how my body is cold but my face is freezing off.
Guy: You could wear a ski mask.
Girl #1: But then you look like a douche.
Girl #2: Yeah, like that guy [across the street].
Girl #1: He’s not wearing a ski mask. He’s black. –26th & 7th Overheard by: Ricki Lagotte
Lady #1: I hate it when people put nail polish on their babies.
Lady #2: Really? I think it looks cute. –6 train
Schlub: …yeah, it’s the nicest place–
Loudmouth: Yeah, but it’s fuckin’ in New Jersey!
Schlub: Yeah…Jersey…fuckin’ Jersey. –Murray Hill deli Overheard by: Neelam S.
Panhandler: Spare some change? Help a brother out.
Panhandlee: Yeah. Go ask your brother. –Union Square station