But Not Self-Consciously So

Girl: I still don’t understand the definition of emo.
Boy: It’s more emotional than other music.
Girl: Oh, please, everything is emotional. My face? Emotional. –27th & 3rd Overheard by: A. Pincus


Reader Poll: How Long before They Become a Couple?

Guy #1: … And ‘K’ on a triple-letter score makes 45.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: What’s that? ‘Upchuck’? That’s not a word!
Guy #1: I’m afraid it is, dear.
Chick #2: Yup.
Guy #1: Go to dictionary dot com — look it up.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: And what does this word mean?
Guy #2: Well, upchuck is what you would do if you saw smegma.
Guy #1: Last time she saw smegma I got 42 points!
Chick #2, on computer: I just looked up ‘upchuck.’ It means ‘vomit.’
Guy #2: Smegma, upchuck… Mike, I’m noticing a pattern in your choice of words.
Guy #1: I just try to think of words that will get Tina really upset.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: Well, thank you very much. Are you proud that you’re a disgusting pig?
Guy #1: I would say I’m at peace with myself. —Another Scrabble party, 34th & 2nd Overheard by: Big Larry


Makes Exactly As Much Sense As Fantasy Football

NYU guy: I was totally into Obama until we met Sarah Palin and now she has made me all Republican for her milfiness.
Friend: You know you don't get to fuck her just because you vote for her?
NYU guy: But I can only hope for my brothers in DC. You know like some Bill Clinton intern shit up in the White House, but this time with a hot mother instead of cigars and shit. –L Train Overheard by: Nikki


Tragedy Has Many Meanings

Teen girl: Wow, that’s so sad…
Woman: Yeah, they have no electricity, no water to drink, no food to eat, nothing.
Teen girl: Well, can’t they just boil the water on the ground and drink it? They say the city is flooded with like six feet of water.
Woman: No, honey, that water is way too contaminated to be boiled, and besides that, they don’t have electricity.
Teen girl: Oh that’s so sad. Where is that? –LaGuardia Overheard by: Holly Percey Woman: So, what is it you like about New Orleans? –Becco, W. 46th Street Chick: Apparently there will be another September 11th this month. –65th & Lexington Girl: Looks like you got a tan this weekend.
Guy: Yeah, I was out on my friend’s boat but we ran out of gas in the harbor so we were out on the water for a while.
Girl: You know, that was one thing I kept thinking about all weekend, how inflated the price of marine diesel fuel must be.
Guy: It wasn’t my boat so I really don’t know. They get off the elevator. Human being: You know, the one thing I kept thinking about all weekend was all the fucking dead people. –Elevator, Madison & 49th Overheard by: Captain Obvious


She Must Live in Williamsburg

Hobo: I need some money to buy food. Please help a brother out with any change you have.
Little girl: Hey mister, you were just in here.
Hobo: No, I wasn’t. All homeless people don’t look the same, you know!
Little girl: But you all dress the same. –E train Overheard by: Nina


Illegal Chinese Fireworks

A two year old Chinese girl decided to squat on a manhole cover. Chinese Mom: What are you doing?! That will warm up your butt and it will burst into flames! –66th & Columbus Overheard by: Todd Seavey


No Need to Get Frothy.

Teen, looking at rack of sweater vests: Hey, look–I could turn into Rick Santorum!
Mother: Yeah, but then I'd have to disown you. –Century 21 Overheard by: Benny


Sorry Babe, I'm Keeping the “X” in “Xmas”

Man whore on cell: So for Christmas, I'm going to that strip club I met Susan at…just to do something special, ya know.
Religious woman: Because nothing says “I love my savior” like topless sluts and lap dances. –Central Park Overheard by: Jasper