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August 2008 Archives
Did You Even Read the Informational Pamphlets I Put on Your Pillows?
Pampered Tribeca child #1: Daddy! Please!
Pampered Tribeca child #2: Daddy! Please can we have Mediterranean eggplant for dinner??
Nebbishy Tribeca dad: You know I can't eat that! It's a carb!
--7th Ave
Overheard by: Briguy
Should You Really Use the Nuclear Option in a No-Cutsies Situation?
Old lady in line at the bank #1: Excuse me, I'm not cutting you, I just need to speak with the teller.
Old lady in line at the bank #2: Well, excuse me, but you are cutting me.
Old lady in line at the bank #1: No, I'm not. The teller told me to come back when I was finished with this form. I'm just doing what I was told to.
Old lady in line at the bank #2: You're just doing what you were told to? That's what the Nazis said!
--87th & Madison
Overheard by: Carmela Machiato
The Six Train's Your Escape Pod to Smallville
Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: No, you wanna be a police officer.
Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Superman's not real.
Four-year-old: They say I can be whateva I want, I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Oh, I'm sorry lil' man. You Superman.
--6 Train
Overheard by: Chris K
Just a Little Something for You to Think About While I Go in This Corner and Puke
Large drunk black guy to black girl sitting down: Girl, you're so pretty, why are you frowning?
Black girl sitting down: Do me a favor, get up out my face.
(two large Hispanic men get up to protect her)
Large drunk black guy: Okay, I'm done...but I love you.
--2 Train
Overheard by: jj is sober at 10am
No Further Questions; Your Witness
Chick about cute guy standing: So, his penis... Big, small, doody ball?
Queer: Umm... It's good...slightly larger than doody ball.
Chick: Oh...good.
--Q Train
Overheard by: ShayaKNYC
...Against Your Chemically-Induced Emotions
20-something Long Island girl: Oh god! This breakup has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I honestly don't even care that he dumped me.
Friend: Yeah, totally.
20-something Long Island girl: Seriously, he needs to realize if it wasn't for that sweater he was wearing, and the fact that I was on ecstasy that night, we would have never dated for this long.
Friend: Yeah! It was J.Crew... And they were double stacked...you were powerless.
--Lokal Bar, Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Aaron
Girls Just Can't Resist Forbidden Fruit
Boy: I'm gay.
Girl: (laughs)
Boy: But what if I was really?
Girl: Then I'd cop a feel.
--All Points West Festival
Overheard by: then I'm gay too
So, Wanna Fuck?
Good looking suit to lunch date: How about this--let's say that you and I are equally attractive. Now let's say that on any given day we each see 1,000 people of the opposite sex (a lot more, obviously, but that's a good number). You, as a woman, could sleep with approximately 850 of them--that 1,000 is discounted by the 100 who are gay (10%, as they say), and the 50 who are faithful to their wives/girlfriends. Now for me--I see 1,000 women, but 850 is way too high a number for me--maybe, if I'm lucky, I could find a few skanks in the group willing to bang a guy they don't know. Aside from that, I'm looking at 2-3 dates, dinners, phone calls, all that shit. That's why it's easier for girls.
Date: Wow.
Good looking suit: It's simple math.
Date: You would only allow 50 faithfuls? Sheesh.
Good looking suit: Men are scum.
--Bryant Park
Overheard by: wedding rings are for sissies
I Sell Myself Magic Beans Every Morning
Mr. Smith* (lifting student's backpack) That's overloaded. You need to get a boyfriend to carry that for you.
Student: I don't need a boyfriend.
Mr. Smith: Then find some sucker to carry it for you.
Student: I'm my own sucker!
--Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: The Happy Hippie
Or a Piece of Paper with the Word "Money" on It
Dude: Are you guys going to get, like, totally drunk tonight and make out?
Sister #1: I'd do it for a lot of money.
Sister #2: A lot of money.
Sister #1: I'd do it for a little money.
--Uptown 1 Train
Technically, It's Not a "Club" So Much As P.S. 182
Construction worker #1: We gotta go to this club I heard about. All the girls are on ecstasy.
Construction worker #2: Perfect!
--42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: las
At Least She Always Has a Place to Keep Her Purse
College guy #1: Wanna see the best dildo ever?
(shows a digital camera screen to his friend)
College guy #2: Awesome, did you sit on it?
College guy #1: No, but Alissa did, her pussy is so wide.
College guy #2: So true.
--F Line
You Really Want to Go There, Little Miss No-Boobs?
Seven-year-old girl to her mom: I have more jewelry than you! I have more jewelry than you!
Mother: Like many things in life, this is not a competition.
Girl: Of course it's a competition!
--West Broadway & Broome Street, SoHo
Overheard by: And I thought people would be quoting me...
I Can't See the Mediterranean Diet Being Good for My Heart
Chick 1: So he was hot but you didn't call him back because he was descended from royalty and his family was assassinated?
Chick 2: More or less. And he asked me to decorate his apartment 13 minutes after I met him.
Chick 1: But he was half Greek.
Chick 2: And half Syrian.
Chick 1: Oh.
--L Train
You Should Take That As a Sign to Fuck Me
Fashionista queer: Excuse me, could I bum a cigarette?
Rocker queer: Sorry, I don't smoke. But you should take that as a sign to quit! It's bad for you!
Fashionista queer: Who cares, I'm skinny!
--Cafeteria, 17th & 7th
Overheard by: Nellee
Or I'll Remind Everyone That Your Parents Hired an Accordion Player for Your Bat Mitzvah
Teen girl #1: I'm done with you. I hate you. I hope DJ Spinbad performs at the sweet 16 you're going to tomorrow!
Teen girl #2: Ohh you take that back. Take it back!
--5th Ave
Ronald McDonald: I Am the Way and the Truth and the Sauce
Customer: Can I have five barbecue sauces?
Cashier: No. This is not Burger King. You cannot have it your way.
--McDonald's
Overheard by: megan loves ian
We'll Always Have Paris
Teen girl #1: So yeah, like...Paris Hilton totally got kicked out of our school for doing coke too!
Teen girl #2: Paris Hilton went to our school?!
Teen girl #1: Bitch, this isn't about Paris... All I can say is: How cool is it that I got kicked out of the same school as Paris Hilton did, for the same reason?
Teen girl #2: Wait, you got kicked out?
Teen girl #1: Why the fuck do you think I'm not in class anymore?
Teen girl #2: Everyone thought you were pregnant again.
--Park Bench, 89 & CPW
It'd Be Hard to Ketchup
(large Russian woman walks by and says hi)
Old Jewish guy #1: Waddya think of her? She's Russian, right?
Old Jewish guy #2: Yeah, yeah, you can tell. I don't go for that, though. She's a big broad, real chunky. She's like a big tomato.
--Sheep's Meadow, Central Park
Overheard by: makes me hungry...
Either Way, She's My Heroine
Chick: Her Facebook picture is her double-fisting two beer bottles.
Queer: Oh, please. You know they were originally two cocks and she Photoshopped them out.
--House party, 172 & Broadway
Overheard by: Well-dressed Indian boy
Legally, They Can't Deprive Me of My Liberty
Girl: She wants me to make a distribution e-mail for four people!
Gay: You better do it.
Girl: Or what? They'll take away my blow-up Statue of Liberty desk statue?
--6 Train
Robot: Danger, Will Robinson!
Man: I love you...you know.
Woman: Well then, you'll buy me something expensive.
--Outside Paul Smith Shop
Overheard by: Liam Shove
Your Real Parents Are Never Coming for You, Kid
(family stands facing the empire state building)
Tourist son: Mom, which one is the Empire State Building?
Tourist mom: I think it's the one with the circley top. (points to the Chrysler Building)
Tourist dad: No, honey, it's the one way out there, on the water.
Tourist son #2: That's the Statue of Liberty. (to no one in paritcular) I can't believe I'm part of this fucking family.
--Top of the Rock
Overheard by: Melissa
Just Keep Walking 'til Your Feet Get Wet
Woman: How do we know where it is?
Man: That guy said it's at the end of the street.
Woman: Yeah, well, where does the street end?
--Outside of St James Theatre
Overheard by: howdumbareyou
No Tip for You, My Good Man
Man at McDonald's drive-Thru: I'll have a #1 with a Diet Coke please.
Employee: Anything else?
Man: Nope, that's it. And this is all to go.
Employee: Ya think?
--McDonald's, Bayside
What Mr. Clean Commercials Are Like in Europe
Girl to boy squeezing her boobs: Oh, you are cruising for a bruising.
Boy: Haha, like the one I gave you on the kitchen table this morning?
Girl: (laughs)
Boy (suddenly serious): Man, I hope nobody ate off of that.
--Pier 11
Overheard by: mentally reviewing everyplace I ate
Accept Its Insanity or Face Its Wrath
Young boy: Daddy! We're going outside soon, yay!
Father: No we're not. We're going over the g line, we'll have to go to Hoyt Street underground, then switch to the f. Then we'll go outside.
Young boy: Why, daddy?
Father: Because it's the MTA.
--F Train
Overheard by: marc V
Then What's the War on Polyester?
Tattooed man holding copy of Peaceful Warrior: What about this? I think I'd like this.
Girlfriend: Why?
Tattooed man: It's about a big war or something.
Girlfriend (reading back of DVD): No, no. It's about a warrior.
Tattooed man: Yeah, so there has to be a war if there's a warrior.
Girlfriend: I don't think it's about a real war, it says something here about gymnastics.
Tattooed man: Gymnastics? That's like a faggot war or something.
--Hollywood Video, Staten Island
The Day New York Stood Still
Atlantic Avenue announcement: The 2, 3, 4, 5, b and q trains are not running into Manhattan. As an alternative, take the n, d, or r trains.
Pacific Street announcement: The n, d and r trains are not running into Manhattan. As an alternative, take the 2, 3, 4, 5, b or q trains.
--Atlantic/Pacific Subway Station
Overheard by: Jen Diff
I Know I'll Never Need Anything Else As Long As I Live
Little girl: Please?
Father: I'm not paying attention to you.
Little girl: Pleeeeeeease? Do you want me to cry? I'll cry. Do you want me to cry, daddy? (holds up stuffed owl) Just get this for me and I'll be happy, please?
--Gift Shop, Museum of Natural History
On the Internet I Do
Girlfriend: My shoes are killing me.
Boyfriend: If you don't stop I'll have to punch you in the cunt.
Girlfriend: Would you even know where to find it?
--East Village
Overheard by: C
Are You Guys Accepting New Members?
Hobo ringing bells: La laaaa lalala mmmmmmdooodaaaa.
Loud girl: Oh my god, a Hare Krishna!
--14th & Broadway
You Mean France-- She's from France!
Girl #1: How much is a train ride?
Girl #2 (in disbelief): Two dollars.
Girl #1: Well, I don't know these things. I'm from Jersey.
Girl #2: Shhhhhhhhhhhh!
--A Train
Overheard by: It's okay, we knew you were Jersey
A Guy Who Knows His Way Around a Guitar?
Ordinary girl: Hey, Rockefeller Center is this way.
Fabulous ghetto girl: What the hell is a Rockefeller?
--Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: John-John
My Plan for World Domination Is Working!
Bum making weird hooting noise: Hoooooooooo! Hooooooooo!
Girl #1: What the hell? Is that a man?
Girl #2 (sarcastically): Hahaha, no, it's a fucking Mack truck.
Bum: Hahaha you stupid bitch. Stuuuupid bitches. You thought I was a truck! You thought I was a truck! Hahaha! Stuuuuuuupid stuuuuuuuuupid!
--33rd & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Totally not a truck
Jeez, Even They Can't Understand Each Other
Conductor on PA: (unintelligible)
Driver on PA: Uh, could you say that again, partner? I didn't get that.
Conductor: I *said* (unintelligible)!
Driver: Never mind.
--D Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
The NYC Thought Police Arrested Her on an Anonymous Tip
Woman: Yeah, we just returned from a trip to Pennsylvania, and we were happily surprised to find that the people were normal.
Man: Normal like New Yorkers ?
Woman: Yeah, they didn't seem like they were from Harrisburg at all.
--Forest Ave & Bleecker St, Queens
An Hour Earlier, It Was Prime Walk-of-Shame Time
Man #1: I always look for hot babes on the way to work, but never see much.
Man #2: That's because the hot ones work in fashion. Only ugly girls have to be at work this early.
--Columbus Circle
I've Been Highlighting My Hair for Years in Preparation
Blond: She says UCLA Santa Cruz is, like, 7 hours from LA.
Brunette: Weird. Well, I want to apply to the UCLA that's in LA.
Blond: Oh my god, I've been telling my dad since I was like four that I wanted to go UCLA. You know, the one in LA.
Brunette: We should totally both go there together!
--Penn Station
Overheard by: really?
Wasn't He Marlon Brando's Personal Cook?
Man: Who was that chef who said "Butter, butter, bring me more butter."?
Woman: Umm, I think you just made that up.
Man: No, he said it. And he meant it, and he was right! (butters roll)
--Brazil Grill, 8th Ave & 48th
Why England Attacked New England
Girl #1: I wonder where Austria is.
Girl #2: It must be by Australia, because they sound the same.
--Bus
Overheard by: David
You Guys Are Becoming Chinks in My Armor
Construction worker #1: This place is expensive.
Construction worker #2: Ca-ching.
Korean store owner: I'm not fucking Chinese.
Construction worker #2: It's the cash register sound.
Korean store owner: I don't care, I'm not fucking Chinese, get out of my store.
--Canal & West Broadway
Overheard by: also not chinese
Technically, Them Stars Be "Lion"
Woman: The world revolves around me!
Man: Who says?
Woman: Astrology. I'm a Leo. The stars say the world revolved around me.
Man: Them stars be lyin'.
--Uptown 2 Train
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Sweet or Salty?
Queer #1: I sucked you off and swallowed your cum!
Queer #2: Shh, not now, someone will hear.
Queer #1: No! No one is listening!
Girl next to them: Actually, I'm listening.
--3 Train
Overheard by: Carly
Thus Concludes Our Report on Japanese Cuisine
Cuisine expert #1: That sake shit is clear.
Cuisine expert #2: Word.
--151 & Amsterdam
Lucy and Linus Enter the 21st Century
Eight-year-old girl to little brother on bike: Hey, asshole!
Little brother: What? Are you talking to me?
Eight-year-old girl: Yeah, you're annoying me. You're pissin' me off!
--Central Park
Headline by: KateNonymous
Runners-Up:
· "And on That Day, Young Travis Bickle's Life Took a Turn" - jlp
· "From the Rarely Seen First Episode Of the Donnie and Marie Show." - Chris L
· "New Yorkers-in-Training" - Oren K
· "Sesame Street Has REALLY Changed" - Bob
· "When Cindy Mistook Her Dad's Protein Shake for a Milkshake..." - fox
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
And You Habitually Overeat
Girl walking down the street: Why do I feel so full?
Little kid: Cause you're drunk!
--Bleecker St, West Village
Overheard by: Diva
I'll Give You Five Back If You Let Me Graze a Nip
Aspiring rapper: Hey guys, 'sup? Would you care to help a struggling rapper by buying my CD for $20?
Guy: Uh... I don't really want your album for $20.
Aspiring rapper: Could you hug me for $10 then?
--Times Square
Exactly How the Native Americans Felt
Nine-year-old to friend: Yo, how many white people we got here?
Friend: One, two, too many.
--Fort Greene Park
Mild-Mannered Wednesday by Day. One-Liner by Night.
Chick on cell: Do you prefer the superhero theme to us in only aprons, holding penis cakes?
--Garden of Eden Supermarket, 107th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
White guy to white girl: Wait, you'd be proud to be supermanned by me?
--D Train
(at the superhero fashion exhibit, in front of Catwoman's display)
Man to little kid: Oh, and look! She has a whip. I wonder what that's for...
--Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: EK
Black guy on cell: Nigga, you can't be James Bond and Batman, you pick which one you are.
--Smith & 9th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ewan Walsh
Girl on cell: Am I gonna need to drug you, put you in a superhero costume, and snap photos?
--Halloween Adventure Store
Overheard by: McF
Batman to four-year-old who jumped out from behind a table: Evan, don't sneak up on me. Superheroes are wound very tight.
--Birthday party, Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: PG
Wednesday One-Liners in Clear Heels
Woman on cell: I may or may not have just accidentally become a sex worker.
--40th & 9th
Overheard by: McFreaky
Attractive gay man to boyfriend: If I had a better body, I would be a prostitute.
--W 4th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: rpk
Girl to friends: Just slap me! Slap me like a Thai hooker, for god's sake.
--115th & Broadway
Overheard by: columbia undergrad
Five-year-old boy: Mom, what's a gigolo?
--6 Train
Overheard by: Justine
Woman yelling into a cell: For the love of god, I'm sleeping with men for crack. Do you really think that would mess with my list of priorities?
--2nd Ave & Houston
Overheard by: Wonders what the suggestion was
20-something woman on cell: Wait--am I in the sex industry?
--NJ Transit
Overheard by: Poogins
America Runs on Wednesday One-Liners
Thug: I love you because when I'm with you I feel like I'm Barack Obama and you're Hillary Clinton.
--N Train
All-black-wearing chick with cigarette: Do you ever find yourself thinking really conservative thoughts by accident?
--Outside International Affairs Building, Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Subway crazy: Rip Torn for president! Denny McLain for Secretary of State!
--Uptown 6 Train
Girl with baby in her arms: You know, he taped an Obama poster on his door and I was like, "Oh no, you didn't put that up." 'cause he don't know nothing about politics. Hell, he a felon...he can't even vote.
--East Village Urban Outfitters
Five-year-old boy pointing at a sidewalk mural of Hillary and Obama: Mom, look, Hillary! (long pause) And some guy.
--106th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kip
Grumpy old man: Things have been going downhill since the Wilson administration.
--70th & Columbus
Overheard by: Devoted Puppy
What's a Nice Wednesday One-Liner Like You Doing in a Place Like This?
Guy to girl with afro crossing the street: Hey gorgeous! Gorgeous! Let me massage your kinky tips!
--8th Ave & W 4th
Comedy club promoter to hot girl: Hi, do you like comedy? (girl keeps walking) Okay, do you like skinny white guys then?
--42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Galina
Young boy reading aloud in halting monotone: I like that outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more?
--Borders, Kips Bay
Overheard by: Emily
Fat white guy in Mets jersey to hot blonde: Hello, my name is Tom and I'm horny. (blonde keeps walking)
--Lexington & 50th
Black man to female passerby: S'cuse me miss... Not to seem rude, but to be honest...for a white girl, you got a nice butt.
--5th Ave
Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this last weekend I went to a club...never again. I walked in, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. I saw a beautiful lady across the bar, went up to her and said, "Where have you been all my life?" She said back to me "I think for the first half of your life, I wasn't born." This is 59th, Columbus circle, have a good day, ladies and gentlemen.
--A Train
Wednesday One-Liners, As God Made Them
Guy on cell: What does you caring about me have to do with me at some club with "hypothetical" naked chicks?
--42nd & Lexington
Guy yelling across street to girl on phone: Tell her I waited naked on the bed all night but she never came!
--Washington Square
Suit to another: It's so weird because there are so many people at the office who you'd never think to picture naked... Like Marcy: you'd never picture her naked. Alex: you'd never picture him naked. Derek: I've never pictured him naked.
--F Train
Overheard by: EmLo
Guy, to two women: I was like, "You're lying on top of me. We're naked. When does this get fun?"
--Philosophy Building, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
(girl is wearing small, tight, mini-skirt and talking to a group of boys)
Girl: If it was up to me, I wouldn't be wearing any clothes, if it weren't for gravity.
--Sybil's, Liberty Ave, Queens
Overheard by: Terrence
20-something girl to friend: So I chased after him, but I was naked...so how far could I go?
--Brooklyn Promanade
Wednesday One-Liners Still Aren't a Tourist Attraction
(looking down at Washington Square Park's currently under-construction fountain)
Girl: Oh, is that where the World Trade Center used to be?
--Kimmel Center
Bensonhurst Italian guy on phone: I can't fuckin' wait for the Freedom Tower.
--Financial District
Suit on cell: Does anyone know where 9/11 is?
--Times Square
Overheard by: Jeffrey
Tourist: Is this the train to 9/11?
--R Train
Confused tourist (thinking he's looking at the WTC site): Will you look at that? They put a fucking graveyard in there! I mean, what the fuck?
--St. Paul's Church, Broadway & Fulton
Tourist: My favorite is my 9/11 Santa.
--Museum Shop, 53rd b/w 5th & 6th
Man's Best Wednesday One-Liners
Man: So I was making out with my ex girlfriend on the bridge and out of nowhere this dog runs over and starts humping my leg...
--Uptown 1 Train
Dude outside bar: All dogs are gay.
--7th Avenue, Park Slope
Overheard by: The Katie
Black man arguing with kiosk man: Yo, he ain't my son, he's my dog!
--6th Street
Middle-aged woman walking her dog to passersby: I'm a dog! I don't know why none of you believe me! I talk to my dog. Humans don't talk to animals, animals talk to animals! I'm not human! And until you people realize that, you're going to keep having problems with me!
--9th St & University Place
Overheard by: Katie
Drunk guy to girls walking puppy: Hey giiirl. Watch yo dawg. Giiirl! Watch yo dog... Cuz I might bite!
--Staten Island Boardwalk
Overheard by: Izzy
(teacher's cell rings)
Teacher: I have a feeling I have to answer this. It's very important. It's about my puppy.
--Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: student
Wednesday One-Liners Look Terrible in Neon Orange
20-something woman to man: You've never been arrested? I have never met anyone that has not been arrested!
--Le Charlot Restaurant, Upper East Side
Angry guy on cell: If you ever send e-mail to my family again, I will wait outside your apartment door! (pause) I got arrested! I spent Thanksgiving in jail!
--11th & University
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Man in US Correctional Services jacket to another looking around hectically in a large crowd: Make sure we don't lose him!
--Penn Station
Chubby well-dressed black dude to skinny white geeky friends: Time in prison can be good for the soul!
--F Train
Overheard by: MissMae
Guy on cell: Yeah man, she's like a young girl, and she's driving me nuts. It's like always a fight with her. I mean, she's so young, yo... But yeah, I mean, she's a sweetheart. I mean, she's a good girl. So young. Like, we've been together for 7 months and that ain't nothing to me, but to her it's a big deal. And I'm all like, shit, I've been in jail for longer than 7 months, you know, so I don't know what she's bitching about. I don't need her to make me miserable. I can make myself miserable.
--Metro-North Train
Overheard by: Meaghan
Fran Drescher sound-alike: What's wrong with you? Don't applaud, I'm going to jail!
--Eight Mile Creek, Mullberry Street
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Wednesday One-Liner Often Wonder How It Started To Be Spelled That Way
Girl: ...well it stopped working 'cause it got cum in it.
--W 27th St
Chick: I'm starving. The only protein I've had all day is an accidental cum shot to the face earlier this morning.
--SoHo
Guy to friends: If y'all was to really write it down and make a... a food chain of all of who used to date who, and who's dating who now, I bet you y'all got all the same juices running up in y'all system.
--2 Train
Overheard by: Kosi
Passing guy on cell: All I'm saying is everyone should have control over where their sperm goes.
--7th Ave
Hoochie on cell : Because I manage to get very juicy.
--L Train
Drunk girl at restaurant holding a champagne bottle: Excuse me, sir, can you open this for me? I'm afraid it's going to cum everywhere.
--Kaleidoscope, E 10th St
College dude: I bet there's semen somewhere on this grass.
--Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: Liz
A Gaggle Of Wednesday One-Liners
Guy on cell: I mean, it was bigger than a horse. But it had four humps.
--14th & 2nd
Overheard by: LIZ
Drunk man: A plastic sheep or a real sheep... When it comes down to it... is there really any difference?
--Biddy Early's Pub
Chick on cell: It's better than riding a golden yak!
--Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Man to friend: Did I mean "wombats"? Of course I meant fucking wombats!
--3 Train
Blonde: What is a mongoose and where can I get one?
--Times Square
Guy on cell (fumbling with a pack of Marlboros): Well, for one, it's been ten days since the baby snakes have eaten.
--92nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: The Mad Man
Middle-aged white guy: ...so we told the children they couldn't go to the petting zoo, to see how they would react. (pause) It was interesting on a psychological level.
--Outside of Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Remember When Wednesday One-Liner Were Black?
South African man to friend: Listen to what I just found out the other day... my friend's family owned Michael Jackson's family!
--NYU
Guy to friend (about a Halloween party): Dude, it's a totally corporate made-up holiday, but yeah, I'll dress up as Michael Jackson.
--Duane Reade, Union Square
Overheard by: Traczie
Professor: It's not as simple as black and white anymore. I mean, what color is Tiger Woods? What color is Barack Obama? What color is Michael Jackson?
--History of American Women Class, Pace University
Crazy hobo: This is the 2 Express Train! (a few minutes later) Goddammit, I been waiting two hours for the train! Now I gonna be too late for my lunch with Michael Jackson!
--66th Street Subway Platform
Overheard by: Seth
Little kid to another: You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!
--161st St & 3rd Ave, The Bronx
Overheard by: li'l squeaker
Wednesday One-Liners May Leave a Bad Taste in Your Mouth
Bland middle-aged woman: It's not like you're giving head in the Port Authority bathroom!
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: j
English tourist: You'll go home and people will ask: "So what did you do on holiday?" You'll reply: "Oh, I gave the Empire State Building a blowjob!"
--34th St
Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No... no, not you. Meanie. Why don't you just suck my dick. Suck my dick!
--34th Street
Dude on cell: It was like getting a blowjob from the inside.
--8th Ave & 53rd St
Guy on cell: Is that the guy that's been sucking your dick?
--81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Kelley
Young guy on cell: And then I said: "I could really use a blowjob right now." She was offended!
--48th & Park
Young black man to friend: Just because she sucks my dick doesn't make her Oprah Winfrey.
--B48 Bus
And the Day Is Young
Guy in line for hot dog: Oh, so you're pregnant?
Woman in line (looks at stomach): Nope, just fat.
--Hot Dog Vendor near WTC
Overheard by: JB
Oh, Come On-- Your First-Graders Aren't That Bad.
Asian woman #1 (reading ad for tv show): This looks kind of like Dynasty. You know, rich people stabbing each other in the back.
Asian woman #2: Oh, please. Look--the whole cast is white. I see conniving white people all day at work: why watch them again when I get home?
--4 Train
Overheard by: Iris K.
Let's Whittle!
Chubby Hispanic guy: I got soap on a rope, dude.
Manly black guy: And I got scissors, baby.
--W 34th St
Unless I Could Interest You in Some Rebound Sex?
20-something girl (following older man and sniffing him): Mmmmmmm.
Older man (letting her pass): Excuse me?
Girl: Sorry about that. You smell like my boyfriend. And he dumped me two days ago. (eyes well up)
Older man: Well, you're making me nervous. Keep on walking, honey.
--4 Train
Overheard by: alex
Right at the Bottom of the Barrel
Tourist #1 (looking at a massive sales bin): Do you want to go? There's nothing good here.
Tourist #2: Yeah, let's go.
Tourist #1: Oh! Wait! Here's Dancing with the Stars!
--Virgin Megastore, Times Square
From London
Columbia student: And I might get a job at Scotland Yard.
Friend: I don't know what that is. I just moved here a few months ago.
--Uptown 1 Train
Can't We Just Have Anonymous Anal at the Gym Like Normal People?
Meathead #1: Hey, if we went camping and got really drunk, and you woke up with a used condom in your ass, would you tell anyone?
Meathead #2: Ummmm no. I don't think I would.
(five minutes later)
Meathead #1: Wanna go camping?
--C Train
But That Gear Shaft Totally Consented
Drunk middle-aged woman #1: Yeah, but I don't think...
Drunk middle-aged woman #2: The cops in the state of New Jersey all have computers in their cars. They pulled him over, and he wasn't even doing anything!
Drunk middle-aged man #1: Well, what did they say to you?
Drunk middle-aged man #2: They said I was driving erotically.
--NJ Transit
They're So Cute When They're Ignorant
Ten-year old boy: Dad, how long will it take to get to the World Trade Center?
Father: Well, it will take a while. We have to go through 14th Street, 9th Street, Christopher Street, Hoboken, Pavonia/Newport, then to Grove Street. Then at Grove Street we switch trains to go to the World Trade.
Ten-year old boy: Wow...and it's all 'cause of those damn terrorists!
--PATH train, 23rd Street
Wasn't There a Guy with This Fetish on Sex and the City?
Little girl in stroller (screaming): Touch ma hair! Touch ma hair! Touch me hair!
Mother: Sweetie, please be quiet.
Little girl: Touch ma hair! Touch ma hair!
--Penn Station
Overheard by: HMS
Another Graduate of the Ike Turner Correspondence Course in Salesmanship
Tour guide trying to attract tourists: Hello! Great bus ride for tourists, only $30!
Girl: I'm not a tourist, I'm a student at Fordham.
Tour guide: Fordham's in England, you dumb bitch.
--Times Square
Let Me Guess-- Home Ec. Major?
Roommate #1: Did you switch your language this semester?
Roommate #2: Yeah, to Arabic.
Roommate #3: Is that a country?
--Manhattan College
Overheard by: K-Money
But I Desperately Need a New Facebook Photo!
Mom: Give me my phone.
Son: Photo?
Mom: No, you cannot take a picture.
Son (sticking phone in the butt of his pants): Please.
Mom: No, it's too loud. At home...
--NJ Transit
All Overs a Cities
(girl is shrieking)
Guy: What? There are mouses all over the city.
Girl: It's mice.
Guy: Right, that's what I said. Mices.
--37th & Lexington, Murray Hill
Overheard by: Morgan
But I'd Settle for an Hispanic Man with a Job
Thug #1: You know what I need?
Thug #2: What?
Thug #1: A white woman, with good credit.
--Columbia University
Overheard by:
Wow, You Sound Like My Abortion Counselor
Yelling man: Excuse me, attention please, girls only! Two years ago we were blessed by an earth angel, and that earth angel is me, in this body! If you want to come with me, girls, to heaven, I can give you some pamphlets, information...but there is a catch! Only girls under the age of 29 may come with the earth angel! Girls above the age of 29 are destined to the infernal afterlife!
Queer Latino to lady friend: Guess you're gonna burn.
--4 Train
Overheard by: nooners
They Do This at Least Once a Week
Hobo: I need change. I need me some change. Gonna get a steak sandwich.
Angry woman: Fuck that. Fuck you! I'm a social worker and I know you're nothing but a worthless son of a bitch! I know you gonna buy you some crack!
Hobo: Somebody better fire that bitch!
--Brooklyn
Amy Discovers the Law Of Karma
(seven-year-old girl gives 10 books and a few DVDs to library clerk)
Girl: Can I please have a bag?
Clerk: Sure, miss.
(clerk hands girl the bag, girl grabs it)
Girl: God! What did you put in here, a hippopotamus?
--Brooklyn Central Library
Overheard by: Jessie
Can I See It for a Nickel?
Sketchy guy: How does it feel to be the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Drunk chick: I have a dickel.
--Landsdowne, 43rd & 10th
There Is No Taco Bell at Penn Station, Douche.
Guy to friend (as a security guard makes people stand up): See? You really can't sit on the steps of The Met anymore.
Friend: Is it because of the tourists? God, I hate the tourists. I saw tourists taking pictures of a Taco Bell at Penn Station today. Those fuckers.
--Steps of The Met
Overheard by: April
Plus, That's Not the National Bird of Guam
Lady #1: This crossword puzzle is hard. Look at this one.
Lady #2: Mmmhmm. Well, you misspelled "dumb" right there.
Lady #1: Oh my god!
--LaGuardia Airport
And All This Time I Thought It Was a Compatibility Issue
Semi-irate customer: You mean all you did was swap out the USB cable?
Apple store guy: I guess the old girl just likes some new cable once in a while.
--Apple Store, West 14th
Headline by: g
Runners-Up:
· "...and If Your Feeling Adventurous, Try the Firewire Port." - You might need some plugins first though...
· "And Occasionally a Bigger Hard Drive" - Chris
· "How Steve Jobs Talks Raunchy" - Julia
· "Now Take Her Home, Boot Her Up and Give a Little Wine and TLC Before You Go Trying to Violate All Her Ports Again." - Gabbertoons
· "Too Many and She'll Get a Virus" - Henk
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Luckily the Hoods Are Incredibly Slimming
Girl #1: Do you think this Beatles shirt makes me look fat?
Girl #2: No, but regardless you're still related to the founder of the KKK.
--73rd & Broadway
The Most Original Thing a Former SNLer Has Done in Years
Employee: Bathrooms are to the left!
Tracy Morgan: Right there?
Employee: Yes, to the left.
Tracy Morgan: Can I go poop in there?
Employee: (laughs) Yes.
Tracy Morgan: I'm gonna poop in there...I gotta go poop!
--AMC Empire Movie Theatre
And There Was the Religious Difference
Woman walking with friends: I was so happy when my dog died! (friends gasp) Well, you know, I was finally free of that commitment.
--6th Ave b/w 25th & 26th
Overheard by: Lacy Garrison
Even in Grade School, We Hear the Stories
Little boy looking out window: I want to take the NYU shuttle when I go to college!
Mother: You can, if you go to NYU.
Little boy: Ohh. Nevermind.
--M103 Downtown
What? I Had Orange Soda with It.
Woman #1: What we gonna eat for dinner?
Woman #2: How 'bout Popeyes Chicken?
Woman #1: Nah, I had that fo' breakfast.
--Coney Island Boardwalk
Overheard by: OkieExpat
"Ick" Is Metrosexual in Origin
woman #1: I think he's gay. He uses the word "eeek" a lot.
Woman #2: "I-c-k"?
Woman #1: No, "e-e-e-c-k".
Woman #2: Isn't it "c-h"?
Woman #1: "C-h," "c-k," who cares! But that's gay, right?
Woman #2: Totally.
--Dylan Prime Restaurant, Tribeca
One of the Many Perks Of Dating a Kennedy
Teen chick: Move!
Teen guy: Move? Yeah, fuck grammar, we're in a hurry!
Teen chick: Y'know, if you weren't such a cunt you coulda had me!
Teen guy: I'll just fuck you while you're sleeping then.
Teen chick: Oh my god, that would be so hot!
--NYU
Overheard by: Guy With A Nonder
There Are So Few of Us in the City
Girl on cell: I am trashed... Well, actually, I'm drunk.
Passer-by: Hey, me too!
--6th St & Avenue B
Mostly CNN
Seven-year-old boy: You know Britney's on crack, she's on crack. And your girl Lindsay is so going to jail for selling cocaine. That Britney is crazy.
Aunt: That boy watches too much TV.
--LIRR
Overheard by: I think lindsay is going to jail too
Is "No Blood for Oil" a New Emo Band?
Tourist #1, pointing to an anti-war protest in Times Square: What's that?
Tourist #2: I think it's TRL.
--43rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Mike Fish
That's How I Get My Kix
(six-year-old boy tries to cross street against traffic)
Father, grabbing boy's hand: Whoa, little man! That's dangerous!
Six-year-old boy: Daddy, I eat danger for breakfast.
--Ocean & Newkirk, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Well I eat razors and nails.
At Least Until Brad Pitt Takes Over?
European man: Aww, what a beautiful baby. So nice...
Thai woman (in Thai): Do you want to be the daddy?
--N Train
Overheard by: NYC24
Does Checking Make You More or Less of a Loser?
High school-age Jersey girl: So I went on my ex-boyfriend's Facebook, since his birthday was last week. Only like 30 people wrote on his wall to wish him happy birthday.
Friend: Oh my god. What a loser!
--NJ Transit Terminal, Penn Station
Overheard by: Ashley
Seems to Be Coming Into Heat
Teen girl #1: My French teacher is Ms. Smith*. I was like, "Please no!" I hate her so much, and she really sucks at teaching.
Teen girl #2: Oh yeah, I know. Plus, she looks like a monkey's vagina.
Teen girl #1: Have you ever even seen a monkey's vagina?
Teen girl #2: Yeah... I've seen her face.
--Promenade, Brooklyn Heights
Ad: Still the Healthiest Thing You Can Buy at McDonald's
(man is eating, drug dealer sits at his table)
Dealer: An eight ball, right?
(man's cell rings, he answers)
Man (into cell): I'm... at the gym. (pause) Yeah, and this call has made me one of those annoying people on the phone at the treadmills. I'll call you later. (to dealer) Yeah, an eight ball.
--McDonald's, The Village
Overheard by: soccerboy
If Only Because We'll Never Have to Hear Gilbert Gottfried Again
Six-year-old boy: Words, words, words, words! One day, there will be no words.
Seven-year-old sister: That will be a beautiful day.
--2nd Ave & 7th St
Overheard by: shmarls
She's Better With Multi-Part Answers Than I Am
Activist: Excuse me, do you have a minute for gay rights?
Little boy: Daddy, what's gay rights?
Father: Umm... ask your mother.
--Bedford & N. 2nd, Williamsburg
Only Thirty-Nine More Quarters to Go!
Hobo: Can you spare a quarter?
Young female Brit on phone: Just a sec, Mitch* (turns to hobo) what is it?
Hobo: A quarter, can you spare a quarter?
Brit: A qua-what?
Hobo: Twenty five fucking cents!
Brit: Here, have your quarter. No...in fact, take a dollar, go get pissed, or do crack. Or weed. Whatever you...
Hobo (interrupting): Actually, I was thinking sushi tonight.
--29th & 6th
It's in a Very Close Relationship With Argentina
Woman #1: Chile? Isn't that in Mexico?
Woman #2: No, it's its own country.
Woman #1: Really? All by itself?
--Whole Foods, 14th St
Overheard by: Linda Keegstra
Four Out of Five Dentists Want to Know
Yuppie #1 (greeting friend): What's up?
Yuppie #2: Not-- oh, bro I think you still have some shaving cream up on your ear.
Yuppie #1 (wiping off ear): Oh, yeah, that's probably toothpaste.
Yuppie #2: How did you get toothpaste all the way up there?
Yuppie #1: You don't want to know.
--Carroll St, Brooklyn
Should We Start Over?
Black guy: You just made fun of someone with Down's Syndrome!
Hispanic girl: She kicked me!
Black guy (exasperated): Because she has Down's Syndrome!
--Union St & 4th Ave
Overheard by: Chihuahua
I Didn't Know Any of This Before Tour-Guide Training
Man #1: The French gave America the Statue of Liberty?
Man #2: Yeah. Because America gave them the Eiffel Tower.
--Staten Island Ferry
How to Come Out to Your Friends in One Easy Step
Guy #1: You know, I really did love her. It just wasn't going to work out.
Guy #2: I'm so sorry, man.
Guy #1: It's okay. I have time to go to the gym now.
--N Train
Overheard by: ltrain
You May Have Broken Up With Me, But at Least I Don't Use the Phrase "Shacking Up"
Chick holding shopping bags: Oh my god! Stan! I haven't seen you in like forever!
Chick's ex: Yeah, I've been pretty busy. Shacking up with girls, the like...you know. (chick eyes him over for some time) I look fantastic, don't I? (walks away)
--W 4th & 6th
Overheard by: friend of the ex
Oh, These Are Those Year-Round Tourists!
Woman #1: I hate this time of year in the city. It's like there are ten times as many tourists as usual, because everyone's on vacation.
Woman #2: I know. I mean, just look at the flocks of Asian people around here!
Woman #1: Ummmm, we're in Chinatown.
--Mott & Grand
Overheard by: Elisabeth
Some First Dates Go Better Than Others
Drunk chick: Come on, run with me...please.
Guy: No.
Drunk chick: I'm running.
Guy: Don't.
Drunk chick: This is me drunk, if you can't handle this you can't marry me!
--8th Ave & 31st St
Anyone Else Hope She's Buying Birth Control?
Annoyed sexy girl: This is stupid! I don't see how you can just think one city is older than another!
Embarrassed boyfriend: Think about it. Can't you see how Rome would be much older than, say, Provo, Utah?
Annoyed sexy girl: Well, I've never been to either of those, so how would I know?
--Duane Reade, Columbus Ave
Overheard by: Veronica
Here's Your Trophy
Thug: Yo, what time you got?
20-something: It's 7:45.
Thug: Mmm, well girl... What time's your curfew?
20-something: That's the worst fucking pick up line I've ever heard.
--A Train
Isn't That Probable Cause?
Straight guy: Uhm dude, I don't think he's gay.
Queer guy: So what? His fly was open.
--Central Park
Do Your Diamond Shoes Pinch Your Feet?
Young suit #1 (holding pack of gum): Do you have change for a hundred?
Female cashier: No.
Young suit #1: Dude, do you have a dollar? All I have is four hundreds.
Young suit #2: Sorry, I only have five hundreds.
Young suit #1: Ah, I hate it when that happens.
(the two suits leave)
Suit #3 (walking in): Do you have change for a hundred?
Female cashier: Don't make me kick yo' ass, brotha.
--Deli, General Motors Office Building
Overheard by: don't look at me, I make $10 an hour
Jesus, Quinn, There Are Always Other Options!
Rich girl #1: What are you going to do when your parents cut you off?
Rich girl #2: Move to Brooklyn.
--West Village
It's an Ill-Informed Hobo Who Doesn't Know About Hobo Gloves
Hobo: Hey, where you from, man?
Tourist #1 (wearing fingerless gloves): England.
Hobo: I knew you ain't from round here, cos I ain't never seen gloves like that before
(hobo walks away)
Tourist #2: You should have told him they're really popular with tramps in England.
--105th & Broadway
You, My Friend, Have a Flair for the Perp Walk
Suit #1: Man, my wrists are still sore from those handcuffs.
Suit #2: Yeah, that was funny when they took you out of the building like that. (they laugh)
--42nd & 6th Ave
Or You Called Him "Daddy"
(group of drunk teen girls are walking down the street)
Slurring girl (shouting): I made out with a 26-year-old! I feel kinda bad about that, but... But he was fucking hot!
Friend: It's only hot if he knew what age you were...
--73rd & 1st
Overheard by: Inquisitor
And Tonight Is Grandma's Night
Girl: Would you pay me $250 an hour tonight to have sex with me?
Guy: No! You're my sister!
--PATH Train
He Said I Was Beautiful
Redhead: It's not that he lies to get girls into bed, it's just that, you know, he doesn't always tell the truth.
Brunette: Did he lie to get you into bed?
Redhead: Well, yeah, but I was gonna sleep with him anyway.
--NJ Transit, Penn Station
It Also Says You Owe Me Five Dollars
Young child: Can I have some candy?
Older brother: No, I'm not supposed to share. See (points to writing on label) it says do not share.
--Pathmark, Queens
He's Not Just President of the Ghetto; He's Also a Member
Asian chick: Yeah, we're sisters!
White chick: Don't you mean "sistas"?
Asian chick: Oh, yeah, right.
White chick: Why is it I have to teach you ghetto language when I am the least ghetto person I know?
Homeless guy: What's wrong with the ghetto?
White chick: Nothing's wrong with the ghetto. I'm just not from there.
Homeless guy: The biggest dicks are in the ghetto!
--33rd St & 3rd Ave
Presenting, the Modern-Day Socrates
Six-year-old kid to lost-looking mother: So, where's downtown?
Mom: Well, it's not uptown!
--42nd Street Subway Station
Overheard by: Excellent deduction, Watson.
He's the Symbol of Quitting the Gym and Getting Your Life Back
Guy #1: Oh, look at this statue of the fat guy with the belly!
Guy #2: Yeah, it's cool.
Guy #1: There's a whole bunch of them! He must be some kind of symbol or something.
--Canal Street
Overheard by: You've never heard of Buddha?
Manhattan Jackals Are Quick to Scent a Fashion Weakness
Girl #1 to girl #2: You are like, the epitome of a Connecticut girl.
Queer friend: Yeah, you really are.
Girl #1: I mean, how many pairs of Uggs do you own?
Girl #2: (flicks her hair behind her shoulder, embarrassed) I don't know.
(general chuckling)
Queer friend, laughing: Don't worry, hon, I have two!
--Fashion Institute of Technology
While Wasps Prefer Boring
Jew boy: So wait... When Israelis talk to boring people they're just like, "You're boring. I hate you."?"
Jew chick (nodding enthusiastically): Yeah!
--87th & Lexington
Overheard by: MacDutchman
Tonight on Lifetime's Low Self-Esteem Theater
Girl: 12 son!
Guy: What?
Girl: That's my number.
Guy: Who was the 12th?
Girl: Some guy that picked me up off the side of the road, literally.
Guy: Well, did he at least pay you for it?
Girl: No, I felt bad that he had to take me home, so I paid him... with my vagina.
--Central Park
Overheard by: it's as good as cash
When I Spit on the Homeless, I'm Just Saying, "Thanks, Mom and Dad!"
20-something guy: You know, it's like people hate me for having money. But it's like, my parents worked *really* hard for that money, and they worked for it for *me*. So I deserve it.
20-something girl: Yeaaah. I know.
--1 Train
Overheard by: Ladle & Jen
You've Really Stepped Over the Line When a Hobo Calls TMI on You
Bum: Can I get a smoke?
Well-dressed 20-something: Sure man. I just ate a girl out!
Bum: Did she cum?
20-something: I don't know, she didn't let me do it for very long. (bum walks away) I can still taste her perfume!
--Penn Station
...No Disrespect, Dad
Father: ...and a sugar cookie.
Barista: Which color?
Father (to son): Which color do you want? (to barista) Purple.
Seven-year-old son: No, pink!
Father: Okay.
Seven-year-old son: But that doesn't mean I'm gay.
--Starbucks, 23rd & 5th
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Few Men Are Able to Do the Math on That
Old man: Because you know I love only you.
Young woman: I love you, too.
Random guy walking by: No he doesn't, he just wants your pussy.
--E Train
Overheard by: Ting
He'll Feel Superior for About a Minute, Before He Realizes He's in Brooklyn
Train conductor: This is Atlantic Avenue. If you don't want to be left in the city get off now, if you are going to the city, buckle up... wooo hoooo!
Ghetto woman: This nigga lost his mind.
Ghetto child: Just like daddy?
Suit: Fucking morons! (walks off train)
--Q Train
Overheard by: Got Off On Atlantic
I Knew There Had to be Downsides to Dating a Public Notary...
Unenthusiastic 20-something girl: So, uh, he's officially my boyfriend now.
Friend: So does that mean you are officially putting out now?
--49th St & 8th Ave
Headline by: kk
Runners-Up:
· "Facebook Decides to Expand the 'It's Complicated' Option" - betty
· "I Guess I'm Officially Cheating on Him Now Too" - Chris
· "No, He's Still Getting Laid Under the Table" - Professor Coldheart
· "No, That's Still Unofficial. I'm Catholic." - c
· "Once My PR Puts Out the Media Release." - winnie
· "When Government Overregulates" - Vasyl
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
If Only the Minutemen Could Keep Out Hicks
Little kid, holding out french fry: Patata!
Hick woman: Patoota? What's that?
Hick man: Little kids' word.
--Belgian Beer Bar, 75th & 2nd
Overheard by: Even my Spanish isn't that bad
...That Anybody Takes Charades Seriously
Girl #1: I don't know where he met her. All I know is that she can't play charades for shit and she's half Greek.
Girl #2: What do you mean she cant play charades? And I thought she was from Argentina.
Girl #1: Whatever. The point is, I take charades really seriously. How the hell do you act out The Cosby Show? Who comes up with that?
Girl #2: Wow. That's amazing.
--5th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Aria Grillo
Laguna Beach, Encapsulated
Girl #1: Do you like money? Cause I like money!
Girl #2: I like money, I really like money!
Girl #3: No, no, no, I love money! I love it!
--6th Ave & 26th St, Outside Nightspot
Overheard by: Lynchbeast
Wednesday One-Liners-- As Far As You Know
Man on cell, coming out of The Dark Knight: I'm sorry that I couldn't pick up your call, I was in a very important meeting with a client.
--Lowes Movie Theater, 68th & Broadway
Guy on cell walking out of subway entrance: I'm getting on the subway now.
--Park Place & Church Street
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Female suit on cell: Well, I can't talk long, I'm about to get on a plane. Yeah, JFK.
--Battery Park
Overheard by: pop pop
Overweight woman to daughter in pink tutu: You made me come here! Don't lie! Don't lie! Don't lie!
--Ikea, Redhook
Overheard by: Emily B.
Annoying anchor: I'm writing a newscast. I don't have time to check facts.
--CBS News Headquarters, 57th St
Overheard by: The Shadow News Bunny
Yo Quiero Wednesday One-Liners
Woman to male teacher: I thought you were a middle aged Latino woman.
--Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Alex and Colin
Chubby Latino: I don't want to go there. It'll just be a bunch of angry Dominicans throwing tables.
--Cooper Park, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Drunken lady, sitting uninvited at a Hispanic family table: Cinco cuatro cinco... en Chicago. I have a business at 545 Chicago. In Chicago. I am a successful woman. Stay in school, sweetie. Learn your math and arithmetic... Yes, your math, and your arithmetic. And be good to your mommy. You only have one mommy, so be good to her. Alright, ciao, guys. Adios, coco! What? A cab? No, no, I'm fine.
--Pio Pio Restaurant, 91st & 1st
Overheard by: HJWC
Hasidic Jew answering cell: Hola? Hola? Hola!
--30 Rock
Overheard by: Micky
Bespectacled man on cell, walking a dog: And I owe it all to the politically incorrect Frito Bandito.
--Bryant Park
Domo Arigato, Mr. Wednesday One-Liner
Nine-year-old boy: Sometimes I just think I am a robot. I mean, aren't I a robot?
--E 17th & Broadway
Overheard by: definitely human
Tall guy: Yeah, you have to learn not to trust those shifty-eyed robots.
--Union Square
Hipster: And, like, he wasn't even gay... he was just not human.
--88th & Park
Comic book guy: No, not Optimus Prime. But yes, I have had sexual thoughts... about robots.
--40th & 7th
Cute chick: You don't need a sex robot to have sex with a robot.
--Old Town Bar
Overheard by: Lieut. Liplock
Wednesday One-Liners Bust Out One-Armed Pushups for Fun
Chick on cell: Yeah, I'm like a hardcore rollerblader now. I just haven't learned how to stop yet.
--44th & 3rd
Steroid Freak: So I was hanging from his torso and then we tried to insert the triangle...
--25th & Lexington
Young man to friend: He likes me, he likes my style... he wants me to contort my limbs on a float.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Eyeteeth
Bored teenage girl (from 2nd story window): Hello, Mr Runner man! You've got a long way to go! I see you across the street there, wearing all black. These are words of encouragement! I support your acts of fitness!
--Vanderbilt & Bergen
Overheard by: Jilly
Female power-walker with cigarette: I used to be able to make a mile in under 7, but that was, you know, way back in college, before the job and the (runs out of breath) ...way back.
--Prospect Park Loop
Overheard by: EmLo
Flushed and Slurring Wednesday One-Liners
Female baggage handler to male colleague: I don't drink tequila no more. That's how I got my first kid.
--LaGuardia Airport
Very impressed girl on cell: Whoa! You actually remembered her name this time? Were you not drunk?
--12th St & University Place
Overheard by: Mr. Hedge
Seemingly sober grad student: Let's face it. We'll be drunk in (checks watch) fifteen minutes.
--Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
NYC police officer: How hard can it be to find a drunk person on this floor?
--Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Vanessa
Girl with drink, to friends: This will have to be my last one, guys, I have to go babysit.
--Greenwich Ave & Charles Street
Overheard by: Jodi
New York's Finest Wednesday One-Liners
Black kid after seeing white girl in gym clothes run by: Man, for a second I thought that white girl was running from the cops too!
--Fordham Road, The Bronx
Overheard by: run, white girl, run
Middle-aged black lady yelling on crowded train: Young black men stand the fuck up! Kill the NYPD!
--A Train
Little kid to bus driver, after a police car siren is heard: Whenever I hear a police car siren, I always think that they are getting donuts, 'cause, ya know, cops love donuts, right?
--B41 Bus
Dude: I was playing the new GTA. I drove around looking for my apartment but couldn't find it, so I just shot a bunch of cops.
--Columbus Circle
Cop with M-4 assault rifle (serious voice, on a sunny day): It's raining men out here.
--86th & Lexington
Wednesday One-Liners Eat Boogers
Man on cell: It's a swollen, pus-filled sebaceous cyst...
--Nathan's, West 32nd St
Overheard by: SuzeV
Chick leaving Duane Reade (exposing armpit): Air it out baby, air it out!
--Duane Reade, 14th & 1st
Overheard by: Lillian
Guy to friends: I'm just gonna rub my shit all over her face. All over!
--96th and Broadway
Fat girl on cell: Oh my god, seriously. My mom is *so* nasty whenever we go out to eat somewhere. I'm not kidding. Like, she is *never* happy where we get seated, and she's like, "This silverware is smudgy! This glass has grit in it! The lighting is awful! The tectonic plates of this location are shifting, I demand a patio table!" I try to be as nice as I can to the wait staff to make up for her. Seriously. I've seen waiting. Please don't shave your asscrack hair into my food because my mom was a douchenozzle.
--jet blue terminal, jfk
Overheard by: now questioning my pizza ingredients
Girl on cell: Yeah, you pretty much have the same body functions when you're dead as when you're alive. It's gross, but I love it.
--Mercer b/w 3rd & 4th
Overheard by: Threw up in my mouth a little bit
Did Wednesday Crawl Up Your One-Liner and Die?
Man on phone: So you know that guy whose mouth I farted in? He was totally at the bar last night.
--4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: not that guy
Hobo to his dog: Was that you who farted or me? Because I think it was you.
--67th & Amsterdam
NYU kid on cell: No, no, dude! You're not hearing me! I'm telling you that we were playing the game "I never" and the question was "I've never farted in an elevator" ...yeah! I know! But here's the thing, dude! She claimed she'd never farted! (laughs) Nooo, dude! You heard me right: Never ever. And I gotta tell you, bro: it's creepin' me out!
--La Guardia b/w Bleecker & Houston
Overheard by: Elevator Bomb Dropper
Jealous guy: I hope her boyfriend farts in her face and she gets pink eye.
--L Train
Woman on cell: Now, honey, tell the truth. Did you fart on Santa's lap?
--Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Mike N
Wednesday One-Liners Can't Talk Here. It Isn't Safe
Conspiracy theorist: The government knows everything these days. The goddamn E-ZPass knows when I'm going to be intimate.
--Sly Fox Bar
Overheard by: Cait O'Connor
Dude on cell (angrily): You should not be paying that much for oil, man... No, we are not going to run out of oil anytime soon! Don't you know that there are X-ray satellites all around the Earth, and they know the location of all the oil, natural gas, and aluminum under the ground? We can do that, because we have the satellite technology!
--Bronx 2 Train
Elderly man seeing another with cochlear implant: Wow... now they re talking to your brain!
--Time Warner Building, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: michael
Drunk hobo on R train: I never met a woman that wasn't a federal agent. You can't trust women. Women are like computers. Never trust a machine that can think.
--R Train
High school girl: You know what I just found out? Those crop circles are real! I didn't know that! And if you take an electronic device down there to video tape them, it will explode.
--Wendy's
Wednesday One-Liners Just Hope They'll Get There Eventually
Conductor: This is 14th Street, Union Square. Transfers available to the 4, 5, 6, L, Q, R, and W trains. This is a Queens-bound N train. The next stop will be 14th Street, Union Square. 14th Street, Union Square will be the next stop.
--Uptown N Train, Canal Street
Overheard by: V
Conductor: This is 33rd Street. Transfer is available to the... street.
--6 Train
Overheard by: Murray Hill Schlub
Conductor: This is 66th street, Lincoln Tunnel.
--Downtown 2 Train
Overheard by: Close but no cigar
Conductor: Attention, ladies and gentlemen. This train will *not* be going to South Ferry, due to issues with the problem. I repeat: we will *not* be going to South Ferry, because of issues with the problem.
--Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Ladle
Conductor: There is no N train service across the platform. I repeat, there is no N service across the platform. (N train pulls in) ...that is an an N train across the platform.
--Queensboro Plaza
Wednesday One-Liners: Ribbed for Her Pleasure
Loud office chick: Oh my god, I found, like, four condoms on the bookshelf!
--Hudson St
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Serious teen on cell: If you use a condom... It doesn't count.
--Murray Hill
40-something woman to two 20-year-old men: Don't believe any girl when she tells you she's on birth control. Take your condom and keep it in your wallet.
--19th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: McCrum
Guy on cell: You're just mad because your dick is tiny and the condom slipped off.
--Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Powerwalking Indian woman: I mean, isn't that why I went on the pill? So guys can come in me?
--40th & Queens Blvd, Queens
Overheard by: Ohmarkus
Dude, Where Are My Wednesday One-Liners?
Suit on cell: You know, in the 80s everyone and their brother were making limos in their basement.
--17th & Broadway
Overheard by: Vespa
(obnoxious pimped-out car revs up at stop sign, then tears down the road)
Old guy: That guy's goin' back to the future! 88 miles per hour!
--9th & Stuyvesant
Tough-looking woman to younger one: Let me teach you how to break into a car...
--27th b/w 6th & 5th
Overheard by: Kyle
Russian guy on cell (in Russian): I am not seeing her as a woman, I am seeing her as a potential driver of a vehicle.
--Lower East Side
50-something woman: I haven't seen a good pimpmobile since the seventies. I mean, what happened to all the purple, maroon, and gold? What is all of this crap with yellow hummers and black Escalades these days, it's like all the pimps went to finishing school sometime in 1981.
--Central Park
Overheard by: Graham Davis
Oh Wait-- There's JLo's Ass
Camp counselor pointing to giant brass globe: Guys, look! This is America... And way out here is Hawaii...
Camper: I can't find where's The Bronx.
--Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Autumn
Where Do Your Parents Think You Are?
Underage brunette: So, do you want to go somewhere else? I kind of want to stay because that guy is so hot!
Underage blonde: No, I want to stay here because my ID works here and I'm afraid to go somewhere else. Yeah, he is hot, it's weird that he's ignoring you.
Underage brunette: I know, right? I just want to go home with him tonight.
Underage blonde: Well, when we hooked up we had sex four times that night, you know?
Underage brunette: Yeah, I guess I need to get a little more drunk. Let's go.
--Bathroom, Heartland Brewery, Empire State Building
Overheard by: nycResident
Nicole Richie's Life Is Proceeding As Usual
Guy: I mean, she can come with and dance on the table.
Girl: I wanna see the baby!
--Avenue U & Coney Island Ave
Overheard by: I wanna go where they're going.
Fine--Your Pussy's the Biggest I've Ever Seen, Okay?
Man: Why do you always have to bring that up?
Woman: Oh, come on, your penis is huge! It's one of the biggest I've ever seen! (gestures with hands)
Man (looking around nervously): Are you crazy? We're in a public place!
Woman: What? No one is listening.
--Lumi Restaurant
Especially When It Predicts a Black Hole at the Big Bang
Good looking brunette: Yeah, then we talked about physics.
Intrigued girl pal: Oh, really? Why?
Good looking brunette: Not sure, but I remember it turned me on.
Intrigued girl pal: Oh...
(awkward silence)
Hot guy pal: (nods head)
Good looking brunette: What? I really like physics! Its the math... I really like math.
--Park Ave
Overheard by: angela
"Fuck Your Mother" Is Practically a Good-Guy Mantra
Young thug #1: Everyone is getting tattoos! Everyone!
Young thug #2: Like who?
Young thug #1: Dave. He just got another tat. I want a tat!
Young thug #2: So, why don't you get one?
Young thug #1: I can't... (whispers) My mom won't let me.
Young thug #2: Shit, nigga, fuck your mother. You can get a tat and be a good guy. I'm a good guy. My record is sealed!
--Deli, Park Slope
If You Want a Taste Of the Rainbow, Go for It!
Teenage Spanish girls: Mister, mister! Where'd you get that belt?
Guy: (mumbles)
Girl #1: You know that's the gay belt, right? That belt is gay, yo.
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #2: Yeah, that's the gay belt. You better take that shit off! Are you gay?
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #1: Then take that shit off man! You can't have a gay belt. What store did you get it at? Didn't they tell you when you bought it? Mister, you better return that shit to the store!
Girl #3: Maybe he's bi. Hey mister, it's okay if you're bi. I mean, I like eating pussy.
--Uptown N Train
Overheard by: Jeff
P.S. Your Boobs Are Crooked Today
Girl #1: Do I have a camel toe?
Girl #2: No, you're good.
Girl #1: Thanks for being a good friend and looking at my vagina.
--109th St & Amersterdam
Overheard by: Kizzle
How Gary Posthumously Came Out to His Parents
Florist #1 (hanging up the phone) We just got a funeral.
Florist #2: Man or woman?
Florist #1: Man.
Florist #2: Goddammit! We have all these pink roses and nothing we can use them for!
Florist #1: We could always use them and hope that he was a flamer.
--Flower Shop, Greenwich Village
It's Like Sleeping With a Very Hairy Lesbian
Woman in workout clothes: It definitely does not grow with age because he's 23 and he has the tiniest penis.
Friend: Yeah, I totally agree...
--Union Square
Overheard by: squeaky
Is It That Time Of Year Already?
Dude: I'm thinking about going to the Philharmonic concert tonight in Central Park.
Chick: Hmm, interesting. I just don't know that I could sit through a harmonica concert.
Dude: No, no, it's the *Phil* harmonic concert.
Chick: Oh! (pause) Who is that?
--Penn Station
Overheard by: andrew
Urge to Talk to You Fading...Fading...
Salesgirl #1: My friend totally looks like George Costanza.
Salesgirl #2: Wow.
Salesgirl #1: Except picture him 20 years younger.
Salesgirl #2: Okay.
Salesgirl #1: Oh, and with hair.
Salesgirl #2: Uh huh.
Salesgirl #1: And his hair is blonde.
Salesgirl #2: Right...
--Rothman's, 17th & PAS
Overheard by: shopper
What With the Go-Go Boots and the White Lipstick
Queer #1: I feel like you should have been born in the 60s.
Queer #2: I know, right? I'm such a 60s girl.
--The Modern Bar Room
Overheard by: Jizzle
Scene from Every Puberty Movie Ever Made
Girl #1: So, like, I don't understand why everything is so... strange.
Girl #2: Strange as in... mot normal?
Girl #1: I mean strange as in weird.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Jenn
Ditto for Quality Service
Patron: What do you suggest if I don't want red meat?
Luger's waiter: Another restaurant.
--Peter Luger's
Overheard by: glad I didn't ask for their tofu dish
Once Again, I'm Just Your Doorman, Ma'am
Young hippie girl: So you're too tired to go to the Empire State Building and you're too hot to go on the boats? So basically you don't love me.
Old, sweaty, stressed guy (laughing): We're here again?
--Central Park
But You Know What They Say -- "Beer Before Liquor; Fly There Quicker"
Pilot (after landing plane in New York): American Airlines welcomes you all to foggy Ottawa, and we hope you had a pleasant flight.
Everybody on plane: Huh? What!
Pilot: Whoopsies, I mean New York City, JFK. (under his breath but still audible) I should drink less.
--JFK Tarmac
Overheard by: seat 32B
You Earn Extra Street Cred for Creeping Out a Hobo
Suit lugging huge rolling suitcase to hobo taking up two seats on train: Pardon me.
Hobo (sliding over, looking at huge suitcase): What do you have there, a dog or something?
Suit (with deadpan look on his face, stroking suitcase fondly): I used to. (sighs)
(hobo slowly inches away)
--L Train
Overheard by: Cai
That's What I Asked for at the Salon
Boyfriend: No, seriously, you have the vagina of a nine-year-old girl.
Girlfriend (flattered): Thank you!
--72nd St
Overheard by: Dubjay
Too Easy-- That Was Like Sandblasting a Soup Cracker
Ten-year-old tourist girl wearing pink Crocs: Smoking is bad for you!
Smoking queer: Crocs are for retarded kids who can't tie their own shoes.
--50th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Scott
Nobody Puts Baby in the Toilet!
Chick #1: Did I ever tell you about my friend's mom who had a baby in the toilet?
(awkward pause)
Chick #2: Now you're gonna tell it?
--Pomme Frite Restaurant
In the 70s They Called That a 'Nose Job'.
JAP: I did the whole Manhattan/Long Island/Westchester Jew thing this year.
Guy: How'd that work out?
JAP: I think I'm going to cut that phase in my life.
--NYU
Overheard by: A. Pincus
Headline by: Still got my original nose.
Runners-Up:
· "By Which I Mean the Inside Of My Thigh" - Tadzio
· "I Realized I Can Keep the Sense Of Entitlement Without All That Extra Work." - stoobydoo
· "I Think Hitler Tried That Already...." - Sarah Booz
· "I'll Tell the Guy Who's Ghost-Writing My Autobiography Later Today" - Louis
· "JAP Code for I Was Slutty and Need an Abortion" - Casual Observer
· "Sort Of a "Lifestyle Bris"" - Chris
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Only If You Say "Aaron Burr" With Your Mouth Full Like That
Hobo: Can anybody help me? Can anybody help me get some food? Can anybody help me get something to eat? I appreciate it.
20-something girl, handing him a ziplocked sandwich: It's peanut butter and jelly.
(hobo hands it back, reconsiders, opens bag, sniffs it, and reluctantly eats it)
Hobo eating sandwich: Cam amymumy hem me. Cam amymumy hem me geh some food that's not a peanut butter sammich. I appreciate it.
--1 Train
Overheard by: Albertro
This Secret Art Is Passed from Father to Son
(scary looking man scratching balls waiting to cross the street with a four-year-old in one hand. Little boy copies his daddy in scratching his balls)
Little boy: Ouch! It hurts!
Scary man: That's cause you're not doing it right.
--E.16th St, Brooklyn
In Perfect Penmanship, on Crisp Notecards
Girl: Thank you.
Guy: For what?
Girl: For being you.
Guy: Can't you be more specific? I thank you for sex.
--24rd St & 3rd Ave
Like Having a Threesome Where at Least One of the Guys Is Competent
Latina #1: That was the worst movie ever.
Latina #2: It was, kinda. But we saw the other one for free.
--Regal Movie Theater, Union Square
Overheard by: A&P
Try "Doggies for Druggies," Sir
Young thug to ASPCA rep with Pit Bull: Yo, is that a Pit Bull? Can I get her?
ASPCA rep: Yes, she is up for adoption, her name is...
Young thug: Yo, that's cool, cuz I like sell weed and shit, and I need a pit.
ASPCA rep: Uhh... (turns and walks away)
Young thug: I ain't gonna beat her.
--Union Square, ASPCA Day
Overheard by: Somebody should beat him.
Phyllis Puts on Her War Face Before Taking The Subway Home
Blue-collar guy holding elevator door: Have a good night.
Older professional lady getting off elevator: Peace out.
--Office Building, Park Avenue
Dignity Zero, Entertainment Ten
Guy in stall #1: Hey, can you pass me some toilet paper? There's none here.
Guy in stall #2: Sure. (pause) Here's a bit. It ain't much.
Guy in stall #1: I'll take whatever you can give me.
Guy in stall #2: Sure, I know how it is. (starts to sing) I know how it iiiiiis, to be stranded on the toilet bowwwwwl...
--Men's Restroom, Bryant Park
But It Was a Condition of Going on Elimidate
Young guy: Well, I called her a ho, but I didn't mean it.
Young girl: But she was your date!
--14th St & 7th Ave
Said the Grasshopper to the Ant
Guy with clipboard: Hey there! Do you have a minute for gay rights?
Gay dude: Every minute of my life is for gay rights.
Guy with clipboard: Are you aware that there are people in Washington trying to take your rights away?
Gay dude: No shit! That's not news! Leave me alone!
--16th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: mille shayntwright
It'd Be Good to Be Onesie Nation Again
Two-year-old in stroller: I love Barack Obama!
Exasperated mother: We know. We know you love Barack Obama.
--Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: Helena the Great
Before Putting Him in a Fresh Diaper and Reading Him a Story
Girl #1: I keep getting urinary tract infections.
Girl #2: Well, maybe he has a dirty penis.
Girl #1: No, I wash it for him in the shower.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Susan
They Rent Out Kids for Precisely That Purpose
Girl: He sucks at his job. How does he not get fired?
Friend: He probably uses the kid card.
Girl: The what?
Friend: You know, the "Oh, look at my kid!"
--Astor Place & Broadway
Overheard by: christine y0
Ah, Spring, Whan a Young Man's Fancy Turns to Groping in the Back Seat
Girl #1: I think spring is my favorite season, I mean, it's mating season... but I dunno, I also like the fall.
Girl #2: No, it's true, all creatures mate during spring.
Guy: Yeah. I mean, prom is during spring.
--111th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam
I'd Never Seen Anyone Do Wheelies While Making Stir-Fry Like That
Brunette: She was in a wheelchair.
Blonde: She was a bitch on wheels!
Brunette: Yeah, she'd come wheeling out and I was like: "Dammit, Conchita!" ...but she could cook.
--Café Mare Gelateria
Don't Overthink It, You'll Ruin Him
Guy with Mohawk drinking a beer: That guy over there is half Asian and half black.
Friend in skinny jeans: That's so postmodern!
--The Cock, 2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Trevor From Seattle
We All Have Friends Who Find Our Buttons and Keep Pushing Them
Girl: Hey...do you think that there's, like, pregnant porn out there?
Friend: You mean, porn, starring pregnant women?
Girl: Yeah.
Friend: That's gross. I don't even want to know.
Girl: Hmm... I think I'm going to look it up when I get home.
Friend: Can we please stop talking about this?
Girl: I'll send you some?
Friend (disgusted): Please. Don't.
--27th & 6th
Overheard by: sam
A Real Man Has the Scars to Prove It
Older guy at table: Goddamn it!
Younger man: What's the matter?
Older guy: Do you ever get some loose skin from your ball sack stuck in you fly? I can tell you right now, it's a motherfucker!
Younger guy: No, that's why we wear underwear.
Older guy: Yeah, well back in my day I was raised without them and god forbid, as long as I live, I'll never put one on till I'm cold dead.
--Burger King, Broadway
That Fanny Pack Screams "Beatbox Aficionado"
Wannabe hip hop artist: Yo, you like hip hop?
Local: No. But he does. (points at random tourist standing still and disappears into the crowd)
--42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Mike
I Aspire to Be the Rose That Grows There
(#106 bus arrives)
Black woman to white woman: You know if this bus is going to East Harlem?
White woman: Yes, I know.
Black woman: Oh, okay. I was just making sure you knew where you were going.
--96th St & Amsterdam
Ah Well-- I'll Be Back Tomorrow to Summarize Gone with the Wind
Old creepster: Do you have The Princess Bride?
Employee: Let me see. (goes to shelf) No, we don't have it.
Old creepster: It's the one that's got whatshername, Sean Wright Penn. It was the film that made her career.
Employee: Right, but...
Old creepster: She used to have hair down to her waist, but she had to cut it for this film. And the whole thing is a story told by Peter Falk, he's a pretty old guy...
Employee: Right, but we don't have it.
--Circuit City, 79th & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Oh Yeah? Then How'd I Get That Job in Biotech?
Thug #1: Yo, I can't wait for Obama to win the election, yo! He gonna make white people illegal!
Thug #2 (stopping dead in his tracks): You one ignorant muthafucka, ain't you?
--The Village
This Goes on Until Moe Slaps Them
Woman #1: Oh my god, I can't believe you said that!
Woman #2: Shut up, I did not just say that!
Woman #1: You just said that.
Woman #2: When did I say that?
Woman #1: You like *just* said that!
--Starbucks, Battery Park Plaza
Who, Let's Face It, Is the Weak Link in That Triumvirate
Man #1: Yeah, Charley tells me he's afraid of ghosts. He's afraid they'll get him if he turns out the light.
Man #2: Yeah?
Man #1: Yeah, so I told him, "Charley, there are no such things as ghosts."
Man #2: Okay.
Man #1: And then he asks Elane if there are no such things as ghosts and she starts going blah-da-de-blah on about the holy ghost.
Man #2: *Sigh*
--D Line
Overheard by: Mago
Undercover Cops Aren't As Savvy As They Used to Be
Guy selling purses out of a suitcase: Coach, Gucci, Prada! Purses for cheap!
Tourist lady: Are these real?
Crowd of shoppers: (no response)
Tourist lady (louder): Are these real?
Crowd of shoppers: (no response)
Tourist lady: Did you steal these?
--Canal St.
So It's Kosher
Man: Holy shit!
Little child: Ooooohh! Mommy, he said shit.
Mother: Don't worry, it's holy.
--Liberty Avenue
Overheard by: Karina
Another Proud Day for America
Man #1: It's Bastille Day, so viva le France!
Man #2: Screw France, viva Las Vegas.
Random girl: Viva 69!
--Brooklyn Bridge
Since When Do Hippies Have Air Conditioners?
Granola backpacker #1: How many BTUs does your air conditioner have?
Granola backpacker #2: I don't know, but it works pretty well, considering I don't have a ceiling.
--R Train
Overheard by: slightly puzzled