Priest: Please exit using the side doors as there are things going on in the front. –St. Patrick’s Cathedral Overheard by: Bryant Old lady: Jesus on a check? Oh well, I’m an atheist, so it doesn’t really matter to me. –E. 33rd Street office Woman on cell: He can’t hear you when you hate me…You hate me? Then he can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! Jehovah can’t hear you when you hate me! –42nd between 10th & 11th Woman: You know, they tell those suicide bombers they’ll get 99 virgins when you get to heaven. 99 virgins! But if you blow yourself up in Brooklyn, you only get 50. Half off for Brooklyn. –CVS, Harlem Puerto Rican guy: Jesus loves you. I love you. I know you don’t want to listen to me. I know about your bunny rabbit… Will you be one of the 144,000 chosen?…On July 30th we will all come together. I will wear a kippa. But you know you have to accept the savior…There are 632,000 lords…I will stop talking to you now. The Flintstones told me not to. –4 train Overheard by: Matt F.
Girl: Is this tequila comparable to Jose?
Old wino: Uhh, ask Leonard, but be careful, he'll go on forever.
Girl: S'okay, I'll fake a seizure.
–Liquor Store, 53rd St & 2nd Ave
Guy #1: Yo, come and get some falafel with me.
Guy #2: Waffles?
Guy #1: No man, falafel. Trust me, it's mad good.
Guy #2: What is it?
Guy #1: Shit, I can't even explain it. It's like… chicken and waffles.
Subway musician to drunk guy puking: Hey! Come on, asshole, take a cab, this is my place of work!
Drunk guy: You know what, why don't you pay for my cab to Queens and get a real job while you're at it?
Suit: Have you ever seen Conan in HD? His face looks like a scrotum. –Maggie’s Place, E. 47th Street Overheard by: Grimbil
Girl #1: How excited would you be if we saw Johnny Depp?
Girl #2: I’d probably pee my pants and then pass out.
Overheard by: Jenny
21-year-old Jewish guy #1: Is Jesus a saint?
Male Christian friend: He’s Jesus. He’s, like, the president of the saints.
21-year-old Jewish guy #1: Then who’s the treasurer?
Female Christian friend: [Blank stare.]
21-year-old Jewish guy #2: Probably whoever the patron saint of money is, huh?
21-year-old Jewish guy #1: And what about the secretary?
Female Christian friend: [Blank stare.]
21-year-old Jewish guy #2: Yeah, probably the patron saint of note takers.
Female Christian friend: I’m pretty sure it’s not really organized like that.
–Grace Church, 11th & Broadway
Overheard by: patron saint of laughing your ass off
Guy: They’re squatters and ravers. They squat and rave…They squave.
–Belle and Sebastian show, Battery Park
Overheard by: Lacey Suit: You know how some people wing it? Well I wanged it. I totally wanged it. –52nd & 7th Overheard by: Jatmos Asian guy: It seems like everyone is giving headjobs these days. –Flinders St Overheard by: duygu Female nurse: I’m telling you, he is totally intercontinental. I have to change him 4 times a day. –Hudson & Spring Overheard by: AJ Stone Wordsmith, on the phone: Ma’am, her train is being delayed because of constipation. –Office, 1250 Broadway Teen on cell: He’s not very smart…Yeah, I just need someone to conversate with. –Macy’s Overheard by: Chelsea College guy: The word “secretion” just fucks me up. –NYU 10-Year-Old boy: I ain’t speakin’ no language. –B48 bus, Franklin & DeKalb Overheard by: Kyri Tourist: Sexual attention is the only language I really understand. –Around the Clock Diner, Stuyvesant & 3rd Ave Overheard by: gweny Woman: The lesbians don’t like the Jews…I mean the Lebanese. –Party, 16th & 1st Girl: Stop staring at all the buildings, you look like a terrorist!…I mean tourist. Same thing. –8th & Broadway Overheard by: ceci Girl: Oh, my shoes totally fell asleep…Fell asleep? Fell apart! –Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn
Guy #1: He left me yesterday.
Guy #2: What a cock sucker.
–E 2nd St & Gravesend Neck Rd
Tourist to wife: I just don't understand! Where are we?!
Panicking tourist to security guard: Where's Rockefeller Center? We're looking for Rockefeller Center.
–Lobby of One Rockefeller Plaza
Overheard by: Cung
20-something girl to friend: We should learn to read maps. We live in New York City. It's so simple. We should learn to read maps.
Overheard by: Katherine
Man to woman, walking: It's Broadway and 6th, but I don't know where that is.
–Broadway & 6th