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October 2008 Archives
Then We'll Dip Into the Sacrificial Wine and Have a Good Laugh
Woman #1: She keeps acting all funny now, and I'm up to the point where I'll have to beat her ass.
Woman #2: You crazy.
Woman #1: I'm beating her ass right in church, you watch me!
Woman #2 (laughing): You crazy!
Woman #1: I'll say "Lord, forgive me," before I beat her ass down right in front of the altar!
--PATH Train
Overheard by: Manhattman
Can We Get a Picture with You, Rude New Yorker?
(a couple of guys want to get a picture of a taxi crashed into a lamppost)
Guy #1 (handing camera to passerby): Can you take our picture?
Guy #2: In front of the taxi. (pause) We're tourists.
New Yorker: Yeah, I know.
--Near Cake Shop
Overheard by: Shutterbug
You Can, Too-- We Really Don't Mind
Young black teen: Is that a North Face jacket you're wearing?
White guy: Yes, it is.
Other young black teen: Do you use it to go skiing?
White guy: Uh, yes.
Young black teen to friend: See! I told you white people use North Face jackets to go skiing!
--F Train
But After Dinosaur Time
Mom to kid: You said you wanted a history book, what were you thinking?
Kid to mom: Like, "History." Back in horse time.
--Bookstore, Greenpoint
Overheard by: eefers
The Governor's Accent Tends to Throw People Off
Guy #1, wearing American Apparel sweater: Brr.
Guy #2: Man, I freaking hate American Apparel!
Guy #1: Yeah, this sweater's thin as hell!
Guy #2: No, I mean like they're all "American" Apparel" so they can sell to Americans, pretending to be made by Americans. Meanwhile, their clothes are being made in California!
--Elevator, St. George Hotel, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Crazy Person
Juan Valdez! I Love Him!
Girl #1: Oh my god, I can't believe we saw him! And he just re-signed with the Yankees!
Girl #2: Oh my god, I love José Canseco!
Girl #1: You mean Jorge Posada, right?
Girl #2: Yeah, sure, whoever you said!
--50th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jason
So We Know It's Fierce
Boyfriend: I guess we can get some stuff at Gristedes, the ghetto grocery.
Girlfriend: Gristedes isn't ghetto! It was on Project Runway!
--Gristedes
Overheard by: Fox
Which Is So Long It Stretches Around the Black
(waiting in line at the DMV)
Black supervisor with thick Jamaican accent to preppy white mom accompanying her daughter: You sit down. (mumbles something else)
White mom: Did he say "only Africans wait in line"?
White daughter: No, mom, "only *applicants* wait in line."
--Harlem DMV
Yoko Ono Might Argue That This Was NOT Here
Tourist woman: Look! Look up, there it is!
Tourist man: Really, that's it? I don't think that's it.
Tourist woman (pointing at "Empire State Building" label): No, look. It says right there.
Tourist man: Oh, I guess you're right... this must be it.
--Empire State Building, 34th & 5th
A Tradition I Continue to Honor
Girl: Did you know that my ancestors invented the thing that links subway cars together?
Guy: Did you know that my ancestors got drunk in the subway cars?
--MTA Transit Museum
The Public's Reaction to Julia Roberts' Performance in Charlie Wilson's War
Woman on phone: This is completely unacceptable! You work for the United States Government, and this is completely unacceptable!
Crazy old man: Shut up, you stupid cow!
--Hudson & Charles
So I Refused to Continue Delivering Her Baby
Man: I just don't know why it had to be so dramatic.
Woman: Joe, she kicked me in the face. Twice.
--R Train
Overheard by: LH
It Tells Me Stories About Jesters and Dragons
Woman #1: So, I went to the dermatologist the other day, and she said it doesn't have to be removed.
Woman #2: Oh...good!
Woman #1: I know! I was like, "good!" I'm very attached to it, and it's very attached to me!
Woman #3: Wait...what are we talking about?
Woman #1 (in loud whisper): I have a...huge mole. On my ass.
--Deli, 7th & Ave A
Why Would You Ever Delete Facebook but Keep MySpace?
Teen girl: So I deleted my Facebook.
Teen guy: See! There's another one!
Teen girl: Another what?
Teen guy: Another difference, my last girlfriend deleted her MySpace and kept her Facebook. That's, like, so weird.
Teen girl: But we both had both.
Teen guy: Don't argue.
--2 Train
Sorey Asses Are What We Had After That Bondage Seminar
Girl, reading Hydrocortisone cream label: What is "sorey asses"?
Friend: It's "psoriasis," asshole!
--Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Sarah
Just When People Had Stopped Looking for Carrie Bradshaw's House...
Teenage boy in Boston Celtics jacket: Ewww, this is Jackson Heights?
Father: Yeah, I guess so.
Bored tween girl: Can we go back to the hotel, puh-lease?
Mom: Not yet. I want to find where Ugly Betty lives.
--Jackson Heights
Overheard by: Jellobelle
Those Guys Are So Ignorant
Security guard to group of teenagers: Where are you from? Are you from the West Coast? I want to know what's going on over there.
Teenager: We're from Washington, DC.
Security guard: Oh, that's on the West Coast.
Teenager: No, Washington, DC is on the East Coast.
Security guard: Ohhh. You've got all those politicians, huh? That sucks.
--Bowrey Ballroom
Overheard by: Fifi
Like the British Invasion Itself
NYU chick as "Back in the USSR" plays: Why are they playing so much 80s music?
NYU dude: It's cool, it's The Beatles.
NYU chick: Such a weird song, like Russia's all great or something.
NYU dude: I think it's supposed to be ironic.
--Bleecker & Broadway
All I Did Was Buy Her That Apartment.
Guy #1: Remember that whore you were pissing on?
Guy #2: She was not a whore. Can we just clear that up now? She was just a horny Asian girl.
Guy #3: Well, if you kissed her and didn't pay her, she's not technically a whore.
Guy #2: Right.
--9th St & 3rd Ave
As Kind of a "Welcome to the Neighborhood"
Hispanic guy to tall guy passing by: Pssst!
(tall guy turns head without stopping)
Tall guy: No, thanks. (keeps walking and Hispanic guy starts following him)
Hispanic guy: Psssssst!
(tall guy stops at door, opens it)
Hispanic guy: Oh, you live here. I live over there. Why don't you let me suck your dick?
--35th & 9th
Overheard by: Brad
Tonight's Movie: Big Trouble in Little Intestine
Young boy to mother: You poop too much. You poop all the time.
Mother: But everyone poops all the time. It's good to poop. People who don't poop are in trouble because they are constipated.
--Food Coop, Park Slope
Overheard by: Sometimes I'm in trouble too
M'am, That's Kind of Why He's in This Line-up in the First Place
Girl #1: What do you think?
Girl #2: Oh! He's kind of cute...except he looks kind of like a serial killer.
--Le Royale, West Village
Overheard by: Pierre Pierre
Headline by: Elise
Runners-Up:
· "Bloodstains Will Do That" - benji
· "Exactly What the Dexter Ads Were Aiming For" - Peter
· "Gossip Between Jurors at the Ted Bundy Trial" - ted bundy
· "OMG! If He Asks Me Out, I'll Just Die!" - juls
· "The Hockey Mask Is a Nice Touch, Though." - Sandy Paws
· "To Be Fair, She Said That About Almost Every Guy Tammy Set Her Up With Who Happened to Have a Swatstika Tattoo on His Forehead" - Rebecca Loeser
· "What With the Clown Make-up and All" - BabakganoosH
· "Why Girls Like Cats" - lucyconnuk
· "You Know, Kind Of a Lady Killer Type, Ya Know?" - c
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
I Don't Think This Is the Netherlands
Tourist #1: Are we in New York?
Tourist #2: I hope so.
--82nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Native New Yorker
Instead of Just My Socks, Like Usual
Guy promoting comedy club: Hey ladies, you like comedy? Fuck Broadway, they're all run and acted by terrorists.
Girl passing by: Yeah? Well, if Jennifer Garner and Kevin Kline are terrorists I'll eat my own pants in Times Square!
--Broadway
Here, Have Some Cocaine and Move It!
Businesswoman, trying to pass woman down narrow sidewalk: Excuse me, you are walking very slowly.
Slow woman: I'm not in a rush.
Businesswoman: Where do you think you are, Connecticut?
--Fulton b/w Cliff & Gold
Overheard by: Zach
Wednesday One-Liners Powder Their Noses
Female suit in bathroom stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (pauses, makes bathroom noises) Okay, well, I need it today. Listen...okay...(pauses, more bathroom noises) Great! (pauses, toilet flushes) No, it's okay, go ahead. (pauses) Okay, no, I'm really sorry--I'm just entering the subway, that's what all that noise was. (storms out of the bathroom, doesn't wash her hands)
--34th St & 9th St
Flustered 50-something suit: It's burning! It's burning!
--Penn Station Bathroom
Man in stall: There should be a law against what's coming out of me.
--25th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: I agree
Suit in bathroom on cell: Honey, I can't talk to you right now. (pause) I'm in the bathroom! (pause) I've got a fucking dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?
--Restroom, Grand Central
Six-year-old kid, finishing at urinal: Shake the weasel!
--Men's Room, Regal Battery Park City Cinemas
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Wednesday One-Liners Are Great--Just Ask Them
Guy: I finally found someone who's as crazy about me as I am!
--1st Ave & 2nd St
Young guy to girlfriend: Sometimes I listen to myself and I think, "How do I know *so much* about marketing?"
--Downtown E Train
Guy to friend in movie theater, just before movie starts: Dude, my blog post today was *so* good.
--Loews Theater, 34th St
Girl: I'm attractive and I have a lot of friends!
--PATH Train
Overheard by: tb
Girl to friends: Hey guys... I'm really glad we're us. Or else I'd be really jealous of us.
--West Village
Overheard by: Max
Wednesday Ugliners
Employee: I was eatin' with my fried Okra and I vomited all over your fetus...and that's why you're so ugly.
--The Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: Dazzle
Girl on cell: Oh, please! That bitch is ugly and her cooch probably smells too, he can have her! Because I don't need him or his greasy ass head or pencil dick. (pause) What? Oh, fuck you also! (hangs up and storms off)
--Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Rich
Serious gay black man on phone: Oh, please honey...there are just so many ugly white women in Europe...it's got to be something in the water!
--45th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Culturally Challenged
20-something guy on cell: She ain't the prettiest bitch, but she got these crazy little hands.
--Throop & Macon, Bedford-Stuyvesant
Overheard by: elephantgiraffe
Hipster girl: I have ugly friends. I just don't hang out with them on weekends.
--McCarren Park Pool
Overheard by: I don't hang out with ugly people
Attractive tween to friends: And then Lindsay's aunt came into the bathroom to comfort us and said, "pretty people always get blamed for things ugly people do."
--W 65th St. & Columbus Ave
Mr. Yankovic's Wednesday One-Liners
Random white male on cell: People thought I was weird as shit in high school... Cause I hung out with all the black people!
--Washington Square Park
Uptown girl: This place is...this is weird.
--St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Emily B.
Girl: She was weird. She had, like, a Midwestern accent or something. I think she was from Maine.
--Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Tattooed 20-something girl: He's such a weirdo; I had to ask six times for his urine.
--J Train
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Chick on cell: He's had his dick in me, but I worry it would be out of line to Facebook friend him. Modern life is so weird.
--Columbia University
Wednesday One-Liners Buy Hardware for Their Software
Large black lesbian to friends going into a sex shop: I don't wanna see no dildos unless I'm being fucked!
--Greenwich Village
Overheard by: J.D.
Mormon girl, loudly agreeing with friend: Yeah, I know, I know! I didn't even know what a dildo was until I got here! Like, freshman year!
--Outside Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: But what about a vibrator?
Loudest black girl in group of loud black teens: What I recommend, to every fuckin' nigga, is the vibratin' cock ring.
--14th St, Outside Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Now curious about cockrings
Loud tourist girl: But Susan's butt-plug was only $75.
--Orchard & Rivington
Overheard by: MattyB
Man with thick Brooklyn accent on cell: I got the thing...yes the fuckin thing for the thing...yes, but I'm tellin' you the fuckin thing is definitely not big enough for her.
--31st St & 7th Ave
30-something woman to friend: So, between the time I got back from the meeting and the time you called me, I used my vibrator three times. (pauses and realizes everyone on the train is listening) Oh. Did I say that really loudly?
--D Train
Wednesday One-Liners Get Schooled
Professor: So what do we know about these debt notes?" (silence) So what do *I* know about these debt notes, that obviously you don't know?
--NYU Law School
Overheard by: Ames
Professor: My favorite words to hear are "just do nothing." My second favorites are "open bar."
--College of Mount Saint Vincent, Bronx
Environmental history professor: Look at some of the items on this menu from a hotel of Chicago Thanksgiving dinner from 1872: loin of buffalo, antelope steak in mushroom sauce, ham of bear, black tail deer, leg of mountain sheep, buffalo tongue... Miss Palin, your table is ready.
--Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Linguistics professor, about Spanish-speaking families who live in Spanish-speaking neighborhoods: The only English these people hear is from their landlords and social workers.
--NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Latka Hero
NYU professor: So we're going to be walking, and you'll notice I walk pretty fast. But we're in New York, and you're supposed to walk like you know exactly where you're going in life and nothing is in your way. Because if you slow down you'll get mugged. (beat) It's dog eat dog, people.
--NYU Classroom
Russian literature professor: Oh my god, you just totally missed the point of Jesus!
--NYU Classroom
Wednesday One-Liners Clean Everything Up Before Their Parents Get Back
Black woman in trashy outfit: And he said "But the party just started, bitch, I'll take you in a few hours!" and I was like, "Nigga please! My water just broke!"
--Lower East Side
Asian bimbo on cell: I just spoke to Percy and allegedly they threw a party after we were fired, to celebrate us getting fired...but we're people too.
--181 & St Nicholas
Overheard by: must not have liked you
Hipster girl: My all-time dream is to be shot by the cobra snake at a party, with a cig in my hand and Paul* between my thighs.
--NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Dayn
Tattooed guy on iPhone: Yeah, I'm bringing a 250-foot Slip 'N Slide!
--7th & 13th St
Overheard by: can I come to that party?
Loud man on cell: Yo, son! Why didn't you invite to your party? Damn...c'mon! Remember that time the chick in a wheelchair was working us in the cab? Yeah, she was in a wheelchair! Remember we got a cab for her and put her in the cab? That's right--that was me! She was giving us both head.
--BBQ Restroom, 8th Ave, Chelsea
20-something woman: Wait...when is it a rule to give the host a handjob?
--Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Jazz
Wednesday One-Liners Dig Deuteronomy
Old Jewish woman at the start of Yom Kippur: I think god wants me to be in a theater rather than in temple.
--45th & 8th
Little boy to friend: It wasn't until last year that I realized that not everybody is Jews!
--Near Columbia
Overheard by: CSims
Gym receptionist discussing television series Mad Men: It's sexist against women...and Jews, too!
--10th & 7th
Overheard by: Zack
Elderly Jewish woman, in hushed voice, to elderly Jewish man: My rabbi is an atheist who lives in Israel! What can you say?
--Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Rabbi's Agnostic daughter
Goyish looking guy with toddler in stroller: Well, you know the Hebrews always like to celebrate the New Year--especially in a year that ends in '69, if you know what I mean.
--Mercer & Broome
Overheard by: Garuda
Woman on cell: We're on the bus run by Hassidic Jews, ya know, like Woody Allen... It's like the Jewish express!... Nah, I'm covering up the phone so no one hears me.
--Vamoose Bus, Penn Station
Wednesday One-Liners Still Resent Giuliani
Hobo, walking quickly around a lady: You cannot fuck with a power walker!
--60th & 6th
Hobo on corner: Yo man, can I borrow like a hundred dollars plus tax?
--Outside Gray's Papaya
Panhandling teenager: I'm like Obama. I want change!
--Union Square
Overheard by: Canadian Girl
Hobo to self: I don't have anything against people with homes. Why, some of my very best friends have homes!
--E 35th & 6th Ave
Hobo to cops talking him away: Nah, man. I wasn't peeing on no stairs. What you don't understand is that I don't pee for anyone else, I pee for myself.
--145th Street Subway Station
Overheard by: Ben B.
Wednesday One-Liners Get Blotto Like Otto
Blonde to other: Don't worry, within like an hour you'll have Jameson running through your system.
--Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Girl on cell: I'm kind of hungover--I think that gin and tonic was a bad idea. I was already drunk, I don't know why I felt the need to have one... And then I went home and made scrambled eggs, and then I wrote a long email to Jen* about how good they were and then I read it this morning and I was like "I am such an idiot!"
--Broadway & Great Jones
Overheard by: Lillian
Sorority girl on cell: Well, I'm going to have some champagne, but it's not like I'm knocking back shots with the guys. (pause) Yeah, I know, I know, I'll be careful. (pause) Don't worry, mom, I've done worse drugs than drink before! (long pause) I don't want to talk about it. (long long pause) So...I'm going to go horseback riding!
--Broadway & 34th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Horsies Are Pretty
Bartender: Ladies and gentlemen! Don't run away from or by the bar! You have an hour to walk to your seats. Again, please do not run from the bar, run to it!
--Wicked, Broadway
Girl to friend: I only get tipsy enough to go into the Virgin Megastore...
--2nd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: Jonathan
Man to friend, about AA: Y'know, if I could drink like normal people, I'd get drunk every night.
--Central Park
Overheard by: John Tidyman
Girl to friend: When I told you to seize the moment I didn't know you were drunk!
--Times Square
Overheard by: Rebecca
Wednesday One-Liners for the Fine Young Cannibals
Hipster: Everyone I know is either married, divorced, gay or crazy.
--37th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Matthias Sundberg
Karaoke panhandler singing Gnarls Barkley: "Does that make me craaaaazy? Maybe I'm craaaaaazy!" It's Memorial Day and I'm sitting here singing to people I never met before in my life. Mmmmmm...craaaazy!
--Times Square Subway Station
Black woman to janitor companion: I am so glad I live in the ghetto. These motherfuckers down here are crazy! (companion nods) And I live in the ghe-tto, 2 train ghetto.
--22nd St & 5th Ave
Hobo, watching man and woman having sex against a statue: I think I'm going to have to move to Europe or something. This place is getting too crazy.
--Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Westsider
30-something guy on cell: Well, that's what my crazy sister said about my more crazy sister.
--Broadway & 114th St
Overheard by: mary e.
Little boy in abandoned shopping cart: I've gotta get off this crazy train!
--Target, Atlantic Ave
Wednesday One-Liners Lose Their Mittens
Large man on payphone: I'm gonna kill her, man! I'm gonna fuckin' kill her! Then I'm gonna kill my cousin! I'm gonna go back to my house, kill that bitch, get my fuckin kittens, and kill my cousin! I want my kittens, man!
--SoHo
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Father to kids: Which would you prefer, kitty casserole or puppy stew?
--72nd & Broadway
Suit: So one time I went into the bathroom and the cat was just like sitting on the toilet so I just unloaded on it. I told my roommate, like, "don't touch the cat" and then later I saw his girlfriend playing with it and hugging and kissing it. It was very funny.
--Downtown 6 Train
Upset-looking college student on cell: Ugh! My cat almost just died...and you're making this about your feelings?!
--Columbia Quad
Student: That's okay, I'll just eat my mom and fuck my cat.
--Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Toddlington
Student: Well, the situation in the essay is hopeless, you know? It's like finding a kitten in the subway and you want to take it with you because kittens just don't belong in the subway. But then you remember that you live in a building that doesn't allow pets and your roommate is allergic. So, your roommate is going to hate you and your landlord is going to evict you. I realize this is a bad example. I just really want a kitten.
--Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Colleen
Nah, You So Stinky.
Eccentric guy: Forget shopping, honey, let's go cuddle!
20-something girl: No, thanks.
Eccentric guy: Oh, you're so brave!
--Bleecker & 7th Ave
Where Hipsters Come From
Six-year-old girl, looking at upside down painting of a man's portrait: It's upside down!
Nine-year-old brother: Who says its upside down?
--MoMa
Overheard by: Jesse Benjamin
"Honesty Is the Best Policy"? Lies
White dude to passengers: Ladies and gentlemen, I don't normally do this. I just got out of jail and my family won't let me come back home. I am not a drug user or an alcoholic. I go back to work on Monday, please help me. I'm scared. I went to a shelter and I was beaten and had everything taken from me. I'm just trying to make enough to stay at the YMCA for the night. Anything you can do to help me...
Chica, yelling: Yo, my friend wants to know what you was in jail for!
White dude: Oh, I raped a girl.
--F Train
Overheard by: LZA
Is It Possible You Have Salmonella?
Husband to wife: Maybe we should go tanning today.
Wife: Why? Are we going somewhere?
Husband: No, it's just for you. You look fishy.
--W 4th & Thompson
He Ended Up in Times Square, and the Rest Is History
Cowboy wearing a Florida Rebel flag belt buckle: You should go back to your own country, or learn to speak English!
Girl leaving train: Have fun in the Bronx, cowboy!
--D Train
When Syllogisms Attack!
Guy #1: Left-handed people should all be incinerated.
Guy #2: Did you know that Gerald Ford would write left-handed when he was sitting at a desk, but...
Guy #1: That's why he died.
--Astor Place & Broadway
Overheard by: ...but right-handed on a chalkboard?
Excellent Strategy-- Refuse to Acknowledge Mockery
Male barista: Do you have any Tylenol?
Male cashier: No, sorry dude. I left my purse at home.
Male barista: Oh, so you probably left your Motrin in there too...you know, for your cramps.
Male cashier: No, dude, not Motrin. That's Midol.
--Starbucks
Overheard by: a med student
The City Has Something for Everyone
Large black girl: Damn, elephant dicks is so disgusting! I don't want no uncircumcised dicks! (to white guy walking by) I know you is circumcised, baby!
White guy (without slowing down): Long and cut.
Large black girl: Damn! I want me a dick like that!
--Outside Veniero's, 11th St
Overheard by: Just here for coffee
Kevin Was Finally Forced to Go Out for Coffee
Guy #1: Dude, I just totally saw my first dead guy!
Guy #2: Wow, how long have you lived here?
Guy #1: About two years.
Guy #2: Damn, it took you that long to see a dead guy? Have you ever stepped outside your apartment?
--Starbucks, Broadway
What Happened to the Freshman Fifteen?
Dad: Look at you!
Daughter: What's up?
Dad: You are a mere shadow of your former self.
--Barnard College
As Soon As the Wheels Leave the Ground, Push the Plunger on This Syringe
Mother to preteen daughter: Okay, just leave me alone now until we get in the air.
Daughter: Do you wanna hold my hand?
Mother: No, I don't wanna hold your hand. I have plenty of drugs and I just need to get in the zone.
--Inside Plane, LaGuardia
Overheard by: Pete
The Prayer Dr. Phil Says for Oprah Every Night
Black queer: Bitch, you better shut up, because Shana does so much more than you.
Fag hag: Oh no, I'm not dissing Shana at all--I love that bitch.
Black queer: I know, right? Shana is amazing. I'm so glad she's not dead.
Fag hag: Me too.
Black queer: So glad she's not dead. God bless her sassy black ass.
--1 Train
Do You Need a Big Brother?
30-year-old man: Hey, I don't do this very often but I need a date to the Mets game tomorrow. Here's my number.
Girl: Do you know how old I am?
30-year-old man: Um...
Girl: 17.
30-year-old man: Oh.
--5th & 48th
And My Wife's Ovulation Schedule
Bartender: Stay for another round?
NYU kid: What time do you close today?
Bartender: 4 am, same as every day. I have the schedule right here. I also have the AA schedule!
--Blarney Bar
Christopher Walken's Son Had an Unorthodox Childhood
Child: What's in there? (points to dad's briefcase)
Dad: In here? Guns, people's heads...
Child: Cool!
--Uptown M16 Bus
Or You Could Be, If You Didn't Have Such Dead Eyes in All Your Glamour Shots
Seven-year-old son of thug: I'm gonna be America's Next Top Model!
Thug dad: You kiddin' me?! You a baby. You America's next top baby.
--147th & Fredrick Douglas Blvd
Overheard by: Trixie
Have I Told This One Before?
Old drunk hobo to friends: Let me tell you guys a story. Back when I was breaking in to fucking cars this broad comes at me and takes me to this commune. Gotta be at least 50 hippies, everyone's fucking everyone, always blazed, I'm fucking everything that moves because I'm 18 and my dick is hard all the time, and all the women are walking around all fucking...
All friends together: Naked!
--4th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: rpk
Dog: If I Bit That Kid, I Could Die Happy
Boy: Look mommy, it's a doggy, it's going to say "ruff!"
(dog stares at boy)
Boy: Oh... It's not a ruff doggy...
Mom: No, honey, it's a sweet doggy.
Boy (wide eyed): It can say "sweet?"
--Washington Mews & University
Overheard by: Tyler
Then There's More to Love Than Originally Suspected!
Thug #1: You know that girl I told you about? Allison, the one I said you would fall in love with? That was her!
Thug #2: But she was fat!
--St. Mark's Place
Even More Fun Than Six Flags
Bearded man to hippie woman: I'm married, you're married, my ex-girlfriend's married, and we're holding hands!
Hippie woman: Weeeeee!
--University Place & 10th St
Overheard by: Murphy
Meet Johnny Camelseed
Guy #1 to guy #2, who has just dropped a cigarette: You just littered.
Guy #2: It was a cigarette, that's not trash!
--Fashion District
Putting a Horse Head in the Bed Simply Doesn't Do It Anymore
Female employee: Hey! Don't spray me with fucking Windex!
Male employee: Oh, calm down.
Female employee: No! That's a death threat where I come from.
Male employee: Where do you come from?
Female employee: ...Jersey.
--Ricky's, 3rd Ave
Headline by: Ogi
Runners-Up:
· "I Lost a Cousin in a Drive-by Spraying" - courtney c.
· "I Was Just Trying to Make It Easier for Me to See Right Through You" - not clear
· "Raise Your Hand If You Saw That One Coming" - engsci
· "Where Everything's a Death Threat." - BabakganoosH
· "Yet the Golden Shower Was Fine With Her" - nicky c
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Not Until You Stop Killing Cactuses
Boyfriend: We are not getting a Down's Syndrome pet!
Girlfriend: What?
Boyfriend: You know, a pet you buy when you're down. We're not getting one!
Girlfriend: But I feel vulnerable and want to exert my will over something.
Boyfriend: No!
--Outside Petland Discounts, W 23rd St
...on a Castle Bounce
Excited girl: Oh, look! A block party!
Other girl: Nope. That's a group of homeless people.
--92nd & 2nd
Stop Sending Me Self-Help Books and Cher Calendars
Guy #1, shouting to friend: Yo! Where have you been? We need to start!
Guy #2: No, man, I gotta go.
Guy #1: You're so gay.
Guy #2: I know. But that doesn't change anything. I have to get home.
Guy #1: Get back here! Now that you've admitted you're gay, you have to stay here so that we can all help you cope.
Guy #2: Sometimes I don't get you, dude.
--Stuyvesant High
A Howling Wilderness Where Celery Tonic Is Unknown
Construction worker taking coffee order: I don't think they have what you want at that deli.
Construction worker placing order: They have to have it. This is America, where do you think we are, Alaska?
--Construction Site, Bronx Zoo
How the Ceremony of Innocence Got Drowned
Guy #1: Dude, what the fuck is that shit on your hands?
Guy #2: It's only vaginal blood.
--Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Grossed out
Have You Considered a Freedom Fro?
Young black teen in a fight #1: Yo, your face look like a Dorito!
Young black teen in a fight #2: Yo, you look like a slave!
--Central Park
Overheard by: Angana
Oh Wait--It's Just Menstrual Fluid
Giggling drunk girl #1: Look! Someone spilled Kool-Aid all over that seat! Or at least I hope it's Kool-Aid.
Giggling drunk girl #2: It very well could be Hawaiian Punch.
Giggling drunk girl #1: I don't even want to know what happened if it was Hawaiian Punch!
--F Train
People Going Bananas and Everything
Large man yelling amidst Friday shopping crowds: Yeah, you best be walking on, you fucking gorilla! You a fucking gorilla bitch! That's right, a gorilla bitch! You holding back the race!
Hipster passing by: God, I missed my city.
--Union Square
Filed in the Dictionary Under "Hipster"
Boyfriend: That's why I like you: you're so unpretentious.
Girlfriend: I'm not unpretentious, I'm a reverse snob.
--Central Park
As an Added Bonus, He'll Remind All My Colleagues That Their Workday Could Be Worse
Woman: Hey, who's the kid?
Friend: Oh, he's coming with me for "Take Your Kid to Work Day."
Woman: I didn't know you had a son.
Friend: I don't. This is my nephew. He was stealing money from my purse, so I'm gonna make his life hell for a day.
15-year-old (sarcastically): Yeah, because any day I get to miss school is total hell for me.
Friend: Shut your hole or I'll leave you for the hobos!
--F Train
And I Was Drunk When I Did That
Very underage thugette: Look, they have a happy hour!
20-something thug: Shit, girl, you ain't old enough.
Very underage thugette: Nah, they won't check.
20-something thug: Yeah, they will--they'll kick you out and send me to jail.
Very underage thugette: But we're married!
--Outside Bar, Underhill Ave, Brooklyn
After I Whip You, We'll Get Baked
Husband: I would be the egg and you would be the quiche.
Wife: I am the quiche.
Husband: Aww, my little quichey!
--LaGuardia Airport
...Is That Why He Kept Accidentally Touching My Ass?
Girl #1: Oh my god! That man has an invisible dog leash!
Girl #2: What are you talking about? That is a blind man and his walking stick!
Girl #1: Oh.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Sara
This Is Why We Were Kicked Out Of Kansas, Honey
Bratty tourist child #1: Ow, she's hitting me! She's hitting me in my head!
Overwhelmed mom: Brittany*! Brittany*, stop that! Why would you do that?
Bratty tourist child #2, shoving #1: But mom, mom, she ignorant!
--Starbucks, 53rd & Broadway
Where Dance Meets the Gym Requirement
NYU chick: They do African dance together.
NYU dude (incredulous): he does African dance?
NYU chick: Yeah, he started taking it as a class in high school.
NYU dude: He took African dance in high school?
NYU chick: Well, he's from the Bay Area.
--Hummus Place, McDougal & W 3rd
Overheard by: sarrrah3000
Erika Would Have a Flashback to This Moment Years Later in a College Dorm Room
Little girl: Look at all the balls!
Dad: No! No! Don't touch them!
--79th & Lexington
Overheard by: chiggie
Babelfish Now Has a Ditz-to-English Option
Blonde girl: What time is it?
Guy: Quarter to eight.
Blonde girl: (looking confused)
Guy: It's seven forty-five.
--7th & Ave A
That's What the Tasers Are For
Friend #1: Go to the left.
Friend #2: I'm trying!
Friend #1: Don't try! Just push people!
--5th Ave & 49th St
Overheard by: autumn
She Still Thinks "Bad Moon on the Rise" Is "Bathroom on the Right"
Columbia chick #1: Damn, he's sexy in a right girl's island kind of way.
Columbia chick #2: Don't you mean "Rikers Island"?
--113th & Broadway
Just As Well--I Heard That Show Was Floundering
Woman #1: You should have seen it, over at The Little Mermaid, there were all these kids outside, just bawling.
Woman #2: Really? Is it that bad?
Man: No, they couldn't get in. Stagehands' strike.
Woman #2: Oh.
--Parking Garage, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
And a Fuel Injection System
Hipster boy to girl: After the internet age and the digital age, we are now entering the cyborg age.
Hipster girl to boy: Yeah, cyborgs are totally mainstream now. I saw a special on Fox News all about cyborgs and it was totally mainstream.
Hipster boy to girl: My brother has an insulin pump.
--F Train Platform
Overheard by: sadie
Your Editors Do Not Wish to Get Involved in This
Pilot: We are now arriving in at JFK airport in New York City, home of the Yankees.
Met fan: That's not right...(yelling) What about the Mets?
Pilot: No one cares.
Rest of passengers: (cheering)
--Jet Blue Flight
I Gotta Tell You, That Trash Can's Looking Pretty Good
Drunk chick: Apparently there are lots of guys here tonight who have slept with me that want to sleep with me again, and also a few here that have not slept with me that want to!
Friend: Really?
Drunk chick: Yeah! And it's a good thing I've changed, because if I hadn't, I'd be fucking everything in sight right now.
--Bathroom, Beer Garden in Astoria
Overheard by: ALi
Oh Wait-- Once I Had a Cobb Salad at the Guggenheim
Pretty lady: Are you telling me that the all the times you've ever been to New York, you've never been to a museum?
Foreigner: No.
Pretty lady: What the hell is wrong with you? How do you spend your time in the city?
Foreigner: Macy's and Bloomingdale's!
--6 Train
Also Why They Bathe Together.
Asian stoner #1: He was whitish. Wait, no, he was white. He and his brother both smoke pot and his parents do too. They even smoke together some times.
Asian stoner #2: So they, like, smoke together and stuff?
Asian stoner #1: Yeah, it's a good way to save money.
--B6, Brooklyn
Overheard by: laughing to himself
That Gives You a Card and Has Some Complicated Decimal System?
Brainy guy: I don't think I'm going to buy any books next semester.
Ditzy girl: So what do you expect to do, rent them from some sort of free book rental company?
--Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Vitamin C Gets Me So Hot
Queer #1: I think it looks too much like a cucumber.
Queer #2: I know...that's why I like it.
(both laugh dirtily)
--The Guggenheim
But Do "The Pee Pee Dance" for My Amusement, and We'll Talk
Desperate lady walking in diner: Can I use your bathroom?
Diner guy: Bathrooms are for customers only.
Desperate lady: I'll give you ten dollars.
Diner guy: Bathrooms are for customers.
Desperate lady: I'm desperate.
Diner guy: You can talk to the manager.
Desperate lady to manager: Can I use your bathroom?
Manager: Bathrooms are for customers.
Desperate lady: I'll give you ten dollars.
Manager: I don't need ten dollars.
--Diner, Chelsea
Overheard by: stephie
We Used to Throw Bottles, But Why Waste Good Liquor?
Hispanic mother with child on Halloween, to liquor store vendor: You got candy?
Vendor: No, no candy.
Mother to child: Know what happens when they don't got no candy baby? They get egged.
--Liquor Store, 12th St & Ave A
Now Let's Find a Hobo to Pee on Your Leg
Tourist mom: Oh, look, it's a rat! Come here kids, look, it's a rat!
Tourist kid: Eww, its gross!
Tourist mom: Remember this, this is an authentic New York City experience. See, aren't you glad we missed that subway?
--Bowling Green Station
Overheard by: Guy
...Plus Another Fifty Days of Walking
Chick #1: We should go to Montreal some time.
Chick #2: My friend was telling me about this trip he took to Canada. It was like seven hours on the Long Island Rail Road.
--N Train
Though, in Unrelated News, I Know a Great Way to Get Out Blood Stains
English teacher, discussing Huckleberry Finn: So, how does Huck make the distinction between the "right thing" and the "clean thing"?
Ditzy Asian girl: Well...it's like...when you're murdering someone and you strangle them instead of stabbing them.
--Stuyvesant High School
Disney's Going After North Korea Next
Brown girl: Oh my god, did you see the new Cheetah Girls movie? The one where they go to India? It's so offensive!
White friend: To what? Cheetahs?
Brown girl: Brown people?
--Stuyvesant High School
We'll Be Like, "That Was Sad. What's for Dinner?"
Midwestern tourist dad: Next we're going to the Empire State Building.
Six-year-old daughter: How far is it? Do we have to walk?
Midwestern tourist dad: Yes, it'll be fun.
Six-year-old daughter (in super whiny voice): Why? It's too far, I don't wanna walk!
Midwestern tourist dad: It'll be fun, we'll see the sights along the way.
Six-year-old daughter (on the verge of a tantrum): But I don't wanna!
Midwestern tourist dad (in very calm and soothing voice): Well, you can walk with us, or you can just lay down and die.
--5th Ave & 38th St
Bratz Plastic Surgery's Kinda Disturbing
Bro #1: There's this weird-looking kinda hot girl that gets on the elevator with me all the time. I finally figured out how to describe her: She looks like a hot fetus.
Bro #2: I know exactly who you're talking about!
--Columbia University
They Misunderstood About 'Speed Dating'
Guy #1: They're very...urgent.
Guy #2: Very ADD. Very ADHD.
Guy #1: Very OCD.
Guy #2: Very ASAP. Like, Ay-SAP.
Guy #1: Coked up!
--R Train
Overheard by: Eyeteeth
Is It Too Late to Apologize for Mooning You?
Black girl #1: Damn, girl! You're hairy! I dunno if it's cause I'm light-skinned, you're hairy!
Black girl #2: Thanks. Thanks... (walks away)
Black girl #1: You're like a werewolf!
--H&M Dressing Room, Queens Center Mall
Overheard by: hoping shes not a werewolf too...
And for My Brother, Whose Heart You Broke
Woman to boyfriend: You're jealous, aren't you? Why are you jealous?
Boyfriend: I'm not jealous, I'm just sad for myself.
--14th b/w 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Xtine
Just Send Me a Fax
Hobo #1: Hey, how's it going?
Hobo #2: Okay.
Hobo #1: I'll call you tonight!
Hobo #2: I don't have a phone.
Hobo #1: I know.
--Astoria
Overheard by: Natalie
How Can You Still Say That After Hearing Me Sing 'Respect'?
Four-year-old: Mooooom! I want deseeeeeert!
Yuppie mom: No, sweetie, you didn't finish your sandwich.
Four-year-old: You have no soul!
--Whole Foods, TriBeCa
Overheard by: Has Cookies
Thanks, GEICO!
Hipster guy: I'm really glad your vagina decided to stop throwing up!
Girl: I know! I saved $600 on abortion fees!
--AMC Theatre, 42nd St
Or Some Sort Of Art Installation?
Woman buying camping equipment: Hi, I was wondering if you have any sleeping bags.
Clerk: Um, this is New York, we're not so big on camping. Is this for a photo shoot?
--Army Surplus Store
And You Could Change Your Motto to "To Protect and Sever"
Drunk guy to cop with nightstick: Ya' know what, you all should get like lightsabers and shit.
Cop: That would be fun.
Drunk guy: Yeah, I'd never fuck with you guys again.
--Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: jimmy
Unfortunately, They Also Like to Make Generalizations About Us.
Young black girl: What are all them white people doing all the way up here?
Young black girl's mother: White folk like to drink out of little cups and sit outside with them bug-eyed sunglasses on Sundays.
--Café, Lenox & 119th
Not "I'll Fuck You" Good, But Good Nonetheless
Construction worker #1 to hot girl: Damn baby, did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven?
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes)
Construction worker #2: Your name must be Candy 'cause you look so sweet!
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes again, laughing a little)
Construction worker #3: Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
Hot girl (laughs hysterically): That's gotta be the best I've ever heard!
--65th & Broadway
Overheard by: Right to the point. Nice.
Nine Times Out of Ten They'll Guess Idaho
Middle aged white woman: You know, if you're not communicating with someone you can't just stick a potato up their ass and expect them to know where you're coming from.
Middle aged ponytail guy: True, true.
--Broadway Station Bar, Astoria
We've Both Agreed to Raise a Spitter
Father-to-be: So my wife won't give me head no more.
Friend: Why? Just cuz she's pregnant?
Father-to-be: Yeah. She keeps saying anything she eats the baby eats, and she don't want it eating my jizz.
--N Train
Overheard by: bill
One of Them Gave a Ride to Jackie Paper and Everything
Hip gay teen girl #1: But she doesn't like fantasy!
Hot gay teen girl: Well, I don't like fantasy either, like I don't like Dungeons and Dragons, or dinosaurs, or anything.
Hip gay teen girl #2: But...dinosaurs were real.
--NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Samwell
The Highest-Rated GMA Broadcast Ever
Tourist man: Yeah, this is ABC studios. They film Good Morning America here.
Tourist woman: Really? (cups her eyes and peers into the studios through the glass)
Rest of family: Wow! That's amazing! (they start taking photos of the empty studio)
--Outside ABC Studios
Overheard by: Amazing!
Headline by: Aidan
Runners-Up:
· "...And If You'll Look Across the Street, You'll Notice a Lovely, Blue Honda Civic" - Prashant
· "And Yet...the Content Of the Show Was No Different" - jason
· "I Love Morning!" - Sandy Paws
· "If You Listen Hard Enough You Can Hear Al Roker Laughing at His Own Jokes." - Nicole
· "Tour Groups For The Blind Really Can Be Quite Cruel." - alex
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
He's Now the Troop Expert on How to Pitch a Tent
Ghetto woman: She raped a 12-year-old boy?
Ghetto man: Yeah, she just opened the door and grabbed him and started fucking him.
Ghetto woman: Damn, that nigga probably went back and told all the Boy Scouts!
--6 Train
Overheard by: Skyler Fox
Slows Me Down on the Bike
Bike messenger #1: Education is so fucking overrated. Honestly, the worst mistake I ever made.
Bike messenger #2: Uhhh...
Bike messenger #1: Serious fucking waste of time.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Neilium
And We Can Charge Admission
Blonde girl, looking up at bridge: The Brooklyn Bridge can blow me.
Brown haired girl: Ugh! Word!
--South Street
Overheard by: how does that work?
Wiisday One-Liners
Guy, getting his hair cut: So I spent $150 more than I would have if I got the Wii in the store, 'cause my wife said, "If I don't get Guitar Hero, I will divorce you."
--SoHo
Dork: Don't call it a Gameboy...you're downgrading my PSP.
--The Village
Small Asian kid, pounding the computer mouse in frustration: Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego?!
--Chinese School
40-year-old guy with ten-year-old kid, to GameStop employee: Excuse me, I'm thinking of buying GTA for my son. Is there a way to turn off the profanity?
--GameStop, Park Ave
Overheard by: Jake C.
Angry guy to girlfriend: Look, I get the whole not wanting to have public sex thing, but I don't know if I can be with someone who won't play Wii.
--43rd & Madison
Wednesday One-Liners Will Slap You Like a Red-Headed Stepchild
Woman on cell: Shut up! Shut up! I'm going to punch you in the face! I love you.
--A Bus
Spanish chick: Two things can't happen tonight. One, I can't get in a fight tonight. Two, I can't see nobody I don't like.
--5th Ave & 11th St, Park Slope
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Homeless, burnt-out surfer lady: Then I looked up, and this cunt is about to hit me like a man!
--139th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jesse Cromer
Guy to girl: The next time your parents chuckle at my misfortunes, I'm gonna kick 'em in the nuts. I'm gonna kill 'em!
--20th St & 5th Ave, Brooklyn
Jamaican conductor over PA: Don't move between cars while the train is in motion. I don't want to have to knock you the fuck out.
--1 Train
Overheard by: Got Knocked Out
When You Wednesday Upon a One-Liner, It Makes No Difference Who You Are
Guy walking by himself: I wish everybody who is not mentally ill would just drop dead!
--9th St, Park Slope
Overheard by: Rear Admiral Butts
Guy (admiringly, to attractive girl passing by): Damn, girl, I wish you were a guy!
--14th St & 1st Ave
Ditzy girl to another, about her boyfriend: He's teaching himself philosophy right now. He bought a philosophy dictionary. He can do that, you know, because he's so smart. I wish I could do that!
--Astoria
Overheard by: squarehand
Young guy to girl: Dude, I wish Dali was still around so he could do my album.
--Museum of Modern Art
Overheard by: Gino
Serious girl: I wish I had gotten the ovaries!
--Korean Baptist Church, Astoria
Overheard by: Evan
It's Wednesday One-Liners, Paleface!
Guy to friend: When Obama wins, I'm going to slap a white person.
--Central Park Bench
Overheard by: Lane
Lady getting sprayed with perfume by her friend: Stop. Stop it! You gonna make me smell like white people.
--East Drive, Prospect Park
Overheard by: White smelly jogger
Black gay man sans shirt, upon seeing group of white girls wandering: Oh my god, white girls! Oh, I didn't mean it like that.
--Christopher St
Gentleman walking past Miss Mamie's Spoonbread Too restaurant: Man, black people eating tofu, white people eating spoonbread...
--W 110th & Columbus
Gingy, referring to ebony colored condoms: This way, when I fuck a white boy he'll still be black!
--E Broadway 99 Cent Store
Black lady in african garb: Too many white flower! Need more black power! (the only white girl around looks up confusedly, now black lady screams in her face) White flower!
--125th & Adam Clayton Powell
Overheard by: Ruby
Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Subway Sandwiches
Lost-looking chick on cell: Why do they always fuck with the trains on weekends? Don't they know there are stoned people trying to get home?
--Subway Platform, Grand Central
Overheard by: Poogtastic
Loudspeaker dispatcher lady: Hey you! Uptown number 5! You better stop sticking your head out the window and answer me on the radio!
--Uptown 4,5,6 Train, Union Square
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
Elegant gentleman, as train starts to depart station: Oh, I didn't realize the train was going to move.
--Crowded Uptown 1 Train
MTA announcement: The uptown 1 train is running.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Krisztina
Dispatcher: The arriving train will be the next train. The arriving train will be the next train.
--G Train, Court Square
Overheard by: Katrink
Old man: I'm coming, train. I'm coming. I'm coming, train, you son of a bitch bastard!
--6 Train
The More the Merrier, Wednesday One-Liners!
Elderly woman sipping wine: Three girls and one guy? Sounds like a good time!
--Queens
Overheard by: amused cashier
Dude on cell: Hey bro, whatcha doing? Oh, yeah? What about your friend, does he like doing that? Does he like it a lot? Do you think I can come over? Well, then we can all do that together, a lot. (sees people looking at him) I'll talk to you later, bro.
--Church St Post Office
Overheard by: deshaunicus
Serious girl: And then they asked for a three-way, but a tasteful one.
--15th St & 5th Ave
Middle aged woman to friend: I just got this bike seat but I have to return it. I was riding around on it yesterday and when I woke up this morning, I felt like I'd been gang-banged by the Pittsburgh Steelers.
--Bike Shop, 12th St & Ave B
20-something chick: I am *so* over threesomes. There's just too much going on!
--Weight Room, Coles Gym
Overheard by: M.F.
White chick in sundress: I'm too naive for their kind of orgies.
--Dallas BBQ, 165th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk guy at bar: I have to pee, but first I have one word for you: threesome.
--Crocodile Lounge
Looking for a Date, Wednesday One-Liners?
White guy to friend: Do they eat Thai hookers? I'd eat a Thai hooker.
--47th & Lexington
30-something pudgy guy: So this girl was eyeing me the whole night, and it turns out she was a prostitute! And I was like, "Man! I thought she really liked me!"
--Bleecker St & 6th Ave
Girl in tight purple dress and too much makeup, shouting to friend: I am not a prostitute. I'm a ho!
--Phone Booth, Coney Island
Overheard by: not going there
Mom to son: I'm not a two-dollar hooker! More like a...hundred thousand dollar one.
--Park Ave
Elderly man to another: You just can't run a country like a whorehouse.
--12th St & Ave A
Girl on cell: You stole my secret prostitute name!
--7th Ave & LeRoy St
How Many One-Liners Are in a Wednesday? Show Your Work
Serious hipster girl: There is a nine-out-of-ten percent chance she won't call, but there is a one percent chance she will.
--L Train
Overheard by: Kansas
Grad student: You slept with him? This is not a good data-point.
--Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Serious 20-something: You know pi? Like 3.14? You could shave the symbol into your pubes and you'd have hair pi.
--Coffe Bar Lounge
Student: Math chicks aren't the most glorious specimens of femininity.
--Shake Shack
Overheard by: Mary Elizabeth
Young man to friend: If you add it up, it's a lot of money. But when you do the math, it's not really that much money.
--Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Joy
Older cousin to younger cousin: How are you going to be rich if you don't like math? Rich people are good at math. They have to count their money.
--Stuyvesant Square
Overheard by: Peanut
Girl complaining to math teacher: No, you don't understand. I can't multiply past six.
--Marymount Manhattan College
Overheard by: Austin G.
The Passion of the Wednesday One-Liner
Tourist lady on cell: Well, the last I heard she wasn't even sure what her relationship with Jesus is anymore.
--Starbucks, 42nd & 8th
Annoyed dressed-up girl to friend: I mean, I'm not hating on Jesus. It's just that he's not my man like he's your man. I don't hop into bed with him every night!
--25th St & 7th Ave
Woman walking by street dancers: By the dangling testes of Christ on the cross!
--Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Lauren
Curly-haired chick: You've found *other* people's fatal flaws--baggage, Jesus, etcetera.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: Poogins
NYU student: Well, you know things always get complicated when Jesus comes into the picture.
--Cooper Square
Controversial professor: Does anyone have anything nice to say about Jesus, that poor son of a bitch?
--Columbia University
Wednesday One-Liners-- What the Fudge?
Professor, to deaf student's interpreter: Do you deal with "fuck" and "shit" and all that?
--Pratt Institute
Mother to bickering daughters: Let me tell you something: you two bags are the only motherfuckers I got left!
--21st St & 35th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Daniel Boris Dzula
Young woman in burqa on cell: And Jesus Christ! What the fuck was that bitch thinking?
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: ABrooklynBaby'sNanny
Girl on cell: And he said, "I am trying to learn here!" and I said, "fuck you!"
--112 & Broadway
Overheard by: Nathan
Hobo: I was in Nantucket when I lost my bucket! Then I said, "fuck it!"
--Union Square
Overheard by: Stacy
Woman crying to friend: I don't want to do the fucking SAG Awards!
--Bryant Park
Wednesday One-Liners for LeVar Burton
Chipper, young, possibly gay guy with afro to random woman, after switching seats and moving closer: Sorry to bother you, but I just had to tell you this. I have this book of all these, like, African kings and queens and princesses and stuff. And I just had to tell you that you look just like one of the African queens in it. Like, just like her! Oh, I wish I had the book with me! I would show her to you.
--Q Train
Overheard by: katiek
Super-irate hippie chick in braids, yelling on cell: Thanks to you, everyone thinks I'm a fucking freak. Everyone looks at me like I'm fucking Pearl from the fucking Scarlet Letter!
--Court St & Bergen
Overheard by: Siobhan
Young deli clerk on phone, in confidential tones: William Shakespeare! Shakespeare!
--4th Ave & Bergen St, Boerum Hill
Cockeyed old man in hat to Strand employee: Where are the regular books?
--Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway
Annoying rich girl to friend: So I got a library card so I can read more, but then I realized that I don't like used things and I stopped going.
--Bookstore, 71st St & Lexington
Girl (outside of her AP English classroom): Wait...Huck Finn never had syphilis!
--Stuyvesant High School
Woman to friend helping her find a book: You don't have to worry about giving away the ending. I know what happens to those six million people.
--The Strand
Wednesday One-Liners Thank God for Their Piggy Banks
Little boy,jumping up and down: The Dow Jones is up! The Dow Jones is up!
--86th & Lexington
Overheard by: Some Random Girl
Crazy man, shouting at no one in particular: Fuck the economy, your asshole just dropped 200 points!
--8th Ave & 19th St
Slacker on a smoke break: Yeah, McCain said he is going to suspend his campaign so that he can work on the economy. I mean, really. It would be like me saying I'm suspending my pot distribution so that I can work on quantum physics.
--Forest Ave., Staten Island
Overheard by: political listener
Hobo on subway to man in suit: Spare change? Anyone? Spare change for the homeless? You look like you worked for Lehman Brothers, you're excused.
--51st St
Overheard by: Kate
Who Gets Medical Testing on Vacation?
Four-year-old boy: What's taking so long?
Mom: Well, you know how today you have a vacation from school? Well, a lot of other people have a vacation from work.
(very long pause)
Four-year-old boy: That's crap.
--Waiting Room, LabCorp in Bayside
Overheard by: Mary
Or We Could Go for Fro-Yo
Drunk girl #1: You can buy the morning after pill with your ID now!
Drunk girl #2: Yeah, I was think about buying a hamster from PETCO now that I'm old enough!
--3rd Ave & 13th St
At Which Point, the Party's Over Before It's Begun
Woman #1: They're teaching sex ed in school. But he wasn't understanding what "menstruation" was, so I told him it was like throwing a party, and you put up decorations and make a cake, but no one shows up so you tear it all down and throw it away.
Woman #2: That's clever.
Woman #1: And that premature ejaculation is when everyone shows up to the party two hours too early while you're still getting ready.
--Bench, Central Park
Overheard by: Rebecca
We're Descended from Thomas Jefferson
History teacher: And who wrote the Declaration of Independence?
White girl: Thomas Jefferson.
Black boy: Oh, I was gonna say "George Jefferson."
Black girl: "George Jefferson" is the name of the chicken place by your house, fool!
--LaGuardia Arts High School
Overheard by: George Jefferson
Explains Why She Always Got Me Blacklight Posters for Christmas
Girl #1: Oh... I love that smell...smells like my grandma's garden.
Girl #2: Huh? I smell marijuana.
Girl #1: Oh... (long silence)
--Union Square
A Meeting of the Spring Street Young Republicans Club
Guy #1: Women should be kept in pods like in The Matrix. And whenever we want one, we just pay a fee and rent them for a few days for sex and cooking. Then we put them back. They shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets...ever.
Guy #2: Or they should be put in a one big room where they sew and cook and sip tea until they get a call.
Guy #1: Yeah, that's a bit more humane, I guess.
--Spring & Varick
Law & Order Finally Begins to Run Thin on Plot Scenarios
Tourist: We're jaywalking in front of a policeman!
Policeman: Heh.
--Jackson Heights
Overheard by: pop pop
Even at Bed, Bath and Beyoobies?
Two-year-old boy, pointing at dinnerware: Boobies?
Mother, pushing him inside shopping cart: No.
Two-year-old boy, pointing at pots: Boobies?
Mother, pushing him inside shopping cart: No.
Two-year-old boy, pointing at woman: Boobies?
Mother, pushing him inside shopping cart: Yes, but that's rude.
--Bed Bath & Beyond
Bet You Don't Even Salute the Baby When You Walk Into a Room
Chick, leaning on wall holding baby: Yo, lemme get a cigarette?
Guy, walking out of the train station: Nah, not with that baby in your hand.
Chick: Pssh, I'm not pregnant.
Guy: Not with that baby in your hand, that's disrespectful.
--Queens Boulevard
Overheard by: A Good Reason Not to Have Kids
Who Holds the Patent on Alizarian Crimson
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, so she has her own nail business now. You know, she mixes her own colors and everything.
Hipster girl #2: Yeah, kind of like Satan.
--79th & Broadway
Sung to the Tune of "If I Were a Rich Man"
Hobo #1: If I was a robot, see...
Hobo #2: Yeah, yeah...a robot!
--91st & 5th
Overheard by: Adam
Nobody Respects a Wimpy Whiner, Y'know
Teen: I'll get us a cab.
Grandma: Let's just walk, it's only a few blocks from here.
Teen: Are you sure? What about your hip?
Grandma: Well, it hurts, dear, but I'm not going to be a pussy about it.
--57th St
He Says I Always Smell Skanktastic
Chick #1: It smells like bathroom deodorizer in here.
Chick #2: I was spraying so much cheap perfume on my crotch today that my roommate finally came in and told me to stop. I was so nervous because I'm meeting my ex-boyfriend later, and the cheap stuff doesn't last long.
--Bedford Ave
Overheard by: akesmith
Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds Didn't Always Get Along During the Filming Of Singin' in the Rain
Disgruntled woman: You know, you could take someone's eye out if you're not careful with that umbrella.
Umbrella-wielding man, cheerily: That is perfectly okay!
--Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Lysa
Parenthood, in a Nutshell
Small boy: I want to go downtown!
Patient mother: We are going downtown.
Small boy: I want to go uptown!
--Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Lucky 13
Hispanic woman #1: That old man goes from woman to woman. I mean, if you can get your little wormie to work, why not right?
Hispanic woman #2: I know! He has so many women coming in and out of his apartment. It's like he's 13 again.
--Staten Island Ferry
Or in Your Case, Like Buying Skincare Products
Metro male #1: I was gonna stop smoking...again... But when I take Adderall I smoke a lot more.
Metro male #2: What's it like?
Metro male #1: Adderall?
Metro male #2: Yeah.
Metro male #1: It's like being at a bar, drunk, hitting on girls.
Metro male #2: What?
--Spring & Broadway
Overheard by: David Last
How Mike and Larry Got Fired from Their Job As Olympic Commentators
Man #1: I feel like with this new Speedo shit it's unfair, they're all breaking world records. They should swim in the nude, so it's fair. Plus, you could see their dongs.
Man #2: Michael Phelps' dong! That's why I like basketball, because they all wear shorts and you can at least see a outline.
--The Abbey Bar
Overheard by: Robyn Stegman
Now C'mon, Let's Go Get Your Tubes Tied
Girl #1: I don't understand why parents are upset when babies die...it's not like they've accomplished anything.
Girl #2: I think there's more to it than that.
--Howard Ave, Staten Island
I'd Totally Punch Him If My Triceps Weren't Sore from All the Gold-Digging
Mom with stroller: It's not the strippers I'm mad about, it's the 1,200 dollars.
Friend: Totally.
Mom with stroller: He could have bought me the diamond earrings I've been wanting with that.
Friend: Oh, the little diamond studs you keep talking about? I love those.
--7th Ave & Bleecker
Overheard by: John E
And It Fits Me Like a Glove!
Person #1: New suit?
Person #2: No, I got cancer.
--Broadway
Trans Day at Shea
Drunk guy #1: Alright, just saying, if all of us and our friends were chicks, who would get a boob job?
Drunk guy #2: Oh, definitely Mike*. You know, I would definitely say him. He's pretty vain.
(two innings and many beers later)
Drunk guy #1: Alright, if we all were chicks, who'd be clean shaven?
Drunk guy #3: It'd be Steve*. I mean, he already manscapes!
--Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Number 6
Headline by: stephie
Runners-Up:
· "Alright, If We All Were Chicks, What Base Would You Go to With Me?" - Rosie
· "And Which One Would Go Lesbian With Me?" - Meredith
· "And to Answer Your Next Question, Frank Already Does Anal So....." - I'd shave too.
· "How We Ended Up Giving One Another Head, But Not in a Gay Way" - Rionn Fears Malechem
· "Then Raise Your Beers and Answer Me This, "Who Would Swallow?"" - Bobo D Clown
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
She Thinks Dictionaries Are for Sucking
Dyed blonde: What's a "hatch"? As in "down the hatch"?
Blonde: Oh, that's like when baby birds break out of their eggs!
Brunette: Don't ask the blonde!
--3rd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: It's part of a ship, actually
I'm Thinking! I'm Thinking!
Black lady #1: Do you like cheese?
Black lady #2: Cheese?
Black lady #1: Cheese...
Black lady #2: (...)
Black lady #1: Cheese, cheese!
--New York Port Authority
Overheard by: Igor Petrov
Which Is the Rarely-Invoked Exception to the "Dirty Dog" Clause
Wall Street suit #1: Wait, wait--you did it in her parent's house...while her parents were home?! You dirty dog!
Wall Street suit #2: They have a water bed!
Wall Street suit #1: Dude!
--Au Bon Pain, Broadway & W 3rd
Reader Poll: What's Going on Here?
Girl #1: Wow, you must be in so much pain.
Girl #2: Not really, I'll just be really embarrassed when I have to change my pants.
--Minskoff Theatre
Overheard by: FerretMan
Hey, You're the One Who Said Hot-Pink Rhinestones Were Coming Back
Girl #1, coming out of bar: Oh my god, can you believe he thought I was interested in him? My tastes are way better than that!
Girl #2: And yet you bought that jacket.
Girl #1: What did you say?
Girl #2: Nothing...
--Bedford & 9th St
Overheard by: I agree with your friend
With Slightly Less Gold
Ditz #1: Did you know Beverly Hills was, like, its own city?
Ditz #2: Yeah, it's like the Vatican!
--2nd & 7th
Overheard by: Like, Totally.
I Was Afraid He Mocked Her Shoes, or Something
Girl: What does "patronizing a prostitute" mean?
Guy: Uh, it means picking up a hooker.
Girl: Oh. Well, that's what my cousin's boyfriend just got arrested for.
--N Train
That Dead Fly on the Rim Is Almost Like a Little Umbrella
Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: I'll have a cosmopolitan.
Bartender: We don't serve cosmos here.
Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: Fine, I'll have a gin and tonic.
Bartender: We've got two types of beer. Light and dark.
(woman pauses in thought)
Bartender: Here, honey. Try the light. It's kind of like a cosmo.
--McSorley's, Bowery & 7th
How Men Talk About Their Feelings
Bro #1: Dude, I fucked her two nights ago and she keeps calling me. Fuck that bitch, I can get so much better pussy.
Bro #2: I love motion sensor dispensers...it makes me feel like I have The Force.
--Bar Bathroom, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Manc
I Believe We Settled Upon "Turkey Drumstick"
Hipster girl #1: Oh my god, I think we were talking about the shape of my leg last night.
Hipster girl #2: We totally were!
--3rd Ave & 14th St
And by the Way, He's Ross and I'm Rachel
Hell's kitchen gay #1: Is it too weird that my boyfriend and I dated the same guy?
Hell's kitchen gay #2: Uhh...
Hell's kitchen gay #1: Well, I broke up with Jake, and then Jake broke up with Travis, and then Travis and I got together.
Hell's kitchen gay #2: Well at least you were all broken up first.
--53rd & 8th
I Have Considerable Skill at Butt-Crushing
Eight-year-old son to father stubbing out cigarette: Can I do it?
Father: No.
Son: Why not?
Father: Because it's for me to do.
Son: But I know what I'm doing, I'm good at it.
--36th St & 4th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: V
The Single Best Thing About Being a Gentile
Girl: Can Jews have sex on Shabbos?
Friend: Are you serious?
Girl: Well, I don't know! They can't drive cars, they can't carry money, they even have a special elevator for them in hospitals! What can they do?
Friend: Apparently, not drive to hospitals and pay people to have sex with them in elevators.
--77th & York
For Your Information, I Can Microwave Instant Pasta with the Best of 'Em!
Italian American: You're from Italy? I'm Italian too.
Italian tourist: You're not Italian.
Italian American: What? You don't think my family's from Italy? Go fuck yourself.
--St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Not Italian
The Sequined Evening Gown's Just a Little Something I'm Trying Out
Crazy hobo: Well, hey baby, you're beautiful!
Pedestrian: I'm a man, dammit, I'm a man!
--9th Ave
What with the Puffy Belly and the Begging for Food
Teenager #1: Oh my god, she is like way too skinny.
Teenager #2: Yeah.
Teenager #1: I mean, don't get me wrong, I love way too skinny, it just doesn't look good on her.
Teenager #2: Totally.
--Atlantic Avenue Station
Overheard by: Nina
The Day That Would Change Groucho Marx's Life Forever
High school boy #1: Man, you should just do what your body's telling you to.
High school boy #2: You mean to grow a mustache?
--Hunter College High School
Tonight's Movie: Big Trouble in Little Italy
Girl: Hang on... (bends over to tie shoe in middle of crowd)
Appalled mother: Don't do that! This is New York. You could get pregnant!
--Mulberry & Hester, Little Italy
Overheard by: Mark
Probably Best to Do It While You're Spanking Her
Man #1: That's tough...
Man #2: Yeah. It's like asking your girl to lick your balls. There's no nice way to do that.
--Steinway St
Overheard by: Jake Blaxwell
Well I've Been Trying to Cut Back on MSG
Woman to younger boyfriend: Honey, that Chinese food that you brought over is still in my fridge. I was going to throw it out.
Younger boyfriend: No, I'll eat it.
Woman: You don't think it's gone bad?
Boyfriend: It's only two days old. You're 31, and you haven't gone bad yet.
Woman: That makes no sense, and in any event, you haven't eaten me in a while either.
--Upper East Side
An Amuse-Bouche Douche
Drunk middle aged lady: Aww, love is great...you and your boyfriend are such a cute couple.
Chick: Oh, that guy? He's not my boyfriend. I'm just sleeping with him.
Drunk middle aged lady (laughing): Really? Good for you, he's cute. Well, maybe it'll turn into something more?
Chick: Oh, god no! He's an asshole...but he's amazing in bed and he's fun company... He's like a vibrator that makes appetizers.
--White Horse Tavern
Overheard by: the birthday girl
Tonight's Movie: 101 Dildotians
Gay guy, trying on long black fur coat: How do I look?
Girl: Like a gay, Russian, Cruella de Vil.
Random customer: I'm gay and Russian. And I wouldn't wear that.
--Century 21
Only If You Can Solve Their Riddles
Chick: You can't really have sex with a Sphinx, the body is a lion.
Guy: Sphinxes are still titty-fuckable!
--NYU
Overheard by: LSB
Buying Her That "Cumdumpster" T-Shirt Backfired Bigtime
Ghetto girl #1: I'm gonna kick her ass. She's such a waste.
Ghetto girl #2: She is a waste. She's a waste of sperm.
--Times Square Shuttle
So Just Cut Out the Gay Sex, Guys
Girl #1: I can't believe John lets that guy fuck him in his ass...I mean, he's got to have hemorrhoids.
Girl #2: I know, I hate hemorrhoids, you really got to guard against that shit.
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Atrain
At Least It Wasn't a 'Down Low, Too Slow'
Old nerdy father: How many people are in the world?
Toddler: Um...six billion?
Old nerdy father: You're right! (they high five)
Old black lady, passing by: Oh, hell no!
--68th & 2nd
Overheard by: Colleen
Why Fag-Hags Exist.
JAP #1: Oh my god! I have such a crush on this guy, except he's not cute, at all.
JAP #2: So, you like his personality then?
JAP #1: No.
JAP #2: Oh.
JAP #1: He just has a really great fashion sense.
--Cosi, E 8th St
So I Can Totally Identify
(at an academic conference on Renaissance aesthetics)
Student #1: You know it's gonna be good when all the speakers are British.
Student #2: Pretty sure they're Australian.
Student #1: Oh... Posers!
--Gallatin Building, NYU
Overheard by: harker
It's a Hop, Skip, and a Plumed Hat from Being Prince Charming at Disneyland
Straight male employee: How gay do you have to be to shop here?
Gay male customer, overhearing employee: How gay do you have to be to work here?
--Michael's Craft Store, Queens
Can I at Least Give You My Penis?
Hobo to smoking girl: Hey, can I give you a cigarette?
Girl: Um...that's okay. Got one.
Hobo: Oh! Well, can I get one?
Girl: It's my last one.
Hobo: Can I share it with you?
Girl: You know what...here, you can have it.
Hobo: Can I give you some spare change?
(girl walks away)
--6th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Michele
The Live-Bug Earrings, Especially
Girl #1, yelling: We are not weird! We are not odd! Why would someone say that!?
Girl #2: Well, I'm a little odd.
Girl #1: Yeah. I guess you are.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: .bryan.
They Say the Neon Lights Aren't Too Bright on Broadway
Clueless girl: Wait, is Rent about AIDS?
Slightly less clueless girl: Yeah.
Clueless girl: Oh, shit! Now I get it!
--LIRR Train
Overheard by: c
At Least I Remember Ringo the Baptist
Younger woman: What's the name of Jesus' father? Not god, the other guy!
Older woman: Joseph?
Younger woman: Yeah! Him. Oh wait, so it's not "John"? Forget it.
--Midtown
The Voting Public, in a Nutshell
Drunk guy #1: Yeah, everyone says that if Obama gets elected, he'll get assassinated. But I don't know, man.
Drunk guy #2: Fuck it, I'm voting for John McClane.
--F Train
Prepare for Exsanguination and Death
Punk girl on phone: If they fucked up my computer I will kill them and drink their blood.
Computer tech (overhearing her and taking two steps back): Uhm... Your hard drive just crashed.
Punk girl: Fuck you.
--Apple Store, 5th Ave
Because I've Got a Lot of Coke to Finish
Ditz #1: Did you know that when you snort while laughing you lose three brain cells?
Ditz #2: So you're saying if I snort for an hour I'm gonna be fucking retarded?
--F Train
So You Judge Books by the Print on the Cover?
Guy: Yeah, that date movie was dumb.
Girl: Oh, you saw it?
Guy: No, but I could tell by the font it would be dumb. It was the same font as Scary Movie and Not Another Teen Movie. I really hated those movies.
Girl: Ahhh, impact.
Guy: What?
Girl: The font. It's called "impact."
--Staten Island Ferry
And You Should Be Grateful
Chick: You know, I call you and call you and you never answer. It's really annoying!
Dude: Well, I'm going to bed.
Chick: You're married?!
Dude: I told you that when I met you! I'm separated.
Chick: Where does your wife live?
Dude: We live together.
Chick: What? You're separated, but you live together?
Dude: Uh, yeah.
Chick: Does your wife know you're separated?
Dude: Yeah.
Chick: You told her you're separated? Or it's just understood?
Dude: Listen. At the end of the day, I'm kind of a dick.
Chick: At the end of the day, you think with your dick.
Dude: True.
--N Train
Why Should Men Hog All the Violence?
NYU girl #1: I totally want to push that kid in the water.
NYU girl #2: What? Why?
NYU girl #1: Just to watch him drown.
Little boy: What?
NYU girls #1 and #2 (in unison): Nothing.
--Turtle Pond, Central Park
Overheard by: Oh boy
Another Example of Cultural Duffusion
White female Columbia student (singing in the rain): Let the rain fall down and wake my dreams.
Black heavy male stranger: Let it wash away my sanity.
--114th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: 'cause I wanna feel the thunder I wanna scream
Realtor: Can't Talk. Working.
Drunk woman on cell: Come out with us! Don't go to bed. You're a realtor. Realtors don't sleep.
Drunk man, stealing cell phone: Hey--get over here. You're a realtor. You don't sleep, you don't eat. You're a realtor.
--Bleecker & Macdougal
Overheard by: Emily
Especially Insecure, Needy Ones
Thug: Hey, hot stuff!
Hottie: Eeeeewww! Freak!
Thug: Yeah, I'm a freak. You know you like that...you like freaks. You like freaks, right?
--23rd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: chino
Perception Is Largely a Matter of Consensus
Kid #1, looking at man meditating: Look, it's a statue!
Kid #2: No, it's not!
Kid #1: Yes, it is.
Kid #2: Oh, it is...
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: noseinabook
Wish I Could Sleep Twenty Hours a Day
Dude: It's all koala!
Friend: Haha, dude! Koala bear!
--81st St
Overheard by: personally perfers polar bears
If Anyone Was Covert About Killing, It Was the Nazis
(a child sees a man walking in clothes with skulls and bones on them)
Child: Mommy! Can I have clothes like his?
Mom: No, sweetie. Those clothes belong to an underground gang that kill people, just like in the days of Hitler and George Bush.
--Fordham Road
Overheard by: Gus
Ad: My Scent? "Crush" by Pussi
Girl #1, about friend walking by: Oh my god, you smell so good, is that Rush by Gucci?
Girl #2: No, that's me!
Girl #1: Ohhh.
--Lafayette & Grand
Overheard by: j
Which Reminds Me, How's the Pepperoni Here?
Guy #1: Talk about pum pum shorts! I mean, it was disgusting!
Guy #2: Wasn't it?!
--Sal's Pizza Place, Brooklyn
Overheard by: wrong part of the convo to walk in on
And Now My Hand Makes This Cool Crackling Sound
Woman: But I feel bad hitting you! You're injured!
Man: Oh, stop. I didn't die.
--Staten Island Physician Practice
Overheard by: Green Star
The Real Losers Will Be Their Children...
Dude: They don't like you because you're pretentious and make them feel stupid.
Chick: And the only reason they like you is because you make them feel smarter and look better in comparison. I win.
--Uptown 6 Train
Headline by: Andrew
Runners-Up:
· "Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman: At It Again" - Veronica Mars
· "Kenley Makes Micheal Korrs Cry at Fashion Week" - anne nahm
· "Now Buy Me The "I'm With Stupid" Shirt I Rightfully Deserve" - Paul K.
· "The Clinton's New Sitcom Is Going to Be Great." - treize
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Will You Be Joining the Army Now, Citizen?
Foreign student: So how did you do on the SATs?
American student: Screw the SATs. I lost respect for America when I took the SATs. The difference between Yale and BMCC is an analogy.
--Convent Ave
Overheard by: miguel
Then I Guess "Grandma" Will Be Sufficient
Man: Hi.
Woman: Hey.
Man: What's your name? So I can tell our grandchildren we met on the C train!
(woman walks away)
--C Train
Overheard by: Jen