Girl: I can't take the $100,000.
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Cause being poor is a part of who I am.
–Columbia Medical Center
Overheard by: Philips Loh
Archive for February, 2009
The Only Winners Here Are the Crabs Who Continue to Thrive.
Ghetto girl: So I used his razor to shave my armpits and he got all pissed talkin' bout germs and shit. I told him, “with all the humpin' we's been doin' I think I'm the one who needs to be worried about germs with all your STDs!”
Ghetto friend: Word.
–6 Train
Not Anymore, Right?
Male passenger: One of her daughters has head lice, so she didn't come in to work today.
Female companion (wincing): That's ridiculous! It's not like she has AIDS or something!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Les Izzmore
Like, Elizabeth Taylor Sad
Blonde in stilettos: My boss told me that she slept with Mick Jagger.
Blonde in pumps: Recently?
Blonde in stilettos: No, back when he was beautiful.
Blonde in pumps: He was beautiful?
Blonde in stilettos: In the sixties.
Blonde in pumps: That's so sad.
–Marquee's
And at Least They Blow Me
Chick: You rotate girlfriends like handkerchiefs.
Dude: If they are confused bitches who like making me uncomfortable.
–Roebling Tea Room, Williamsburg
In Spanish, This Is a Two-Hour Conversation
(in Spanish)
Hispanic woman #1: Girl, I couldn't pee all day. I just peed before we left the office, that's it.
Hispanic woman #2: You gotta go to the doctor for that, you know. Could be bad.
Hispanic woman #3: I peed so much today… I just couldn't stop! It just went on and on for so long. I peed so much I felt something break, you know?
Hispanic woman #1: Girl!
–39th & 8th
Another Successful Workday for Pedro
Drunk sorority girl #1: My feet hurt.
Creepy hobo: Do you need someone to rub 'em for you, baby?
Drunk sorority girl #2: Violated! Violated!
–Bleecker & McDougal
Fine, I'm Pee-Shy, Okay?
Little girl in stall with her mother: Are you going to go?
Mother: No.
Little girl: You aren't going to go?
Mother: No.
Little girl: You aren't going to go?
Mother: No, I don't have to go.
Little girl: But you said you had to go!
Mother: I changed my mind.
Little girl: That's not something you can change your mind about!
–Ladies' Room, Saks Fifth Avenue
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Drinking Alcohol, Missing Curfew–It's a Nightmare.
Man: Say, how's your tapeworm doing?
Woman: Oh, don't even get me started!
–R Train
Overheard by: Chad L.
But at Least We Don't Have to Take Off Corsets
Man at urinal #1: I'd like to smack the motherfucker who invented the button fly.
Man at urinal #2: Seriously. He clearly wasn't a drinker.
Man at urinal #1: It's just so selfish.
–Shea Stadium