Archive for February, 2009

The Only Winners Here Are the Crabs Who Continue to Thrive.

Ghetto girl: So I used his razor to shave my armpits and he got all pissed talkin' bout germs and shit. I told him, “with all the humpin' we's been doin' I think I'm the one who needs to be worried about germs with all your STDs!”
Ghetto friend: Word. –6 Train


Like, Elizabeth Taylor Sad

Blonde in stilettos: My boss told me that she slept with Mick Jagger.
Blonde in pumps: Recently?
Blonde in stilettos: No, back when he was beautiful.
Blonde in pumps: He was beautiful?
Blonde in stilettos: In the sixties.
Blonde in pumps: That's so sad. –Marquee's


And at Least They Blow Me

Chick: You rotate girlfriends like handkerchiefs.
Dude: If they are confused bitches who like making me uncomfortable. –Roebling Tea Room, Williamsburg


Another Successful Workday for Pedro

Drunk sorority girl #1: My feet hurt.
Creepy hobo: Do you need someone to rub 'em for you, baby?
Drunk sorority girl #2: Violated! Violated! –Bleecker & McDougal


Fine, I'm Pee-Shy, Okay?

Little girl in stall with her mother: Are you going to go?
Mother: No.
Little girl: You aren't going to go?
Mother: No.
Little girl: You aren't going to go?
Mother: No, I don't have to go.
Little girl: But you said you had to go!
Mother: I changed my mind.
Little girl: That's not something you can change your mind about! –Ladies' Room, Saks Fifth Avenue Overheard by: Harriet Vane


Did You Look in Aisle Seven?

Cashier: Hi ma'am, did you find everything you wanted?
Big funky black lady: Yeah, I guess so. Too bad you guys don't sell husbands here. –Bath and Body Works, Park Ave & 23rd Overheard by: thinking the same thing


And She Would've Gotten Away with It, Too, If It Weren't for Those Darned Kids

Guy #1: See, I was in a diner the other day, I ordered some food and, yeah, I kinda noticed that the waitress was hot. Once I'd got my food and gone outside, I saw they hadn't given me my hash brown. So I went back in thinking, you know, I could get my hash brown and ask the waitress for her number or something. But when I got back the waitress was like “I ate your hash brown.”
Guy #2: She ate your hash brown?
Guy #1: She ate my hash brown! –Lexington Ave b/w 40th & 41st