Cashier: Hi ma'am, did you find everything you wanted?
Big funky black lady: Yeah, I guess so. Too bad you guys don't sell husbands here.
–Bath and Body Works, Park Ave & 23rd
Overheard by: thinking the same thing
Archive for February, 2009
It's How My Family Referred to My First Wedding
Skinny black man: Can you tell me what a fiasco is?
White guy at table with him: Yeah, it's like a party, a big party.
–Outside Nathan's, Coney Island
Overheard by: Justi
Anyone Else Shocked a High School Student Could Identify Alan Greenspan?
TA pointing at picture of Alan Greenspan: Okay, who is this?
Front row student: Alan Greenspan.
TA: And what is he best known for?
Front row student: Being Jewish.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Just sitting in the back
And She Would've Gotten Away with It, Too, If It Weren't for Those Darned Kids
Guy #1: See, I was in a diner the other day, I ordered some food and, yeah, I kinda noticed that the waitress was hot. Once I'd got my food and gone outside, I saw they hadn't given me my hash brown. So I went back in thinking, you know, I could get my hash brown and ask the waitress for her number or something. But when I got back the waitress was like “I ate your hash brown.”
Guy #2: She ate your hash brown?
Guy #1: She ate my hash brown!
–Lexington Ave b/w 40th & 41st
Just Means I Won't Give You This Exploding Apple
Crazy hobo, looking up from intense argument with imaginary friend: Excuse me, sir!
Confused suit: Uh, yeah?
Crazy hobo: What kind of teacher are you?
Confused suit: Teacher?
Crazy hobo: Yes, what subject do you teach?
Confused suit: But, um, I'm not a teacher…
Crazy hobo: Oh. Well, that's alright. Don't think I was criticizing you. I guess it's alright if you're not a teacher. I wasn't insulting you!
–6th & Spring
Overheard by: Heather
From the Glade Plug-Ins “Pussy Passion” Collection…
Thug to female friend: Damn, I ain't never gonna have my house stop smelling like pussy.
Spanish passerby, in Spanish: I hope he is talking about his cats.
–136th & Broadway
Overheard by: gator city girl
Kids Have the Intestinal Tracts Of Spotted Hyenas
Woman: We gotta get yogurt for the kids, too.
Man: I got yogurt.
Woman: Yeah, Activia. You can't be giving kids Activia! Kids already be shittin' like mad!
–Costco, Brooklyn
My Arm Muscles Are Totally Atrophying
30-something Latina: I wish I could beat my daughter like it was allowed when I was growing up.
Friend, nodding knowingly: Uh-huh.
–Gun Hill & Rochambeau
Overheard by: Gutterlush
But She Has Fielded Some Balls in Her Day, If You Catch My Drift
Girl in bathroom #1: God, I look horrible today. This is what Madonna must look like after playing some baseball with a rod. (pause) if you know what I mean…
Girl in bathroom #2: Are you really that dumb? Madonna is a singer, not a baseball player…everyone knows that!
–Macy's
Overheard by: Home run for ester!
And You Should Know, Ms. “I-Camped-Out-for-Bon-Jovi-Tickets”
Woman, sounding disgusted: Who falls asleep on the street?
Man, sounding tired of explaining things: A lot of people do.
–Spring St, SoHo
Overheard by: CK