Archive for February, 2009

Mohs Scale Reaches Frat House Heights

Frat boy #1: I was so trashed last night.
Frat boy #2: Have you always used the phrase “soft 3, hard 8”?
Frat boy #1: Nah, I kinda made that up last night.
Frat boy #2: You're not embarrassed?
Frat boy #1: Nah, hard 8. –Penn Station Overheard by: Steve Headline by: katcob Runners-Up:
· “Drunk or Sober, You Can’t Fool Me About Pencil Lead” – Bill A
· “I Am Willing to Let the World Know How I Like My Eggs” – JohnnyB
· “It’s a Grower!” – Cass
· “Just Remember to Call “No Homo” Next Time, Okay?” – version
· “Really? Only 8 and You’re Not Embarrassed?” – Keith
· “What’s *Your* Sleep-It-Off Number?” – Coyoty
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Learned to Drive Badly in Foreign Lands

20-something guy on cell: In the eight-minute cab ride it went from her telling him he was wearing a cheap coat to her licking his face! –Sheep Meadow, Central Park Overheard by: Robert Conductor: We are not moving because of a switch problem at 125th. If you are in a hurry, there are taxis upstairs. –Uptown D Train Overheard by: Wes 30-something man in Santa suit on cell: Where the fuck is my fucking taxi, bitch? –Lafayette & Spring Cop pulling over a cabbie: Why did you honk? Where did you see danger? Where did you see danger? Besides behind your own wheel… –Times Square Woman cut off by cab while crossing the street: Oh my god! I'm getting cab-fucked left and right! –Broadway & Spring Overheard by: Marc

Killing Me Softly with His Wednesday One-Liner

Excited man on cell: Hey! Did you hear who died? Amanda's pretend husband died! –N Train Overheard by: Tophs 20-something woman to friend: Well, I wanna kill her and she wants to kill me, 'cause I took her husband. –R Train Overheard by: Tara 20-something hipster girl: I am a nihilist! Watch me die. –Waverly & Mercer Asian guy to white girl: All children are born evil. If they had the strength of an adult during childhood, they would kill someone just to get a lollipop. –Queens College Woman on cell: Okay! I get it. She's not a good person. Just kill her. –Canal St & Laffaette St Overheard by: Kay Conductor: You're all gonna die! I'm your worst nightmare! Ahahahaha! –C Train Overheard by: P-Diddy

Wednesday One-Liners Grow Up Faster in the City

Little girl to woman walking by: Oh, look–another person, sooooo interesting. It's not like we haven't seen enough of those today. –D'Agnostino's, Greenwich & Barrow Overheard by: Margo Boy walking in church to mom: And when we walk in we'll hear Gregorian chants. –Trinity Church Four-year-old boy, after plane's smooth landing: Whoa, that was solid! –JFK Airport Overheard by: jen Kid at birthday party: I thought they were feeding us ice cream, not shit! –McDonald's, Bayside Adorable child having a temper tantrum: I don't want to walk, I want to go in the stroller!
(mother ignores him) I'm melting… I'm meeelllting! –New York Transit Museum Overheard by: NatalyaPetrovna

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Lot to Swallow

Suit on cell: I've already had a blow job tonight so I don't really care what happens. –7th St & Ave A Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman Lady suit to other: What about 1994? I haven't sucked cock or watched ice hockey since 1994! –Lion's Head, 109th & Amsterdam Overheard by: A great man Toothless thug: And now she wants an award for sucking my dick. –7th Ave & 16th St Overheard by: mattamore Guy on cell: Look, I'm about to get on the train and lose signal so I'll sum up my argument: until I can pull out my dick and get a blowjob from any woman I want, my grudge against feminists stands. No, I don't care if it doesn't make sense. Fuck you, I'm getting on the train! –Penn Station Old woman to husband: Now isn't she the girl who gave him head in the Port Authority bathroom? –Bench, Washington Square Park Overheard by: Horrified Girl to two hipster friends with yoga mats: Oh my god, he had to stop me while I was sucking on his dick just to tell me he likes me. Like why? Ew, why would he bother? –Avenue B & 13th