Archive for April, 2009

All the Webcam Viewers Laugh, Though.

Annoying comedy ticket seller: Want to see comedians?
Passer by: No.
Annoying comedy ticket seller: Why not? Everyone loves to laugh!
Passer by: Still no, leave me alone.
Annoying comedy ticket seller: Well, if you don't like laughing, what do you do with your spare time?
Passer by, fed up: Masturbate! –42nd & 8th

He's Not Allowed Back at the Sperm Bank for the Same Reasons

Crazy dude: Hey, can I have a sample?
Barista: I'm sorry?
Crazy dude: A sample of your coffee.
Manager: Sir! I told you last week not to come in here anymore.
Crazy dude: Huh?
Manager: Don't you remember when you threw a cup of coffee, hot coffee, at one of my baristas?
Crazy dude: No. –Starbucks Overheard by: Flea Headline by: drkipper Runners-Up:
· “I Was Just Venti-ng” – fuvvcckkk
· “In His Defense, No One Else Thinks That It’s Really Coffee Either” – Peter G.
· “Naomi Campbell’s Lesser Known Brother Strikes Again” – Jakal
· “The Sequel to “Memento” Lacks the Narrative Drive Of the First” – Toby
· “You Should See What He Did at the Sex Shop Down the Street” – Charlie
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

The Make-a-Wednesday-One-Liner Foundation

Lady on phone: Well, I wish I could get the fat removed from my back but we can't all get what we want, can we? –Target 10-year-old child with mother and younger siblings: I wish I could get a diaper… –K-Mart, Astor Place Random smoking kid: I really wish I could smoke out of my ass. –Lincoln Center Girl crossing the street: I really wish something would hit me…I need some money. –Times Square Overheard by: 3 day tourist Girl, after receiving gift: This is…this is so great! I'm so happy! Oh, man! I…I wish you had a little penis so I could give it a rub right now! –Barnes & Noble, Park Slope

You've Got Some Set Of Wednesday One-Liners on You, Buddy!

Woman on cell: I'd love to watch football with you. I'll even hold the balls. –92nd & Lexington Boyfriend to guy sitting between him and his girlfriend: Hey man, can you slide over? I need some ball space over here. –Uptown 4 Train 20-something chick: I aim for as many balls as possible. –Columbia University Overheard by: Meister Woman to male Target employee: Do you have balls? (brief awkward pause) Like playing ones… –Target, Queens Mother to kids: Okay, raise your hand if you don't have balls! (group of boys eagerly raise their hands) –LIRR Overheard by: Chadwick

Does a Wednesday One-Liner Shit in the Woods?

Puzzled guy on cell: What kind of girl calls you a "cuddly wuddly bear" and doesn't go out with you? –The Village Overheard by: Greene Hobo: Hey there, folks! I'm Yogi Bear! Have you seen Ranger Rick? –Gray's Papaya Overheard by: Zach Woman on cell: I'm glad the evil bear didn't kill you in your sleep! –113th & Broadway Overheard by: Ladle Drunk girl to sober companion: Oh my god, I saw this dog the other day. It was a bear! –Tick-Tock Diner Outraged girl on cell: She's anti-polar bear? –NYU Campus Overheard by: nina