Archive for April, 2009

Does a Wednesday One-Liner Shit in the Woods?

Puzzled guy on cell: What kind of girl calls you a "cuddly wuddly bear" and doesn't go out with you? –The Village Overheard by: Greene Hobo: Hey there, folks! I'm Yogi Bear! Have you seen Ranger Rick? –Gray's Papaya Overheard by: Zach Woman on cell: I'm glad the evil bear didn't kill you in your sleep! –113th & Broadway Overheard by: Ladle Drunk girl to sober companion: Oh my god, I saw this dog the other day. It was a bear! –Tick-Tock Diner Outraged girl on cell: She's anti-polar bear? –NYU Campus Overheard by: nina

Wednesday Has His Cake and Eats One-Liners, Too

Teen on cell: Man, it's really hard to be bi-curious around gay guys you don't like. –L Train Older gay man: Oh, it must be wonderful to be bisexual! I mean, bilingual. –69th & Broadway Overheard by: Ana Girl to friend: My boyfriend is bi. I told him I didn't want him making out with other girls. Other boys are fine, because they don't kiss on the mouth as much. –Europa Cafe, 53rd & Broadway Overheard by: Sam Large black man on cell: Yeah, you know, baby, this is the city. Eeeeverybody's bisexual! –Battery Park Overheard by: Modern Guilt

What's So Great Aboot Wednesday One-Liners, Eh?

Man on subway, about to exit: Obama, Islam, Canada. Obama, in Islam, and Canada. (exits train) –Downtown D Train Overheard by: katiekatydid Thug to tourists: How do you say "thank you" in Canadian? –34th & 7th Ave Overheard by: Fluent in Canadian Student: I'm so sick and tired of your Canadian condescension. –Eugene Lang College Crazy Brooklynite at a payphone: The Queen owns everything! She owns Europe, she owns Africa, and she owns Canada! The one thing she doesn't own is the US. So could somebody give me a US quarter for a Canadian quarter? –Broadway & 8th St Ditzy blonde to another: Do we look Canadian? –Chelsea Overheard by: Holls

The Rail World: Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor on loudspeaker: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a slight signal problem ahead of us. There are several supervisors working to flip a coin and decide how we should proceed. Once they work that out, we'll be on to 125th Street, and it should be smooth sailing from there. –Uptown 6 Train Overheard by: Melissa Conductor: Do not shove! Stand clear of the doors! Ladies and gentlemen, there is another train directly behind this one. Look, people, we have to work together. If you get pick-pocketed, molested, or rubbed the wrong way, you only have yourselves to blame! –6 Train Overheard by: wondergirl Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Stay calm, people. We are not going down. Repeat: this is not the Titanic, we are not going down! –3 Train Overheard by: C Conductor: This train will now be running express so I suggest you get on this train… Hey you! Sitting on the bench! Get on this train now! –R Train Overheard by: kinda scared Train conductor over loudspeaker: Good evening, Heather. –Stamford-Bound Metro North Train Overheard by: Dianachka Conductor: Attention passengers, this is the almost always delayed 6:18 express train to Long Branch. If you were inconvenienced by the delay, shame on you, you should know New Jersey transit never operates on schedule. –NJ Transit Conductor: This is 7th Avenue, just three blocks from the 4th Avenue stop. You could have walked! –F Train

Even Oprah's Tried Wednesday One-Liners

Guy sitting at bar: I live in the ghetto. And there's a lot of crackheads. But I'm not attracted to them. –Mojito Loco, Brooklyn Crackhead to gay boy: Yo, gay boy! When a crackhead asks you a question you answer! –110th St Station Guy to friend: The only reason I quit cigarettes was because crack ended up being cheaper. –NYU Bobst Library Girl on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't buy that crack then. (pause) Oh. –Columbia University College Walk

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day. –Prospect Heights, Brooklyn Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle. –Henri Bendel Overheard by: Stephan Dion Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly. –Fashion Institute of Technology Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight. –Uptown 6 Train Overheard by: ednapontellier Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones. –Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons? –Broadway & 50th St Overheard by: Peter