Drunk passerby to group of hipsters in front of him: All these fucking nerdy guys are with hot girls these days.
Female hipster: Oh, why thank you! He's gay, so it doesn't really matter anyway.
Drunk passerby: Oh, damn. He's gay…?
Male hipster: Yeah, but I'm a math major, so it was fair of you to call me nerdy.
–East Village
Archive for May, 2009
Unless Cocaine and Penises Count
Chubby girl: I need to lose some weight before I go on vacation. What did you eat when you went on your three-day diet?
Anorexic girl: Uh…I didn't.
–Union Square
And a College Boy Would Never Put That in an Inappropriate Place
Guy #1: Yeah, so I'm going back to the doctor to get the rash checked out. They think I might be allergic to my girlfriend's…
Guy #2, interrupting: Oh god, I don't want to know.
Guy #1: Skin lotion!
Guy #2: Oh.
Guy #1: Dude, what did you think I was about to say? It's on my hand.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: I wasn't thinking it.
Did You Shave Your Eyes Again, Harry?
Crazy man to cop: Where's you hair? Where's your hair?
Cop: What did you do to yourself?
Crazy man: I didn't do nothin'. Where's your hair?
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Ems
Let Him Raid My Lost Ark! Enter My Temple Of Doom!
NYU girl #1: What about Harrison Ford? You know, Indiana Jones?
NYU girl #2: Ew! He's like, 80.
NYU girl #1: He's 67, thank you, and I'd wrangle his whip anytime!
–Washington Square
I Think I Saw This Short at the Cannes Film Festival
Blue collar guy to random guy holding a musical instrument: I wish I had a harpsichord. I'd put on an old fashioned movie and play it in the dark. You wouldn't even need a drink!
Musical guy: A drink wouldn't hurt.
Blue collar guy: No, it wouldn't. (takes a bottle of rum out of his pocket and takes a swig)
–N Train
Overheard by: Pretending to listen to her music
Let's Swing by After Ultimate Fighting Practice!
Huge black guy #1: Oh man, they have a wonderful exfoliator. It's wonderful!
Huge black guy #2: Oh, yeah man. You know where we got to go? It's this place called lush!
–Time Warner Center
…Without Saying “Please”
Little girl: I want a cookie!
Grandmother: Ain't you know better, girl? You can't eat junk like that!
–KFC, Park Slope
Overheard by: Starscream
From the Director's Cut Of Thelma and Louisa
Drunk girl on bike #1: How's your nose?
Drunk girl on bike #2: How's your neck?
Drunk girl on bike #1: Hey, all I'm saying is that I'd rather get a hickey from a random boy I don't know than break my nose by falling off my bike. (falls off her bike) Shiiiiiiiiiiiit.
Girl #2: How's your fucking nose now, whore?
–NYU
Naked Natalie Is Your Sister?
Guy #1, yelling: Bye, girls! Keep your clothes on!
Guy #2: Dude…that's my sister.
–W 3rd & Mercer
Overheard by: Checking her out