Archive for May, 2009

Crazy Like a Wednesday One-Liner

Teacher to colleagues: When a student acts up a second time, I always throw something at the window and then do something like this (goes into fetal position and starts rocking) at my desk. I mean…these are first graders! You need them to think you're crazy from the very beginning, or you'll have a horrible year! –Bar, Smith & Sackett Paper baggin' hobo: I'm not sure who's crazier: me, or this beer. It's 23 degrees outside, and I'm drinking a cold beer! –Jackie Robinson Park Overheard by: Ian High pitched 20-something girl to empty block: I feel like I'm taking crazy pills, here! –58th & 7th Female student on cell: Did you know him? (pause) Oh. Well, did Kate* know him? (pause) What? You girls are crazy! Yeah, you'd better lock your door! –Fordham University Man on cell: I'm feeling pretty good today. That's usually when I go off the deep end. –Prince & Elizabeth

If a Boy Is Your Friend, Is He Your Wednesday One-Liner?

Hot Latina: He doesn't look like someone I'd want to fuck. But neither does my boyfriend… Well, depending on what he's wearing. –3rd Ave & 46th St Overheard by: SillyUrn Girl to friend: If my boyfriend ever asked me to do that, I would get a new boyfriend, preferably the blow-up one that I already have in my bed. –Dorm, NYU Overheard by: amused Girl in leopard print pajamas: My boyfriend is the voice on Dora the Explorer. Name dropped. –Elevator, NYU Overheard by: babaganoush the great Teen boy on cell: Hi, Lisa, it's Matt. Sarah and I were just talking about how much you love tools, so I went to Home Depot today and picked you up a new boyfriend. –N Train Overheard by: SueCity Yuppie to friends: So my boyfriend called me last night and asked me, "Hey, do you even know my name?" and I said, "Well…no." –1 Train Overheard by: yams

“It's Not You. It's Wednesday One-Liner.”

Screaming, sobbing middle-aged woman to man: Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to me? We made beautiful love last night! Why are you doing this to me? –Penn Station Overheard by: Laura Angry woman on cell: You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me! We are done! –147th & St Nicholas Man on cell: I'm going to fucking dump that job, like girls dump me. –45th & 8th Girl on phone: No wonder he broke up with you, you are a pain in the ass! –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Laura Teen girl on cell: Are you fucking kidding me? You're breaking up with me because I didn't let you lick chocolate off my coochie? That shit's fucked up! –Bloomingdale's

Wouldn't You Find That Symbolically Disturbing?

20-something: Well, what are we going to do tonight if the movie is sold out?
Black comedy slinger, overhearing: See a comedy show!
20-something: No, that's okay.
Black comedy slinger: It's cool, I never killed anyone.
20-something: We're alright.
Black comedy slinger: And I love white people.
20-something: We're not tourists…
Black comedy slinger: Oh, okay. Want a piggyback ride? –44th & Broadway Overheard by: Robert B