Teacher, looking at photo: Ahhh, was this taken in Russia?
Student: No, that's Coney Island.
–Stuyvesant High School
Archive for June, 2009
Are You Sure One's Not Just a Teeny Bit More British?
Hipster guy: I can never tell the difference between Ralph Fiennes and Raif Fiennes.
Hipster girl: That's because they're the same person.
–W Train
Overheard by: Andrew
Meet the Chubby Elle Woods
Girl to boyfriend mocking her for not swiping credit card properly: Ken! Don't you dare make fun of me!! I've had a really hard day!
Ken: Why? What happened?
Girl, choking: I failed my mid-terms. (suddenly swipes her card angrily) All I want right now is my Cosmopolitan and candy bar. That's all I ask of life!
–Store, 59th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Frank S
Oh, I Wouldn't Go That Far
Dude: So I was like, “Whoa!”
Chick: And then I was like, “Whoa!”
Dude: And then we were both like, “Whoa!”
–Caesar's Bay, Brooklyn
And Straight!
14-year-old Mexican girl #1: I might start telling people he's my son, instead of my little brother.
14-year-old Mexican girl #2: Why would you want to do that?
14-year-old Mexican girl #1: Because then guys will think I'm easy!
–N Train
I Thought You Meant It Metaphorically
Angry male #1: She's sixteen years old, you fuck! Sixteen!
Angry male #2: Well, I didn't know that!
Female: I told you last night!
–3rd Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: heard this from the 8th floor
When In Doubt, Disguise Yourself As Daniel Powter
Old Italian cop to Jamaican dude he just pulled over: Sir, have you been drinking tonight?
Jamaican dude: Me love you lately.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Only in Brooklyn
I Wasn't Always a Security Guard, Y'know
Girl selling at bake sale #1: This is so stupid. No one wants anything.
Security guard: That's cause you're doin' it all wrong.
Girl selling at bake sale #2: Oh yeah? What should we do?
Security guard: Next person that passes, be like “Yo! I got your brownie!” then when they come over, give it to them and be like “Aight, that's two dollars.”
–Manhattan College, The Bronx
Ever Feel Like There's Less Mystery in the Gay Dating Scene?
Drunk guy #1: Don't take this the wrong way, but I really want to take you home tonight.
Drunk guy #2: How am I supposed to take that?
Drunk guy #1, seriously: In the ass.
–F Train
Alanis Is Not Alone In Her Misunderstanding Of Irony
Girl #1: I think I'm gonna cut his class today.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too, it's just going to be some dumb lesson on women's rights.
–Frank Sinatra High School