Ditzy runner #1: So I was like “did you use your juicer?” and he was like “yeah, but it went bad” and I was like “how did it go bad?” and he was like “well, I juiced a potato!”
Ditzy runner #2: A potato?
Ditzy runner #1, pleased with her story: a potato.
–Central Park, During JP Morgan Chase 5K Run
Archive for July, 2009
Why There Is No Market for Male Thongs: In a Nutshell.
Irate gangster, following a scared-looking passenger: Excuse me, sir, would you like a wedgie? Sir! Excuse me! Would you like a wedgie?
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jane and Brian
They Both Cyberstalk Me Like Crazy Ex-Girlfriends
Guy: Pinkberry is right across the street from Red Mango.
Girl: That's awkward.
Guy: I know, I'm awkward about it.
–St. Marks Place
Let's See If He Comes Back, Okay?
Jew for Jesus, holding out pamphlet: Here, have one.
Woman: Hmm?
Jew for Jesus: It's about Jesus!
Woman: Oh, I'm not interested in him. I thought it was about Michael Jackson.
–The High Line
Overheard by: emily
Like a Celibate Priest With a Huge Dick
Tipsy attractive Asian lesbian to girlfriend: Oh, well. Actually, I just learned how to deep throat in December… Pretty awesome, once you get it down.
Tipsy, equally attractive girlfriend: My last girlfriend said she used to do it, too! Wow, men must hate me.
–Uptown 1 Train
Does That Connote Romance in the Gay Community?
Gay guy #1 to girl: I only say these things to you because I'm your best friend.
Gay guy #2: Bitch! I'm her best friend!
Girl: Great. Now you guys are totally going to fight for me.
Gay guy #1: I will fuck him up right here. That's how much I love you.
–14th St & 9th Ave
…Onstage!
Woman: Umm…I have to go. Sorry.
Creepster: It's okay, we'll meet in another life… As cats.
–McFadden's Bar, 42nd & 2nd
Frankly, You're Lucky I Don't Start Wanking It Right Here
Student: Wait so why is everyone switching to blue ray?
Professor: Because the film industry follows the porn industry. (pauses) That's the truth. That's where all the money is.
Student: (stares blankly)
Professor: What? It's a billion-dollar industry. I can't be the only guy who buys it.
Student: (stares horrified)
Professor: Fuck you. I have tenure.
–Tisch School of the Arts
Don't Make Me Do Math, Okay?
Guy #1: Yeah… she's bipolar.
Guy #2: Really? I thought she was straight.
–Spring & Broadway
Overheard by: Kat
The Definitive NYC Punch Line– Along With “Vagina”
Asian girl: He's the kind of guy who sits at home drinking beer, plotting ways to date his cousins.
Friend: Well, maybe that's acceptable where he comes from. Isn't he from another country?
Asian girl: Jersey.
–22nd & 23rd
Overheard by: jack