Black dude in deli, listening to Michael Jackson on radio: I can't hear another Michael Jackson song.
Arab guy behind counter: How old are you?
Black dude: 25.
Arab guy: See, I'm 37. When I was five, until 15, this was all that was playing.
(Billie Jean is now playing) “Don't go around breaking young girls' hearts!”
Black dude: Too late.
–Brooklyn
Archive for August, 2009
Ooo, Let's Cast a Spell on Them!
20-something girl in full Luna Lovegood costume waiting to see Harry Potter, pointing to girl with mohawk: Jeez, their are some real weirdos in New York.
Friend, dressed as Snape: Yeah, real creeps.
–Movie Theater, Park Slope
…So Go Ahead and Make Your “Hardwood” Jokes
Slick guy: So, do the curtains match the carpet?
Hot bleached blonde: There is no carpet.
Slick guy: Oh.
–Starbucks, Times Square
…Though, Personally, I Prefer Darker Meat.
Older Hispanic gay man to guy in Subway sandwich costume: Uh sandwich, be careful someone doesn't eat you, darling.
Passers-by: (laugh)
Older Hispanic gay man: Whaaat? That's what you do to a saaandwich.
–9th & 2nd
Overheard by: eat me
I Love This Town
Truck driver to cab driver: What the fuck is wrong with you? Get the fuck outta the way!
Guy pushing baby stroller: Fucking cunt!
–Crosby & Houston
And It Won't Get the Semen Out of My Eye
Teenager #1: I said “my fault.”
Teenager #2: You said “my bad”? “My bad” is not “I'm sorry”!
–Penn Station
Headline by: Ty
Runners-Up:
· “Actually, “My Bad” Is Like the Hawaiian “Aloha” …” – erkala
· “And That’s How Grammy and Grampy Made Me, Kids” – Kam
· “The Bush Twins Learned Early From Their Father….” – Lani Waters
· “The Fact That a Teenager Apologized Should Be Enough” – shenanigans
· “Yeah, Judas!” – mk
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
If Only I Knew What It Tasted Like…
Gangsta #1: A glass elevator! Supersonic!
Gangsta #2: Goin' down?
Gangsta #1: This thing looks like a giant condom.
Gangsta #2: Now I know what my cum feels like when I'm bangin' my girl.
–Apple Store, 59th St
Overheard by: Matt w
Also the Premise Behind All Of Quentin Tarantino's Movies
Mom: I've told you to stop cursing so much!
Daughter: And I've told you, if I stopped cursing all the time, the other words in my sentences would get lonely!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Katherine
For the Last Time, That Was a Sarcophagus
Dad: What was your favorite part of the museum?
Smart looking four-year-old in glasses: The water slide.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Loen
Even the Dogs Can Recite This Story by Now
Middle aged dad: Reminds me of something I saw around 1968. This hippie had two dogs…
Teenage daughter, interrupting: One was named Shitsy McFuck and the other was named Fucksy McShit.
Middle aged dad: I guess I told you that story before, huh?
Teenage daughter: So many times, I can't believe you're not in a nursing home.
–In Line to see Art Exhibition, W46th St
Overheard by: Big Larry