Archive for August, 2009

And, Also, That I Be White.

Asian teen to black friend: So my grandmother is making me learn Chinese. Does she not get that I don't wish to visit, let alone live, in China?! Like ever?
Black friend: I hear you loud and clear. Ever since Obama became President my granny has not stopped requesting that I birth her great grandchildren in Hawaii with a Kenyan diplomat. –1 Train Overheard by: well good luck to you

The Best Part Is, They Do This Every Damn Day

Tall blonde guy: Hey, do you have updog?
Blonde girl: What is that?
Tall blonde guy: Thanks for ruining it! You're supposed to say “what's updog?” and I'd be like “nothing much, man, you?”
Blonde girl: Alright, let's start over. Pretend we just ran into each other or something.
Tall blonde guy: Hey, do you have updog?
Blonde girl: What's “updog”?
Tall blonde guy: Nothing much man, you? –F Train

It Made Finding a Prom Date Easy

Teenage boy, making out with girlfriend: Did you know my mom and I are only 15 years apart?
Teenage girlfriend: No way, that must have been really hard.
Teenage boy: No, it's good to be a young mom.
(making out resumes) –7 Train Headline by: Botticus Runners-Up:
· “I’ll Show You in 9 Months” – Sandy Paws
· “In Fact, It’s Bit Of a Family Tradition” – Traditionalist
· “Please Tell Me This Isn’t What Inspired Gilmore Girls” – katenonymous
· “Psychologists Call This “Priming”” – chuck
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Feel a Lot Better Now

Guy to friends: A girl farted on my head once, and I dated her for three years. –14th St & 3rd Ave Overheard by: MC Woman to friend: And then he farted in my mouth. –Ding Dong Lounge Overheard by: Rosalind Hobo, farting loudly, turning at girl walking behind him: That's for you, you fucking bitch! –Yellow Line Subway Station Overheard by: Craigalanche Latina on cell, firmly: I'm not bi-curious, I'm just fart-curious –49th & 5th Overheard by: olga Crazy hobo: Once, I was eating Cracker Jacks, you know, the one with the prize in it? When I finished the box, I farted in it, then sealed it up again. When I opened it a week later, I got the surprise of my life! –1 Train Overheard by: nella

Wednesday One-Liners: Soon to Be Gentrified

Ghetto woman on cell: No, no… he ain't ghetto. He ghetto fabulous. –28th & Lexington Ditzy tourist: Did you know that, like, all the trains with numbers go to all the rich places and all the trains with letters, like, go to the ghetto areas. –6 Train Loud guy: Is that a 50 cent soda? You know you in the ghetto when you got a 50 cent soda. –Jackson Heights Woman on cell: That bitch is mad ghetto. She wore her wedding dress to work. –Lenox & 118th St Overheard by: K