Archive for August, 2009

Wednesday One-Liners, Literally

Man on cell, authoritatively: Ejaculate! –14th b/w 3rd & 4th Mother to curious little girl reaching out to touch Wall Street bull's testicles: No! (yanks her away) –Bowling Green Woman shouting across a grassy field: Slutbots! –McCarren Park, Brooklyn (intercom beeps 10 times)
Train conductor, over intercom: Shit.
(intercom continues to beep) –Hudson Line Train Man on bike speeding along Brooklyn Bridge walkway: Pussyhoooollleeeeee! –Brooklyn Bridge Quiet, older gentleman sipping coffee, leafing through newspaper: Motherfuckers! –Barnes & Noble Coffee Bar, Broadway Overheard by: Suze V

Wednesdays Have “The Last Supper” on Their One-Liners

Guy: Do I look like I ordered strawberries and cream? I have tattoos on my head and face! –Starbucks Being a full-time tranny is like having a tattoo on your forehead. Like, you can't work, like, what do you do? –Brooklyn Customer to another, about barber: Take him for example, he was in the special forces. He's got a big tattoo on his arm that says, "Kill 'em all, let god sort 'em out." Drop him off in Prospect Park today and tomorrow he'll be eating a sandwich. –Park Slope Barber Shop Overheard by: ian daywalker Chatty young woman to bored-looking guy friend: You know, my shoes would really look a lot better if I had a foot tattoo. –D Train Man with tattoo that reads "don't go to hell" to friend: There's a funny story behind this tattoo. I was dating this bitch, and she would wake up every morning and suck my dick. Or fuck the shit out of me. And then tell me I was going to hell. You have no idea what this bitch put me through. I mean, sexually, she was great. We'd go out to bars and both of us would pick up chicks, so that by the end of the night we'd have two or three women hanging around us trying to go home with us. –Chipotle Overheard by: Jana

The Wednesday One-Liner Diet Doesn't Work

Little girl to sister: It has 140 calories in it, that could like… kill you. –Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway Blonde girl on phone: Yeah, I need to lose like 30 pounds but the problem is that I got my body used to food. –224th St & Jamaica Avenue Teen girl, after being caught with empty beer cans: No! Trust me, it wasn't me. I don't drink beer, it has way too many calories! –Park Slope 40-something mom to chubby daughter with YMCA gymnastics shirt: Don't eat here, go to CVS! Get some mints… you'll be fine. –Wendy's At Metropolitan Ave. and Woodhaven Blvd, Queens Overheard by: D. Scibe Very old, overweight mother to old less overweight daughter: I need to lose 20 pounds, but you, you need to lose 40 pounds. When you're as skinny as her (points at woman working at register), then I'll buy you carrot cake! –168th & Broadway Overheard by: Alison R. Women in Morbidly obesity couple walking hand in hand. The woman says "harry, I hate it when we're on separate starvation schedules." –7th St & First Ave

Wednesday Too-Soon-Liners

American tourist on phone: So, I've just been to ground zero and it's like totally overrated; it's just a hole in the ground. –Central park Sensitive guy: She's probably the number one cause of post-traumatic stress syndrome since 9/11! –Restaurant, 46th St & 9th Ave Overheard by: TheGreenCat Man, looking out window: Looks like they are building something. –WTC Path Station Tourist: That building is really tall, I think it's the World Crade Center! –Brooklyn Bridge Cheerful tourist dad taking photo of tourist family: Smile and say 9/11! –Battery Park Overheard by: CJW

Are You Saying They Should Have Bigger Things to Worry About?

White teen bimbo #1: I can't believe I got that parking ticket! Police have nothing better to do.
White teen bimbo #2, totally serious: Yeah, I mean… they still don't know who killed biggie, but they have time to give parking tickets? That's fucking ridiculous. –72nd & Columbus Overheard by: soyloaf

Looks Like Disney's Already Gotten Its Claws Into Him

Dad to four-year-old son: Hey, don't touch that! Don't pick up things off the ground here. I just saw a mouse.
Four-year-old son: You saw a mouse! You are so lucky! I always wanted to see one of those!
Dad, sighing: You don't want to see them, they are dirty.
Son: You're so lucky. Wow! A mouse. –8th Ave & 14th St Overheard by: Must not be from the village