Guy #1: My ass hurts.
Guy #2: The you should stop being so gay.
–Penn Station
Archive for September, 2009
Instant Karma
Thug #1, sneaking into movie: Yo, who is this bitch?
Thug #2: It's Nancy Drew!
–Movie Theater, Staten Island
It's Really More Of a Paper Product
Student #1: Is lettuce a vegetable?
Student #2: No. It's a salad.
–24th St & Lexington
Why Thorazine Is Contraindicated for Service Employees
Yankee fan: Yeah, I'll have a grilled chicken sandwich and a vanilla iced coffee.
Apathetic cashier: Crispy chicken sandwich?
Yankee fan: No, grilled, sorry about that–I thought I said grilled.
Apathetic cashier: And you wanted a Diet Coke?
Yankee fan: No, a vanilla iced coffee.
Cashier: Oh.
–McDonald's, Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Rachel W.
He Also Had Enemies Outside the Family
Young boy: Papa, did you kill grandfather?
Dad: No, I did not kill your grandfather.
–63rd Drive, Rego Park
Overheard by: Beatrice
Tonight's Classic Horror Movie: Slather
Ghetto girl #1: You know I look good in this outfit, but I should not have worn it today, especially after applying cocoa butter all over my ass.
Ghetto girl #2: That's why you gotta cocoa yo' ass before you go to bed at night.
Ghetto girl #1: Girl, you know I do that too.
Ghetto girl #2: Better to have too much cocoa butter on than to be a ashy hoe man like Britney Spears.
–10th Ave b/w 57th & 56th
You Should Be Grateful the Driver Speaks English
Driver: I fuckin' hate that building. Ugliest fuckin' building I ever seen. It looks like a bong or a toilet or somethin'. I'd shit on that building.
Passenger, under his breath: Jesus Christ, man, just drive the car.
–3rd Ave
Overheard by: AdHoculi
The Only Variety Of Cockfighting That's Still Legal in the U.S.
Construction worker #1, watching friends during a body shot fight: Are they fighting for real?
Construction worker #2: Nah, I think they are trying to grab each other's cocks.
–Outside Biddy Earlys Pub
Flexible Work Schedules Work Because They're Flexible
Girl #1: I don't want, like, a 9 to 5 job.
Girl #2: Well what kind of, like, job do you want then?
Girl #1: Like… maybe 10 to 6?
Girl #2: Isn't that like 9 to 5.
Girl #1: Yeah, but I, like, want to travel and the hours work better.
–MetroNorth
Look Right Down Your Nose at Me– Excellent!
Dad to daughter: Upper East Side? The East Side is full of snobs. Did they take you there?
Daughter: Yeah.
Dad: Great, great.
–114th St & Broadway