Archive for September, 2009

The Golden Rule?

Girl #1: Yeah, so my new boyfriend peed my bed the first night. After the second time, I broke up with him.
Girl #2: Good move. My motto is: “Pee my bed once, shame on you. Pee my bed twice, shame on me.” –Union Square Park Overheard by: C.Terjesen

Actually, Something Like This

Unattractive fag hag: So we went out Friday and he slept over afterwards.
Gay male friend: I knew it!
Unattractive fag hag: Yeah, but then like, the next morning, I was in the other room and I overheard him talking on his cell phone and he was saying something about how I was a brown bagger. What does that mean, that it was in the bag? Like, I'm a slut?
Gay male friend: Uhhhh… something like that. –L Train

I Was That Poop Smell in the Last Row

Blind lady #1: Hey there honey, how have you been?
Blind lady #2: I've been good.
Blind lady #3: Where were you last week? I didn't see you at the meeting! –23rd St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Adam

That's the Last Time I Let Nequa Babysit for You

Big black lady with yellow weave: Hey! Get off of my breasteses!
Toddler son: Why? –Marine Park, Brooklyn Overheard by: Katie

…That Is the Expression, Right?

Student: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving, monsieur?
NYU French professor, with heavy French accent: Bien sûr! I'm as American as apple pie! –NYU Classroom

Best Weed Ever

Hipster boy: I'm wearing shorts.
Hipster girl: I'm wearing pants.
Hipster boy: It's raining.
Hipster girl: Yeah. –Washington & Lafayette

Wonder If I Could Rent One

Fat old guy: That was refreshing.
Fatter old guy: Yeah. But it's like a dog chasing a car, though–what would you do with it if you caught it?
Fat old guy: Go to jail?
Fatter old guy: Yeah. (chuckles) Sixteen'll get you twenty. –Hamilton Square