20-year-old female host: Can I help you with something?
12-year-old boy, staring at her: I just want to admire your body.
20-year-old female host: Excuse me?
12-year-old boy: You have a great body.
20-year-old female host: Ummmm, thanks…
12-year-old boy's friend: If I were you I'd leave, he's creepy.
20-year-old female host: I wish I could.
–Restaurant, Times Square
Archive for October, 2009
…With Your Mom
Father: Well, to really make it moist you gotta shove it in there.
Son: That's what she said!
Father: How 'bout you go back to the kids table?
Son: Yes, sir.
–Peter Luger Restaurant
Do You Want to Go to Military School?
Baby: Hop gla blah blah.
Mother: Stop it, or I'll leave you on this train!
–E Train
Which Part Of the Cow Do You Think It Comes From?
Girl #1: And that's why we don't drink breast milk anymore.
Girl #2: Oh, really? That's interesting.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Highly disturbed commuter
You There in the Back Row — This Means You.
Student, referring to pinus: Wait, does that actually mean “penis”?
Latin teacher: No. But once I made a joke about penises in a paper in college and my teacher wrote, “never do this”.
(class laughs)
Latin teacher: So guys, don't play with your penises!
–Bard High School Early College
Overheard by: Theseus
American Hipsters Are More American Than Hipster
Stoned 20-something hipster #1, on Disney music: Noooo, Robin Hood is so gay!
Stoned 20-something hipster #2, playing “Not in Nottingham”: It is *not* gay! It's honest!
–St. Clemens Church & Theater
Overheard by: emily darwin
…She's in Between Waxes!
Thugette, calling back friend's toddler: Come here, you drunken monkey!
Child's mother: Don't call her a monkey!
–H&M Fitting Room
I Think a Lapdancer Said That to Me Once
Cabbie, after men decide not to take taxi: That's $5 for touching my door.
–14th St & Ave B
Overheard by: Crossing street
I Know That, but My Penis Doesn't
Guy on cell: Dude, I am so gonna punish that pussy.
Girl sitting next to him, texting: You know you have a small penis, right?
–L Train
Overheard by: Caged Monkey
That Was a Close One. Too Close.
Cashier: I'm worried I'm going to get pregnant when I least expect it. It's just going to sneak up on me. And, bam! I'm knocked up! You pregnant?
Cashier's friend: No, but my sister is.
–Old Navy, SoHo