Archive for 2009

…While I Wipe Off the Tears on My Sleeve

Promoter, stopping friends: Hey! You guys look like pretty awesome people!
Friend #1: Nah, we're really not.
Friend #2: Yeah, we're actually pretty lame.
Promoter: Well, you at least like kids, right?
Friend #1: No. I fucking hate kids. They're terrible. I punch them all the time.
Promoter: Haha. Well, what about animals?
Friend #1: Nope. I hate them too…especially kittens and puppies. I punch them too. I do the double punch. Kids and puppies at the same time. (starts punching the air violently with both of her fists)
Promoter: Okay then. You guys have a nice day…

–Union Square

Overheard by: hj

Yup. I Could Tell from That Nauseated Look on Your Face.

Woman #1 in elevator: Why aren't you wearing a jacket? You're going to be freezing!
Woman #2: I don't need one. It's because I'm fat.
Woman #1: (silence)
Woman #2: You know it's true. You're not saying anything because you know I'm fat. Most people would say, “No, no, no. You're not fat!” but you're not saying that because you think I'm fat. Think about it.
Woman #1: I'm thinking about it.

–39th St

Pending a Lawsuit from the Llamas

Little girl, talking to Rite-Aid employee: How many letters are there in the alphabet?
Rite-Aid employee: Hmm…let's see. Right now? Right now…24.
Little girl: Aren't there 26?
Rite-Aid employee: Actually there used to be 26, but they took away two.
Little girl: Which ones?
Rite-Aid employee: The ch and the double l.

–Rite-Aid, 86th St

Overheard by: Marie Ziskin