Archive for 2009

And Sometimes They Sink

Starbucks-toting boy: I really want to go to one of those floating islands, though.
Hippie chick: Which islands?
Starbucks-toting boy: The floating islands. The ones that float.
Hippie chick: Don't all islands float?
Starbucks-toting boy: No.
Hippie chick: Yes they do. I mean, they float now. –6th Ave & Union, Park Slope Overheard by: Questioning impact of teaching career

Wednesday Really Pumps Out the One-Liners

Guy to female friend: There's a guy in the Howard Street festival that ejaculates like 20 feet. –E 3rd St & 1st Ave Guy: The world is my cumrag! –4th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Jordan Bruce Woman on cell: Yeah, it was great. We managed to buy enough sperm for three kids. –32nd & 5th Ave Overheard by: Matt Intoxicated college boy to friend: I don't want to jism on a girl's back…yet. –Times Square Overheard by: watching her back Suit getting off train, turning around and yelling: Was it semen? (waves goodbye) –1 Train Overheard by: hsw

Wednesday One-Liners Are Growers, Not Showers

Bouncer on phone: I don't care if they is balding, got big guts or little dicks! –Houston & Lafayette Overheard by: chiddox Flaming gay man to lover: You have a small dick that never gets erect, and you are not in my will! –Avenue St John & Kelly Streets, Bronx Overheard by: Li'l Squeaker Hobo: Stop controlling my eyeballs to look at your dick! –Times Square 30-something man: Waaaaait, did they say "dick in cider" or "dick inside her"? –7th St & St. Mark's Overheard by: Juicy High school kid: I wish I had two dicks. (pause) So both of my hands have something to do in class. –Q27 Bus Stop Overheard by: cough.cough.cough Woman on phone: It's not about you, it's about your small dick. –Times Square Girl to friend: So you're going to tutor his dick, right? –University & 10th St

Wednesday-One-Liner 451

5th grader to friends on stairs: So my brother burned a hole in the floor so we could spy on the neighbors. –The Spence School Overheard by: urbanadventurer Hot 20-something: If another mediocre man hits on me after another mediocre meal I am going to burn the city down! –1 Train 20-something to friend: The house burnt down, and now my dad has no eyebrows. No really, he has no eyebrows. –Thompkin Square Park Yuppie guy: You know, I think heartburn is the best kind of burn someone could have. –Bleecker & Jones Overheard by: Jas Five-year-old boy, singing: Let the train, let the train, let the train be on fire!
(continues for a few minutes) Let China, let China, let China be on fire! –F Train Subway conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this train is being held due to a…slight fire at the next station. –C Train Overheard by: G.

All You Need Is Wednesday One-Liner

Announcer guy: Hey girl, I love your face. And Charmin loves the other end! –Charmin NYC Restrooms, Times Square Overheard by: Nathan Drunk boyfriend: Thanksgiving is over, and so is our love! –Grand & Leonard, Williamsburg Overheard by: fanny Subway busker, about next song: This is not a love song. The reason that this is not a love song is because I don't like her anymore. –Time Square Philosophy professor on last day of class: If you love something, set it free. And if it flies away, run after it and kill it. –City College Overheard by: Dan Lurie 20-something guy to friend sharing iPod with him: I would do anything to live there…I would pretend to be in love. –Downtown 6 Train Overheard by: dallas Woman on cell: I will skin and tar you. (pause) Oh, I love you! –W Broadway & W 3rd St