Archive for 2009

Was Saving 49 Cents Really Worth All That?

Cashier: Look, it's $1.99, okay? Then, I take $1.49, okay. So it's two for a dollar, okay.
Customer: I don't get it, it said it was two for a dollar and you are charging me $1.49.
Cashier: No, no, no, see, it's $1.99, okay. I take out $1.49 okay. See, watch. I scan it and it says $1.99. Then I take out 1.49, see.
Customer: No, I don't see, I don't get why you are charging me $1.49.
Cashier: Ugh… Mary*, come here. (speaks to Mary* in Spanish)
Mary*: When she scans it you don't see the real amount because she isn't finished the transaction yet.
Customer: Then why wasn't she showing me that?
Mary*: She did show you that. –Pratt Institute Associated, Myrtle Ave Overheard by: Is Subtraction Really That Hard?

Wednesday Isn't One-Liner. He Has a Girlfriend in Canada.

11 year-old girl to dad: Sucking on something automatically makes you gay. –High Line Overheard by: Kirby NYPD detective, working Gay Pride parade: They've been coming out for the last two hours. And they will probably be coming out for another three hours! –5th Ave & 55th St Overheard by: Just Visiting… Not very effeminate gay guy, near extremely effeminate group of pride festers: Suddenly, I don't feel so gay! –PrideFest, Abingdon Square Overheard by: proud dad Man to friend: The problem with getting too buff is that people start to think that you're gay. –Starbucks Male fashionista to stranger on bus: And she thought I was gay because I dress well and stuff. (to another passenger) Oh, is that moisturizer? Can I use some? –Hampton Jitney Overheard by: Can't imagine why she thought so Woman handcuffed to man, having romantic picnic with rose petals spilled over a blanket: I didn't think I would be handcuffed to you in a park telling you all of my secrets when I met you in a gay bar! –Central Park Sheep Meadow

Give Me a Wednesday With One-Liners, Long Beautiful One-Liners

Latino nanny to redheaded toddler, after he throws his hat at her: Put your hat back on your hair! It's freaking people out. –Central Park Disheveled raggedy hobo, reprimanding suit: Get a haircut! –Wachovia Wells Fargo Overheard by: CS Loud black girl on cell phone: You know where the train station is, where all them homeless people live? Yeah, that's where I go get my hair done. She doesn't fuck my hair up, because I told her, "you best not fuck my hair up." And now she never does. (chuckles) –LIRR Overheard by: kill her Beautiful angry woman on cell: I had told you to meet me at 116th Street because I got my hair in my bag! My weave hair! I had wanted to do my hair later, because it's too damn hot to be sitting up in that place. But I'm not going to no damn barbecue with weave hair in my bag! –The Bronx Overheard by: Shrimp on the barbie Little boy with squirt gun: No! You wetted my hair! My beautiful flowing hair! –Rockefeller Park

Wednesday One-Liners: Willing, but Unripe

Loud-mouthed girl to friends: She says, "I've had sex with over 100 men." And so I says, "girl! You fourteen!" –R Train Thirty-something black man to Catholic high school girls: So what's it take for a couple of black guys to get to play with y'all's skirts? –Metro-North Overheard by: kfkdjsdf Father to infant daughter in stroller: Hey! Close your legs! –SoHo Professor: Your favorite teacher from high school turned out to be a pedophile? Seriously? Well was he a real pedophile, or just a hooking-up-with-teenage-students kind of pedophile? –Fordham University Overheard by: Jack Package 13-year-old girl on phone: So guess what… I lost my virginity last night… looks like you owe me a soda. –H & M Overheard by: Imani

Another Round Of Wednesday One-Liners

Regular guy: You got Old English reeking out your pores… Come outside and air out. –Frederick Douglas & 126th St Mother of three: Come with me and I'll buy you a bag of beer! I've never had a bag of beer before and I could really use one! –34th St & Broadway 20-something girl to another: I gave up Grey Goose for lent. –Pizza Shop, The Bronx Overheard by: E.J. Guy with teardrop tattoo: Dude, moonshine is awesome. It's 99% alcohol and 1% liquor. –L Train Overheard by: someone's going to the ER/remedial math class tonight… Ditzy girl: I was thinking, how come I had a much worse time junior year than I did sophomore year? Then I realized, it's because I didn't drink margaritas. –Party Overheard by: The House

Wednesday One-Liners Will Cut a Bitch

Ghetto fabulous sister to another, walking out of bar: You gotta be a classy ho! Bitch! –Fulton & Lafayette, Brooklyn Woman on cell: No! He wants a fight and I'm going to fuck her up! I'm going to snap that bitch in half! (pause) I will snap that bitch in half! (pause) Okay, I love you too. (hangs up) Oh, she messed with the wrong bitch! –27th St, between 6th and 7th Overheard by: Hungry Blonde yelling on cell: I was not being a bitch or picking a fight! I was saying "I love you, and these are my concerns"! –27th St b/w Park Ave & Lexington Overheard by: V Girl to another: That's when I knew I was a bitch. My homegirl got kicked in the head by a ho… and I laughed! –Coney Island Ave & Newkirk 30-something suit: I just need a bitch with an accent! –34th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: CourtSnort Mom to son, after looking through his phone: Who is in your phone as b-i-t-c-h? –M60 Bus Overheard by: Jingles