Archive for 2009

Wednesday One-Liners Calculate the Circular Pigmented Area

Coed: When my nipple-hairs pop up, that means I'm done. –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Hobo to tiny sexy Asian girl wearing tank top on chilly day: Two nipples for a dime? –9th Ave & 14th St Cute gay chick on cell: I am aware that it's pride month, but I still like to keep sharp objects away from my nipples. My gay forefathers did not fight at Stonewall so that I might wear body jewelry. –4th Ave & 11th St, Brooklyn Mother to little boy: Those are not meant to be shown in public; nipples are private things. –A Train Overheard by: g-lime Crazy guy, yelling: When I see my nipples in the mirror, I look away! –Bedford Ave Overheard by: Zach Rock Steady

Wednesday One-Liners Raise the Roofie

Woman on phone: Mommy, how many people do you know who have been raped as much as her? None, exactly! –Midtown East Overheard by: dtrain Woman on cell: And I didn't get raped on the subway today! It's always a good day when I don't get raped. –6th Ave & 10th St Overheard by: that's always good Teen meathead on cell: Wait what? I can't really hear you. (pause) You got raped? Wait… physically or emotionally? (pause) Both? Shit. –American Eagle Dressing Room Overheard by: Alyssa College bro to friend: Nah, dude, it's even better than a date rape drug! –East Village Girl: There are some girls who he would be more likely to rape. She's not one of them. –Graham Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Stimulate the Economy

Tourist, loudly and proudly: They have this store at the mall! –Louis Vuitton, 5th Ave College girl: The second floor was pointless. It was, like, just furniture. –Ikea, Brooklyn Woman on cell: I'm not in a store! I know what a store looks like! –Tompkins Square Park Perturbed NYU chick, about New Orleans: Hopefully I will survive there for two years. They don't have H&M! Or Bloomingdale's or Anthropologie. They don't have Loehmann's… –NYU Office Overheard by: Melanie Middle-aged guy passing clothing store with shirtless male models at front doors: Hollister? What is it, a ladies club inside? –NoHo Overheard by: Arielle

Wednesday One-Liners Make Your Eyes Water

Young man to another: And I was like, "No, man. A girl ain't supposed to smell like that, yo." –Broadway & 37th St Overheard by: glm Loud Long Island woman to drunk friends: Yeah, I got really used to that smell once he came back from Nepal… –LIRR Guy to girl: I don't want to bring home a girl who smells like urine. –36th & 5th Hipster 20-something to preteen sister: This does not smell like Costa Rica! (pauses, as though to make sure) 14th Street in New York City does not smell like Costa Rica! –14th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: David Man complaining to friend: If she does that one more time… I mean, if that bitch comes home one more time with her breath smelling like some other guy's dick, I swear to fucking god… I'll leave her. –Times Square Overheard by: drekdude

Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser

20-something: I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook! –Upper West Side Overheard by: mtrainetiquette Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it's my half birthday in 10 days. –Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars… –34th St & 5th Ave Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday? –45th & 8th Drunk girl to hobo: It's my birthday! You should be giving *me* money! –111 & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Girl on phone: I'm so sick of this! He keeps making excuses not to see me! I feel like I'm being used! (pause) No, really. (pause) I just can't deal anymore! We only hang out when he wants sex! (pause) And his excuses! Ohmigod! They are getting so lame. (pause) If it's not his work or boss, it's his nanny or his wife or his kid. (pause) I mean… what's his deal? –Broadway & 20th St Overheard by: Cali in NYC Hispanic woman: And meanwhile the husband is in fucking Iraq, and she cheats on him with the UPS guy! What can brown do for you! –7th Ave, Park Slope Suit on cell: The love, the dirty sex, and the money… It's all going so well, and yet so sneaky. (hangs up, then dials another number) Mary, I think he's finding out… (pause) It's not my fault I am fucking my best friend's wife. –79th St & Madison Overheard by: Anna Girl yapping on cell: It was amazing. I mean, I looked hot. (pause) Yes, I wore the naked dress. He took one look at me and had the "Uh-oh, can't control myself" expression. (pause) No, girl, his fucking wife is in town! I mean, whatever. –51st St & Lexington Ave Woman: He cheated… On JDate! –26th & 8th