Archive for 2009

Wednesday One-Liners Were Pretty Hot, Back in the Day

20-something man walking into restaurant: I'd never bring my grandmother here for a date! –27th & Lexington Teen: That shit was sick! That shit was sick! I wanna go home and slap my grandmother! –94th & Amsterdam Overheard by: Slapped her how? Ghetto dude in fight with girlfriend: Your grandmother is a bitch! –Murray St & Church St Guy to friend: My grandma used to chase us around with fly swatters… –Houston & Allen

Wednesday One-Liners Grow Hair on Their Palms

Preppy guy to preppy friends: So then she's throwing these nerf balls at me while I'm furiously beating off on her couch… –Chinatown Girl: Masturbation's not really my thing, but I need to be more self-sufficient. –N Train Angst 20-something on cell: Ya, I miss riding my bike, it made my ass look so good… Fuck! I just want to go home, smoke some weed, and masturbate. –Central Park Overheard by: kate Guy: I hope this bus gets caught in a traffic jam! (looks down out of window) You may see people jacking off in their cars. –MegaBus, Top Deck Overheard by: EuropanGal 20-something girl on cell: Yeah, he's a big dork. Ya know what else he uses? Calculators. But that's just to masturbate. –Macdougal & 4th Overheard by: Billy H. Young women on cell: Oh. My. God! You will never guess who got married! (pause) The masturbator! –Bryant Park

Some Lengthy Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell walking dog: What? But doesn't she know how big my Johnson is? –Mott Street Overheard by: Erica 20-something male, while passing sculpture of male nude: I don't get it. If you're going to make it with a dick, why make it so small? –Time Warner Center Overheard by: sd Short Indian man, loudly into phone: All I wanna do is make love to you tonight… with my 11-inch cock! –7th Ave & 35th St Overheard by: Jenn B Drunk guy, after fighting with girlfriend: How she gon' be mad at me 'cause I got a big dick? –F Train

Wednesday's More Fun Than a Barrel Of One-Liners

20-something hipster to another, admiring long-legged blonde: How can you say you believe in evolution?! There is no way that that evolved from a monkey! –1st Ave & 14th Overheard by: Evolutionary Little boy to brother: If I were a monkey, I'd take a crap on you. –6 Train Overheard by: Rebecca Man on cell: Then Tim-Jim jerked him off with his feet. Only a monkey can do that! –Bedford & Metropolitan Overheard by: theeatenpath Middle aged man pushing daughter's stroller: I can't believe she got Curious George's autograph! –16th St & 5th Ave Overheard by: Maquaid

Plant a Wednesday, Harvest One-Liners

Girl holding orchid: Orchids are the thinking man's rose. –116th & Broadway Overheard by: Samantha Hipster girl to hipster guy: I'm telling you, these trees smell like semen. –10th St b/w 1st & Ave A Overheard by: Libby Disheveled hobo to granola-looking lady with khaki shorts, matching hat, and three-foot braided ponytail: You goin' on a nature walk, baby? I'd like to take a hike with you and make sweet love beside a pine tree. –89th & Broadway Overheard by: Jesse Cromer 20-something hipster: He face-planted into my potted plant, and then later he pissed himself. –Gowanus Yacht Club, Brooklyn Overheard by: big bad don

Wednesday One-Liner Can Be Made Of Ivory, Glass, Rubber and Sometimes Wood

Loud girl to friend: How the hell do you lose your vibrator? –4th St & 2nd Ave Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm just waiting in line at Whole Foods. Still want me to bring the dildo over? –Whole Foods Gay man to boyfriend: I'm glad we could come here and show your coworkers that we really do buy lube for our sexual adventures. –The Leather Man Overheard by: i don't go to sex shops with my boyfriend Creepy older man on phone: Someone should really dildo her. –5th Ave & 58th St. Overheard by: Courtney Girl, loudly: Why didn't you tell me you bought lube?! –Crowded NYU Elevator Overheard by: S Large woman to group of friends: And if someone asks a question, I just wave a dildo in front of their eyes! –Brooklyn Museum Overheard by: Liat